He's trying to keep you insecure so you never realize you can do better than him. Your body type is normal and healthy. DO NOT give him the satisfaction of trying to lose weight because of his comment. You are strong, muscular, and snatched. Own it.
And find a man who doesn't tear down your self-esteem over a Halloween costume. Cosplay, which is arguably taken MUCH more seriously than Halloween costumes, is something people of all body types participate in, even if they don't fit the same body as the character.
HELL, the woman who works at my local liquor store dressed up as Wednesday this year and she's black (and she looked amazing). It literally doesn't matter if you have the same looks as the character, you can dress as whoever you want. Next Halloween, enjoy being Wednesday and hopefully not being with a man who says you can't be Wednesday.
Yes…you should still buy her a Christmas present…her birthday presents are separate from Christmas presents…buy her something small or not so expensive but do buy her something. It can cause resentment down the line.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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I work in surgery, have for years. Her nose is NOT going to look like the finished result until about 8-12 months from now. Swelling after surgery lasts a long time, and can seriously disfigure the result.
On the emotional side, if you really love her, you won’t mind if her nose is slightly different. People change physically all the time throughout all relationships, that’s normal! Support her during this healing period and remember why you’re with her in the first place.
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Have the talk. You shouldn’t be with someone who’s gonna string you along.
I’ve always been upfront with my now husband as well about my timeline and his proposal actually came a lot earlier than I expected it. I asked him for a long engagement, he was okay with that. We got married in November after a two year engagement and we’re very happy! Clear boundaries and communication are essential when it comes to marriage.
Yes, I have experience. If you have intellectual inclinations and wonder at things, you will grow tired of this woman. You're already beginning to wonder. At the 12 month mark, it will be bad. You will lose interest. Smart is sexy to me, and stupid is unattractive. We can't definitely say whether it is better to be smart than not, but if it's your kink, (lol) you gotta get some.
I feel like since he’s the one who initiated “I need space, so leave” he should be the one to communicate first.
Its this plus
All he could say was it’s normal being annoyed of your partner and that he feels like I’m overbearing and not allowing him space. He proceeded to say things like “you’re overreacting” “you started it” “you’re making things worst” “you’re insecure” all which makes me feel so gaslit.
You want to avoid this entirely or you'll end up right back where you were. You could start the conversation as well if you want but since he wanted space so bad you should give it to him. When he chooses to communicate with you, you immediately need to tell him you want to continue talking about your issues in the relationship.
If he refuses or wants to change the subject or hold it off till later. Then put the ball in his court even more. Tell him when he's ready to talk about your issues and concerns about the relationship in a healthy way he can reach out to you.
Remember, you can not just brush this off. You need to talk about this and if he keeps manipulating you or brushing you off well. Its just not a good thing long term.
Buddy you are right. There was one time we had sex once in the month. Christmas…in the bathroom…. 45 seconds out of the entire month and we had a baby. I’m worried the simmers are just gonna jump over gap like lil Evel Knievel sperm or something
Seems fine to me. Asking for your preference is fine, if they don’t change it he can accept that but many places do adjust for how the customer likes it. He can cook how ever he wants a a Korean bbq and sharing is not bad either, if people don’t want what he is offering they can say no. You sound like the problem to me, let him live! and don’t be so insecure, who are you concerned about bothering? Your friends or the servers?
Yeah that’s a tough situation. I’d suggest trying your best to build a bridge and get the fuck over it. If you like her and you have chemistry and can see a future with her to try and make it work. Life is very hot finding a good quality partner is harder, and it only gets worse as you get older.
In general men prefer women who are more selective and discerning when it comes sleeping with someone. We like to feel that we are special in some way and that being allowed access to a woman’s sexuality is a lot like being allowed to join a special and exclusive club or something. The more people who are allowed to join the less special it is. And at a base level women seem to know this too.
The problem is there’s mixed messages growing up especially in our culture. Women are told not to be promiscuous and to have self control, make good choices and all that by one side but they are told they can have everything they want by the other. Human nature being what it is, if you are convicted that you can have everything you want and that anyone who tells you differently is bad/flawed/evil/insecure/trying to control you, wouldn’t you try to have everything too? I would, and I think most would too, especially when young and idealistic.
Try your best not to let the lies of the world that she believes(ed) poison a good thing. You’ve made bad choices, she has and will too. Talk with her help her grow, allow her to help you grow. Only if she refuses to accept reality do you let it/her go. She doesn’t have to apologize about it, it’s r be sorry about it, she wasn’t acting maliciously, she didn’t try to hurt anyone, she likely didn’t think this consequence was real. As long as you can get her to understand your feelings about it, you’re good to go. But if she refuses to accept this is generally how a lot of men feel, or if she vilifies you or men in general as insecure or whatever nonsense, then your values simply don’t match and it’s not going to work.
I mean, if they dont like you than they don't like you, it's obviously not based on your personality, so unless you can change what they don't like (gender, race, name, etc etc) they will continue to dislike you.
So you can either A.) Accept they'll never like you, keep dating her and just hope you two make it through her douche family(very hot, but doable)
How is hugging someone from behind sexual assault?? And assuming he was sitting and she was standing, she likely just leaned down and hugged his shoulders/upper back. Pretty sure that’s not sexual assault no matter how many times you comment on this post that it is.
You guys were broken up for a month, couldn't this have easily happened during that time? I don't think you would be out of line, given the severity of the accusation, to ask boyfriend to see the texts between them- see if it does match up with what she says happened or if their communication looks completely platonic. If you don't want to… this is kind of a time will tell situation- either she's going to have a baby that proves to be his or she won't. Up to you whether you can live! with it.
Tbh if I was in his position with my girl (who is your age) I would totally have the same feelings. It changes nothing about the situation. When you are ready is when he will be ready. Him being in therapy is good, he’ll have someone to process the feelings of post-abortion. What about you, OP? You should seek therapy as well, also, have you scheduled your abortion? In some states in America there is a cut off time, don’t wait too long!
People with addictions don’t have limits. He may very well cheat due to a lack of impulse control which he is demonstrating perfectly by jacking off at work. He has no self control. ADDICTS HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.
Hey, friend, went through something SCARY similar at the end of my first marriage. Let him go, and leave. There is no coming back from this. Even setting aside the reasons for the original separation, he's now hidden something, excluded you, and called you abusive. What's left to fix?
Your girlfriend is right. At 26 I was living with my boyfriend (now husband) but buying groceries, commuting to work, making my own appointments, paying my portion of mortgage and bills. It’s time to start doing things for yourself.
Start slowly, like making your own doctor appointments and buying groceries. Then apply to apartments and continue until you ACTUALLY get one. If you don’t have a job, get one. If you don’t have a 401k, get one!
The “rule” you're invoking here is recognized by most people, so most likely your friends understand how you feel. But the rule is not as widely respected as it is recognized, so no surprise that some of your friends disagree or fence-sit. I think you have to allow for differences of opinion, and not let those differences lead to more damage to the friendships you value. As for the offender, if you can't just forgive straight up, maybe if he offers to do something to make it up to you? A bit of restorative justice.
I’m autistic and I masked my whole life with my family since they punished me for my sensory issues and struggles when I was a kid. And after some time they didn’t see me struggling or being burn out because I was hiding it from them.
Not saying this is the cause for him or that is justified. But it could be a reason, that she is the only person he trusts to stop masking around her.
He had three years to show you who he is. Hold strong. This is not the guy for you.
He's trying to keep you insecure so you never realize you can do better than him. Your body type is normal and healthy. DO NOT give him the satisfaction of trying to lose weight because of his comment. You are strong, muscular, and snatched. Own it.
And find a man who doesn't tear down your self-esteem over a Halloween costume. Cosplay, which is arguably taken MUCH more seriously than Halloween costumes, is something people of all body types participate in, even if they don't fit the same body as the character.
HELL, the woman who works at my local liquor store dressed up as Wednesday this year and she's black (and she looked amazing). It literally doesn't matter if you have the same looks as the character, you can dress as whoever you want. Next Halloween, enjoy being Wednesday and hopefully not being with a man who says you can't be Wednesday.
Dodged a bullet you did. Move on and just imagine the drama you saved yourself in the future.
Oh I’ll send you a package alright
It’s not your fault. It is a big deal. It’s a huge deal.
Are you an adult or still a minor?
Omg
Yes…you should still buy her a Christmas present…her birthday presents are separate from Christmas presents…buy her something small or not so expensive but do buy her something. It can cause resentment down the line.
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I work in surgery, have for years. Her nose is NOT going to look like the finished result until about 8-12 months from now. Swelling after surgery lasts a long time, and can seriously disfigure the result.
On the emotional side, if you really love her, you won’t mind if her nose is slightly different. People change physically all the time throughout all relationships, that’s normal! Support her during this healing period and remember why you’re with her in the first place.
Hello /u/No_Sea_2463,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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He is being unfair about this, but maybe it isn't the hill to die on.
Have the talk. You shouldn’t be with someone who’s gonna string you along.
I’ve always been upfront with my now husband as well about my timeline and his proposal actually came a lot earlier than I expected it. I asked him for a long engagement, he was okay with that. We got married in November after a two year engagement and we’re very happy! Clear boundaries and communication are essential when it comes to marriage.
Yes, I have experience. If you have intellectual inclinations and wonder at things, you will grow tired of this woman. You're already beginning to wonder. At the 12 month mark, it will be bad. You will lose interest. Smart is sexy to me, and stupid is unattractive. We can't definitely say whether it is better to be smart than not, but if it's your kink, (lol) you gotta get some.
I feel like since he’s the one who initiated “I need space, so leave” he should be the one to communicate first.
Its this plus
All he could say was it’s normal being annoyed of your partner and that he feels like I’m overbearing and not allowing him space. He proceeded to say things like “you’re overreacting” “you started it” “you’re making things worst” “you’re insecure” all which makes me feel so gaslit.
You want to avoid this entirely or you'll end up right back where you were. You could start the conversation as well if you want but since he wanted space so bad you should give it to him. When he chooses to communicate with you, you immediately need to tell him you want to continue talking about your issues in the relationship.
If he refuses or wants to change the subject or hold it off till later. Then put the ball in his court even more. Tell him when he's ready to talk about your issues and concerns about the relationship in a healthy way he can reach out to you.
Remember, you can not just brush this off. You need to talk about this and if he keeps manipulating you or brushing you off well. Its just not a good thing long term.
I keep telling myself he'll get better if I'm just patient and firm.
Buddy you are right. There was one time we had sex once in the month. Christmas…in the bathroom…. 45 seconds out of the entire month and we had a baby. I’m worried the simmers are just gonna jump over gap like lil Evel Knievel sperm or something
That’s a bingo!!
Seems fine to me. Asking for your preference is fine, if they don’t change it he can accept that but many places do adjust for how the customer likes it. He can cook how ever he wants a a Korean bbq and sharing is not bad either, if people don’t want what he is offering they can say no. You sound like the problem to me, let him live! and don’t be so insecure, who are you concerned about bothering? Your friends or the servers?
Yeah that’s a tough situation. I’d suggest trying your best to build a bridge and get the fuck over it. If you like her and you have chemistry and can see a future with her to try and make it work. Life is very hot finding a good quality partner is harder, and it only gets worse as you get older.
In general men prefer women who are more selective and discerning when it comes sleeping with someone. We like to feel that we are special in some way and that being allowed access to a woman’s sexuality is a lot like being allowed to join a special and exclusive club or something. The more people who are allowed to join the less special it is. And at a base level women seem to know this too.
The problem is there’s mixed messages growing up especially in our culture. Women are told not to be promiscuous and to have self control, make good choices and all that by one side but they are told they can have everything they want by the other. Human nature being what it is, if you are convicted that you can have everything you want and that anyone who tells you differently is bad/flawed/evil/insecure/trying to control you, wouldn’t you try to have everything too? I would, and I think most would too, especially when young and idealistic.
Try your best not to let the lies of the world that she believes(ed) poison a good thing. You’ve made bad choices, she has and will too. Talk with her help her grow, allow her to help you grow. Only if she refuses to accept reality do you let it/her go. She doesn’t have to apologize about it, it’s r be sorry about it, she wasn’t acting maliciously, she didn’t try to hurt anyone, she likely didn’t think this consequence was real. As long as you can get her to understand your feelings about it, you’re good to go. But if she refuses to accept this is generally how a lot of men feel, or if she vilifies you or men in general as insecure or whatever nonsense, then your values simply don’t match and it’s not going to work.
I mean, if they dont like you than they don't like you, it's obviously not based on your personality, so unless you can change what they don't like (gender, race, name, etc etc) they will continue to dislike you.
So you can either A.) Accept they'll never like you, keep dating her and just hope you two make it through her douche family(very hot, but doable)
Or B.) Break up.
Not much else to it, imo.
How is hugging someone from behind sexual assault?? And assuming he was sitting and she was standing, she likely just leaned down and hugged his shoulders/upper back. Pretty sure that’s not sexual assault no matter how many times you comment on this post that it is.
You guys were broken up for a month, couldn't this have easily happened during that time? I don't think you would be out of line, given the severity of the accusation, to ask boyfriend to see the texts between them- see if it does match up with what she says happened or if their communication looks completely platonic. If you don't want to… this is kind of a time will tell situation- either she's going to have a baby that proves to be his or she won't. Up to you whether you can live! with it.
Tbh if I was in his position with my girl (who is your age) I would totally have the same feelings. It changes nothing about the situation. When you are ready is when he will be ready. Him being in therapy is good, he’ll have someone to process the feelings of post-abortion. What about you, OP? You should seek therapy as well, also, have you scheduled your abortion? In some states in America there is a cut off time, don’t wait too long!
People with addictions don’t have limits. He may very well cheat due to a lack of impulse control which he is demonstrating perfectly by jacking off at work. He has no self control. ADDICTS HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.
Hey, friend, went through something SCARY similar at the end of my first marriage. Let him go, and leave. There is no coming back from this. Even setting aside the reasons for the original separation, he's now hidden something, excluded you, and called you abusive. What's left to fix?
Best advice in the comments!
Your girlfriend is right. At 26 I was living with my boyfriend (now husband) but buying groceries, commuting to work, making my own appointments, paying my portion of mortgage and bills. It’s time to start doing things for yourself.
Start slowly, like making your own doctor appointments and buying groceries. Then apply to apartments and continue until you ACTUALLY get one. If you don’t have a job, get one. If you don’t have a 401k, get one!
The “rule” you're invoking here is recognized by most people, so most likely your friends understand how you feel. But the rule is not as widely respected as it is recognized, so no surprise that some of your friends disagree or fence-sit. I think you have to allow for differences of opinion, and not let those differences lead to more damage to the friendships you value. As for the offender, if you can't just forgive straight up, maybe if he offers to do something to make it up to you? A bit of restorative justice.
I’m autistic and I masked my whole life with my family since they punished me for my sensory issues and struggles when I was a kid. And after some time they didn’t see me struggling or being burn out because I was hiding it from them.
Not saying this is the cause for him or that is justified. But it could be a reason, that she is the only person he trusts to stop masking around her.
It took three tries to figure that out?