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Say something like, “How about I leave you here? And just walk away untill your reboot card drops? I'll do it if you dont shut up.” Something like that. Put some thought into it.
I never heard the term gaslighting until earlier this year after that stupid show came out. Now I hear it constantly and far too often used incorrectly. It's a form of psychological manipulation ABUSERS use against their VICTIMS. I don't think it really applies to a husband being less than forthcoming to his wife about a friend. I agree he is being shady but I wouldn't consider that abuse.
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Blind man moment. Thanks dog. As long as she deleted everything and doesn't do it anymore I'd be kosher with it. Obviously her continuing to do it is the problem right. A minor obsession is natural so tell her that much and just be like “I feel I'm not understood when I tell you that makes me uncomfortable.”
She planted a seed for no reason (maybe casual guilt) so you were in your rights to protect yourself. She might make it about going through her phone so just say “we can figure that out later but I just need to talk about this right now.”
This relationship is toxic.
You need to stay apart and block her.
There’s too much damage that you cannot have a long term healthy relationship.
Most households the husband is going to be working 40 hours a week. She gets to stay home so someone has got to work. She sort of should've expected this marrying a lawyer. I get it is hectic with twin and her PPD but she has both grandparents there. Sometime sit is isn't reasonable to expect the spouse to be home more. Before covid very few people worked from home. That's a relatively new thing. What OPs wife needs if therapy to deal with her PPD. Meds alone are often not enough.