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Please tell her. She deserves to know.
I am so hesitant because I was financially taken advantage in a previous relationship and was emotionally abused. I know not to carry past traumas into current relationships but I think I sometimes feel like I can’t trust myself.
If we were married or engaged I would be very open but I guess I want that assurance.
You guys are incompatible. This does not seem like something you can fix and with only 1 month in, not sure why you would even try.
Sorry, her, pays for everything for her, on the trip. Going to edit.
A relationship means you are exclusive. I think you need to break up with the long distance girl and just take it slow with the new one.
Ngl kinda sounds like you’re leading the LDR girl on- saying your exclusive but not sounds like your language and she’s probably not aware that you’re seeing other people
Good idea, insult everyone who took the time to post.
Lol. A whole year of inconsistency? My problem now is that my kids know him and his kids. I don’t really think it’s a good idea for them to become any more attached. Let the kids stay friends if an occasion arises, but otherwise, a year seems like too much for them. Yes, I could simply date him and keep the kids out. But… if we can’t get on the same page now, I’m not really sure that a year is worth my time. A year of canceling plans on our only child-free night together seems unhealthy.
You’re already a shell of your former self – please don’t stay in this relationship and waste your youth on this man.
You know deep down this isn’t the guy for you. Love isn’t enough, you need to feel respected, cherished and uplifted.
You’ve come to this subreddit for a reason.
Just wish he'd change, but surely this amount of time is enough to tell me he isn't gonna, it sucks.
You don't. It is easy. If he wanted to tell, he would that it. He doesn't want to, so good luck getting him to do it.
honestly i’m starting to think that too. i’m scared of how bad it really is
I think you need to sit her down, and tell her how you're feelong, but also explain that the mixed signals she's giving are a problem because that is what she is doing. If she's open to it, insist on couples therapy to work through what ever caused the split between you two in the first place. Do NOT go for sex just because she is giving signals that she wants it. I have to be honest, and say that it sounds more likes she's looking for a booty call without saying the words with the hard and cold behavior you've described.
I’d be interested in asking her what about the last 8 years has failed to reestablish trust. This post describes and incredibly traumatic experience for both people, but even more so for the wife. People often fixate on a traumatic experience in a way that’s not rational, but where it becomes emblematic of a larger story.
So the question is, does OP habitually make himself the focus when others need support? Has he been someone she can rely on in general? If the answer is “no” than its really not anything to do with this story at all. If the answer is “yes” than I guess it’s something only she can resolve, probably with professional help.
Leave her.
it gives them an object for their affection
You literally just referred to women as objects and now are arguing against it? lol
this relationship is great
Did you even read your own title? Or post? Perspective mate.
He’s taking care of you now. He’s probably concerned your insecurities are working against your best interests.
Forget these people. You were hurt and lashed out. And all you essentially did was call her manipulative. Something that you can apologise for and forgive yourself for (whether she forgives you us up to her and she might not but you should definitely forgive yourself regardless)
This is like, therapy level stuff, it’s way too complicated and serious for Reddit.
Ok idk what to tell you then. You know her better than us!
I will say it seems unlikely she knows 5-6 couples like that… that's a lot!
What is her agenda? Do you like your mom?
Yes, I've experienced this with a partner mismatch. Some people are very concrete thinkers, alexithymic, or just mentally superficial. This cannot be fixed.
I heartily recommend you break up and keep looking for someone on the same wavelength as you. My second marriage did that for me. Sadly, I wasted far too long with an incompatible partner. Don't do that.
Ahh, you are not even honest with yourself. You would not be calling me names if you felt the way you say you do. I know men agree because 50 years on this rock has given me enough time to talk with a few. I've partied my ass off and have friends who have been through this and other weirder situations.
I've known couples who don't even share a bed anymore but are extremely loving and affectionate. I know couples who have never cheated and want to kill each other. People do strange stuff. I just can not consider women on woman sex cheating, and I know it's probably sexist as hell but here I am owning it.
This ?
Exactly ???
My husband has brown eyes and I LOVE them! Likewise he always tells me he wants our kids to have my eyes (blue/green). Your bf is a douche. Dump this loser!! You have nothing to be insecure about— brown is beautiful!
Thank you so much ?
You're actually lucky that you can't have children with this man. Early stages of the relationship is important even though you're not exclusive yet. It's when you build the foundation of your entire relationship. Don't invalidate your feelings. What they did was disgusting. You didn't give consent and were clueless till now. Rethink this whole thing and decide if you can move past it.
Homie, break up and move on. If you were dating I’d say talk about it. Define boundaries, etc. You’re engaged-the intention is that you’ll be together forever. It sounds like she doesn’t see anything wrong with her actions and that’s okay for her. That doesn’t mean that you have to be okay with it and you’re allowed to feel it’s a dealbreaker. Think about dealing with this type of thing after you both are 21 and she can go to a club or a bar?
No you are not wrong.
Tell her that you can’t stop her from doing it, but you can decide what to do if she does. And tell her that if she does, then you will leave.
It’s not fun, she’s entertaining relationships with other people.
And I bet you that all her friends are either single or haven’t told their partners about it – so find out which ones are participating, and if you know their partners tell them that their GFs are planning on cheating on them.
No you are not wrong.
Tell her that you can’t stop her from doing it, but you can decide what to do if she does. And tell her that if she does, then you will leave.
It’s not fun, she’s entertaining relationships with other people.
And I bet you that all her friends are either single or haven’t told their partners about it – so find out which ones are participating, and if you know their partners tell them that their GFs are planning on cheating on them.
Well, I'm saying this as a single-mom-to-be, I love my little one. I really do. But these pregnancy hormones are no fucking joke, especially for someone already struggling with mental health.
And then expenses… oh Jesus christ. I make $50 over to qualify for childcare assistance in the state I'm in. 50. Now I'm paying for $370 week once she's born. Even in the summer, when I have off, I'll be paying that every week to hold her spot. On top of that, diapers. Crib. They grow out of clothes so fast. They need special laundry detergent because they have very sensitive skin as a newborn. If you can't breastfeed, you'll have to use formula.
It goes on and on and on. You need a savings account for the baby.
And yeah, I know I can seek child support from her dad, but honestly, he's a piece of shit and I would rather him not be involved.
It seems that you can't read what I wrote. Take a look again, what does restrain mean? I say I don't restrain from sex, I was tired.
0 respect for him. He is a PoS
all day everyday from the same spammer…same advice as always : go get a therapist for whatever OCD problem you have.
I'm sorry your are going through this.
Once again, she is full of shit.
When you are in love with someone, you don't voluntarily move out of state for an extended period….without asking them to come along. She is most certainly conscious of her reasoning and motivations. She gets mad at you to prevent you from pursuing the topic and ultimately forcing her admit her real intent.
The best way to bring it up is directly. Let her get mad. It's not the end of the world. Tell her if this is her way of ending your relationship then just admit it now. Spare the both of you the “long goodbye.”
If you let her off the hook, she may 'fess up to her real intentions. Don't be dramatic. Don't be emotional. Just be matter-of-fact about the situation.
Good luck. And once again, sorry you are going through this.
You still go down on him..Jesus Christ ??♀️
This is the answer!