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That’s more than controlling, that’s “constantly monitoring your movements” and also “you’re doing something wrong if you don’t tell me every single thing you’re doing”. Both of those are really really not okay.
Here me out. If you were consumed with worrying about things you thought with top priority, other things would seem less important ( not saying your marriage isn’t a top priority but most times in family dynamics, wives see husbands or partners as adults that can understand and deal with disappointment better than kids so by default kids become top priority) , couple that with the hormones and physical changes she is experiencing things can get rough. This is why I am telling you. If you want to become her top priority, help her take care of the others things. See here is what it determines if you actually care about making your partnership healthy or if you’re a selfish man. Does your wife have to, cook, clean, do school pick up and drop offs, help with homework and be there emotionally for the kids. Does she help you at all in your daily life? How much help does she have? Do you assist with these things or is she overwhelmed? If she has to do all these thing plus grow a whole other human, you may could understand why she may not have much left to give you ? Hence why in suggested, you helping your partner out would probably be beneficial to everyone.
We're assuming the boyfriend is being honest about the ex's involvement too. He might have just mentioned it to her in passing and then is playing up her role trying to shift blame. OP should talked to the ex either way to find out.
“Wife acted like she was single for a night and forgot she had a husband.”
Well, she didn't act like she was single but she didn't communicate properly. You get to be mad for a day and then drop it. Only bring it up if she's going out again and reiterate that you don't want to think that she's been abducted and murdered so can she update you on her ETA if her times shift.