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Yup. Unreasonable but she accepted it. Then later crossed it. Guy was consistent. They just weren't meant to be.
It's just nude because I have had my prior episode of infidelity while I was together with her at the beginning of our relationship. I just don't want to seem like a hypocrite, ya know?
He could just be stressing about something, that can have an effect on his libido.
i would've knocked his ass out. thats a boy not a man
Check it out, another condescending statement
thanks 🙂 I’m glad you’re happy and found your unicorn as you put it lol. just wanted to comment to remind any young people out there to be careful. a lot of abusive types like to take things super fast so you can’t catch red flags until you’re stuck.
for the past several months, she's been nothing but down.
Might she have depression?
Not working could certainly lead in that direction.
she relates my topic to something she went or is going through, and suddenly we're talking about her for the rest of the conversation.
Haha my wife does this.
It really pisses me off.
Yes, this is how associative memory works.
But many of us are able to keep it from derailing our thinking.
I don't feel like she's there for me as much as I'm there for her.
I assumed this was true.
Thanks for confirming it.
She's depressed and most of those are likely due to that
Another assumption confirmed.
And I also don't want to go and tell her to stop being sad or that her being sad is draining me because you just don't say that stuff to someone, you know?
Then she clearly needs medical and/or psychological help.
Your greatest contribution would be in steering her toward accessing these resources.
The guy is getting married. Break up with him STAT.
I know that many people from India do get married via arrangement. But not all of them.
My friend (Australian) and a single mother met an Indian fellow who's got a really good job and well-off, etc. Although he does have expectation from his family, he fell for my friend and he took her on a vacation to meet with his parents, then he proposed to her. His parents (mother) at first was hesitant since she's a divorcee with a teenage daughter but Idk how, he convinced her that this was the woman for him.
Now they're getting married. My point is, your “bf” here? He never wanted to fight for you or wanted to marry you. You're just a fling 🙂
You can't cheat on someone once they're your ex. You no longer owe them your loyalty.
But she WAS paying all the rent in his off season. But something serious and unexpected has happened and she merely asked for some fucking help. She didn't ask for her mom to be sick. This dude who just remains unemployed for part of the year to bike around needs to lift his weight sometimes too if he wants to be in a relationship. Shit happens, he's makes more money, it can't always be 50/50 financially
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You aren't making a big enough deal. He was willing to let you die so he didn't have to drive you to the hospital.
Leave him. He will not be reliable in any serious event.
His trying to stop you from having a job and earning you’re own money! This is a huge red flag!! Run!!!
“Nutures the friendship too much”: not sure this is possible–long distance friendships are difficult to maintain. I'd recommend examining your feelings–are you envious and need more friends in your life? Are you jealous because he doesn't communicate with you as openly?
Oh OP, I’m so sorry!
I think you know this is not ok and you deserve better. She may be intelligent, but she lacks compassion and emotional intelligence.
Do you feel like you are less than her? Has your self esteem taken a hit since you have been married?
Your boyfriend is a douchebag who doesn't want a partner. He is treating you like a child. I personally would tell him to go kick rocks, but that's me.
You should at least sue her for being stupid enough to take photo evidence. :p
Well sorry but you're wrong. If someone in a relationship is getting hit on or engaging in convos that make their partner understandably uncomfortable, then it's their responsibility to shut it down. Or maybe you can both talk to her since you're all friends. But don't make the mistake of leaving your SO out of this completely. You should be working as a team and communication when emotionally ready.
You said yourself you all are jokesters and refer to her as his work wife so the boundaries are already blurred. She definitely seems as though she is into both of you from what you posted here. So you and your partner need to discuss what boundaries you'll be putting up towards her.
Yeah, I don't believe any of this. He went awful fast to breaking up with her and then saying that he got her on video admitting to planning on framing him, and now he's going to send it to her family.
I call bullshit.
I am so sorry for all the typos, I'm a bit of an emotional mess right now and sick and can't edit the title to correct her age (25f)
You’re making too much out of this.
End this relationship. Asap.
He’s entitled to block who ever he wishes as it is his social media. But it’s not healthy to keep on checking up on him for what ever reason. I get curiosity gets the better of at at times but invest your energy elsewhere.
I had this with my ex… lame dude wanted sex every day but could not put in any effort to get me off. You use her. Biggest turn off. If I were her, I would leave you.
Think of it like this.
People's hearts get broken because they genuinely care for someone. The fact she's constantly flirting/sexting with others is proof that she doesnt actually care about you in the slightest and therefore you won't be breaking her heart by ending things with her.
Things will improve, the process may be slow for a while at the start but it will happen and you'll be all the more happier for it if you stick with it. Good luck.
You weren't there
This is probably true but I hope it’s not. Dude deserves better than to be the last resort “good provider” after the baby daddies flounced.
One: there’s no such thing as perfection. It does not exist
Two: good bfs don’t punch walls
I agree. He needs to fake being cool with it and watch their behavior.
This is a wildly unfair comment.
We used the ABCs of sleep to train our daughter. Kids need consecutive hours of sleep. Waking up every couple of hours at this age is bad for their development and health. The idea of sleep training for us was not self soothing, it was teaching her how to put herself to sleep. We used this method because while it does involve some crying it out, you check in every 10-15 minutes to tell your baby “mama and dada are here. We love you. It’s time to sleep. We’re here for you.” Specifically so they don’t feel abandoned.
The judgement parents get for sleep training is so unfair. Our baby broke her collarbone at birth and therefore sleep was a huge issue. She absolutely would not sleep unless she was held. It’s not safe to sleep while holding an infant, so we were never sleeping. It was so bad I started having sleep paralysis. I felt like I was going crazy. I was so exhausted and depressed because I truly felt like I was never going to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time again. I felt hopeless. Sleep training saved us. I was able to be a much better mom. And guess what? Our daughter sleeps 11-12 hours in her crib every night and she’s so happy and so much better rested. She’s also in the 99 percentile for her height. She’s 2 and hitting all her milestones and we have the best bond.
Not everyone who sleep trains just lets their kid cry for hours. And it’s not cool to shame parents for doing it.
I am starting to doubt that you will go through with it. I also had 2 beautiful years with my ex until she cheated on me. So I dumped her. Because I respect myself.
He was playing an incredibly stupid game and won an incredibly stupid prize. He was trying to manipulate you with the threat of ending the relationship and when that failed to make you grovel for his forgiveness for whatever got his underwear in a twist in the first place he sulked. I think you handled this exactly right; life is too short to play juvenile junior high school dating games when you're in your friggin' 30s.
Most of the time, when someone brings up an open relationship they have someone in mind already (obviously you know that already). So it either has already happened, they want a free pass to cheat, or will happen even after it is agreed that it is not a good idea. This is a deal breaker for me. No amount of exploring ones thoughts with a partner, its just an idea, saw it on a vlog, or whatever other excuses will make it ok in my book. But that is just my opinion.
That’s terrible. Dump all of them into the ocean.
My young friend, take it from someone twice your age – you will absolutely find a new happy. But perhaps it’s worth the consideration that your season in each other’s lives may be over. And that’s ok ?
He's a 30+ year old man and FATHER . If those things won't change him to mature then he isn't going to. Not until he's realized no one will put up wh that shit and finds someone else to start fresh. But at this point with you …nope. you've already let too much slide for too long and he doesn't actually respect you as a grown and independent woman. You know this since you have already broken up with him. Best thing you can do is get all your chickens in a row to be able to move out into your own place and figure out custody arrangements.
You want kids of your own and she directly decided you don’t get to have any with her. Divorce her and hope to the all mighty you don’t get raked over the coals. Luckily, you have the ability to reproduce for the foreseeable future. Good luck finding the one to make that happen for you.
No she's not. We are partners
he can find someone in his own appropriate age range that has the same goal now. Or is he under the impression women after 30 are dried up and unless?
If you need couples therapy at 18 years old, you need to leave him.
I still don't believe that he has been truthful with you or himself.
Women are not emotional rehab for men.
Are you out of your mind? You sound like the best co-dependant ever. I can't even imagine remaining in this relationship.
Its the principle. He is occasionally more considerate to certain female friends and it makes me feel not good.
I don't understand why you get on here to talk down on someone. If you cant relate, thats wonderful. But its not a helpful response.
A 32 yo man started dating an 18 yo teenager and you thought he was a normal, functional adult man?
Now you know why women his own age won't put up with his shit.
why are you with an abusive man?
I dated this girl for 3 weeks. She used to love to pinch me, which I HATE.
I told her 3 times to stop. The third time I told her if she did it again I would dump her. She went 2 days not doing it. On that 3rd day I dumped her at a bar and left her there.
Have some self-respect.
I struggle to understand what went wrong
I'm going to be a dork and quote Star Trek, but I think this quote encapsulates a concept that is easy to forget or lose track of in difficult times. “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”
Sometimes things don't work out, and it's not that something went wrong. It's not that you did something disrespectful or against her wishes.
Sometimes things just don't align. Sometimes people are incompatible with each other. Sometimes they're just at incompatible points in their life.
It sounds like she's dealing with some baggage that she should probably be in therapy about, but there's not much you can do about that. If this is a time where she needs space to process her experiences, that might just be how it is. It's not something you failed it.
Based on your description, you handled this reasonably and as well as could be expected. The next step is to take your own time and space to process your own experience here. To try to really internalize that this isn't a situation that's because you messed up or did something wrong. It's just the complexities of life.
After re-reading what I wrote, well, yeah. F*uck.
Yup same where I’m from. Hell when you marry you can choose a status to keep all your assets separated. Before and during the marriage. It’s literally one line to check when filling the paperwork. And a lot of the wealthy people I know use it.
I feel safest with nurses who are blunt like this. I absolutely trust they’re gonna do what they say they’re going to do. My family is also in medicine and it’s not that I don’t trust them per se. But my anxiety is not well managed. I don’t know how it can be really.
Sing the song “Everything you can do, I can do better” for added effect.
But, for real. It’s always the fucking lunatics that make a situation that isn’t weird, weird. It sucks to say this, but, I’ve said to people during conversations way more than I should have ever had to up to now and I know I haven’t said it for my last time, too, but I always say “Its not weird until the fucking weird people make it weird.” It’s like, I get it, you’ve got some loose screws, some unscrewed but fuck off with that nonsense with me. It really bothers me.
I don't think it's anything to worry about. It doesn't sound like he's pressuring you and is aware that it's not a shared fantasy. I would first thank him for sharing, it's good to be open and it was nude for him to disclose. You can just tell him outright it's not something you're personally interested in without shaming him for the fantasy. As far as fantasy goes, it's actually a pretty easy one to explore without involving any other people if that was something you both were interested in. Otherwise, just tell him thanks but no thanks and move on. No red flag here.
Sounds like she doesn’t like you, or she does and likes effeminate men. Depending on which one it is I might rethink the relationship.
Eh. I've never bought this. Always saw it as a cop out for other people to reason why someone with extreme “tastes” has those tastes. I think you're born with it. I've had the same mild boring specific taste in porn for almost 20 years now and it hasn't changed.
The fact of the matter is you don't necesserily “deserve” per se. You aren't automatically entitled to “try” it and I don't think you understand that.
was dating this guy who only showed me love and affection as we got to know each other.
What does this even mean?
Unless you have reason to be suspicious I think you should just make a concerted effort to ignore her phone completely. Don’t look at it, don’t touch it. Show her by your actions she doesn’t need to be concerned about you invading her privacy. You’ve only been together for a few months. I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving my phone around someone I haven’t known very long either.
If you have reason to be suspicious, that’s another story. I still don’t think you should be concerned about her phone, you should instead ask yourself if someone you don’t trust is a good partner for you.
Is nobody going to mention the fact she cheated WHILST pregnant?
He’s not a gentleman. He’s a predator
Ok, so here's a thing. This comment right here shows that you still believe that physically assaulting a partner can be justified. Which means you are NOT a better person, and you should not be with someone. It doesn't matter what more there is to the story – you hit her. Twice. That's not acceptable in any universe.
You need to get external help to deal with your issues before you are ever in a position to date again. There's your helpful advice.
Have you apologized for being a jerk? Also, you could text her that the silent treatment is not helping your relationship, and you will be walking away unless she decides to talk to you.
Thank you for this. I appreciate your perspective since you're older. It's her choice to be with him at the end of the day but she's struggling on if/how to tell her parents. Personally, mine would be so mad if I was dating someone that much older. But since they're considering a serious future together, it's going to be nude for her to hide it for a bit.
This is a ridiculous thing to have on TV while working, it's exactly conducive to a professional setting, which is what your home is during working hours. He is the outlier here, not you. He can get a tablet + headphones to get the visuals+sounds he needs to be productive.
She doesn’t work out. So it’s not a progress thing I’m assuming.
Yeah I point blank got told that it wouldn't ever happen so not to bother asking. Despite me being disabled and I KNOW I don't want to risk passing any of my shitty genetics on, but fuck me in the eyes of the NHS (I'm in the UK), I'll definitely have to go private to have any sort of success.
Why isn't it the same? I'm asking for a genuine answer. Really think about why you don't think it's the same.
The kiddo was in her playroom, in her father and Sasha’s home. OP had dropped by.
Getting punished for something days after the fact at her mother’s separate household, with consequences that had nothing to do with the original “problem” to begin with is going to be completely lost on a child that age. No correlation whatsoever, no correction in behavior whatsoever.
It's the “if i end up having feelings for her we will deal with it” for me. Tf is tht shit. Seems like the type of douchebag that would be like i want an open relationship but you can't sleep around…just me. Ugh gross dude. Good on you for leaving OP.
Don't do it.
If you feel it’s inappropriate then I would back off.
Honestly I think you need to be asking different questions. For example:
What kind of relationship do I want long term/why/when and will he be able to offer it.
Am I open to casually dating if long term visions don’t align.
Aside from hobbies and sex what do we have in common?
What does he want out of this?
Why does a man 16 years older want to pursue me?
Why doesn’t he pursue someone his own age?
I could go on but honestly I would start asking yourself these questions, figure out what you want and then ask him ones that relate to it.
Honestly most older men that go after young women don’t have the best intentions, will age out faster and slow down while you will just be hitting your sexual peak. Ask yourself if that is the path you want to take?
Wish you the best!
i feel like it’s very mixed signals, that’s why i’m here. i would go over dressed nice, even though we are staying in because you wanna look nice, you know? and he tells me he wants me to be comfortable, and gives me his clothes to change into. he’s made moves, and even introduced me to his boss, but still ghosts me from time to time for a little while. i don’t want to rush him into a relationship after he just got out of one, and i know we’re not in a stage to call it a relationship yet. but, i just want to know we’re on the same page with this relationship we have going on. part of me just wants to pour my heart out to him, and tell him what i’ve been through and if this isn’t something he sees pursuing then i can’t continue, the other part of me sees myself as a little childish feeling these feelings only after three months, and i will scare him
Because she lives with mother-in-law. Actually she doesn't want to be in relationship any man. Even her husband. She hates him and men like broken women does
Yes. Yes I would like take responsibility of stepfather. I have very good relationship with her child. And she always says that her child looks like me
I’m American and my wife is German. She asked me to correct her grammar and pronunciation always. No matter the situation. Led to some awkward social moments and some complete gems.
One day she was really mad at me and told me, “You are so and asshole”
I replied, “Such. I am such an asshole.”
She then closes with, “Exactly.”
We live in Germany now and you’d be nude pressed to tell she’s not American when she speaks English. But her German colleagues say she speaks German now with an American accent.
She was very angry when she left but she said as though we were strangers that have a kid together
My advice is to just leave her alone. You've done too much damage, she's clearly just done with you now. She's clearly happy to just cut you out so don't force yourself onto her.
If you actually cared about her you'd give her the distance she needs, rather than harass her and her family.
It's a tough decision. IMO it might be best for you and biological child to follow your mind and not your emotions. If offered a divorce, she may make it easy for you. These are choices that only you can decide. The rest of us can only hope that things turn out for the best. Be happy.
Even if he misheard you made plans opposing his wishes, where was the communication and heads up the surprise was less important than telling him what was happening, you admitted you said nothing to your uncle “ to my own discredit I just stood there” then followed him trying to smooth it over! So now you did speak up but you accepted you didn’t when your boyfriend pulled you up on it! You repeatedly did things against him kept him in the dark and worked against him. But ok you are the injured party /s you can not fix it and he will always have a negative impression of you based on your own choices and actions.
What symptoms did you have?
Everything sucks, but wish you the best.
How do you know she's been sitting on it? Maybe it just occurred to her because the reality of it became clear while they were having a conversation about their future. He, on the otherhand, used something very personal that he knew about her to hurt her on purpose after she said something he didn't like. That's not ok, and the bar for what is ok isn't “not physical abuse”. You're still responsible for your behaviour even if you're shocked. He's now betrayed her trust and said something that's going to make any conversation about their future far more difficult because she's never going to believe that he's ok not having kids now.
She totally played you. You need to somehow get her to confess to this. Tell her you want to try for another but you need the truth first. Tell her you love her, whatever you have to do to get her to confess. When she does, let everyone know. But whatever you do—break it off with her immediately. You are no longer tied to this witch.
As for your ex, I don’t know.
My ex also would bring up that I wasn't a blood relative, and made up a bunch of nonsense to go with it that was never there in words or with actions. Overall, with all the gaslighting and additional abuse from the ex and the child, I developed cptsd and years later, still suffering greatly with symptoms. Op, standing your ground here, where you were totally right, as you would be many states away for the just in case of a 1st sleep over, is what is needed to be done. Otherwise you will stop being you, starting to become less than, because this is what will happen.
So to you – and obviously to her- physical attraction and love aren't connected….
To OP they are! Because he loves her he even seems to find her attractive although she had changed.
While she didn't find him attractive anymore.
I always came out of finding my men attractive, when I was about to stop loving them. aybe this is what has really been happening. And this may be why OP is so hurt and worried.
Your brother is an asshole. Did he deserve to get slapped? Maybe, maybe not. Should he have used words before resorting to violence? Yes, of course. Did he commit a crime? Yes, he did. Slapping a racist is still aggravated assault.
Your boyfriend knew that he was more physically powerful than your little brother, and so he used that to teach him a lesson. It was a fine thing to do in the moment. But what’s going to happen the next time he comes over? What about the next family dinner? What will your parents think? Even if your boyfriend was 100% in the right, he wanted to hurt your brother and did it without thinking.
Have you and your boyfriend ever had a big fight before? Has there been a time where he has felt that you disrespected him? Because if he would so quickly hurt your brother for insulting his race, he certainly has the potential to do the same to you for insulting his masculinity or some other slight.
The dangerous guy who is violent in the world but incredibly gentle with his partner is mostly a romcom fantasy. The truth is, people who use violence to get what they want, or even just get their point across, are much more likely to do the same to their intimate partner.
right, people need to wake up to the reality of the situation in america.
plus god damn that's some bad luck anyway.
no, she was
Oh don't worry.. OP's wife financial security will still depend on him. You think he can just up and divorce her and get off Scott free financially? The assets will be divided I'm sure and he will be paying alimony.
I just assumed I wasn’t invited because it’s a college spring break thing. I didn’t want to ask or intrude on it and thought it may be weird if I’m the only non student going in the group. I just feel left out.
This is disgusting on levels higher to undreampt of.
Nah it’s not about the HPV it’s about being lied to and manipulated
Because people don't see why you are reacting so over the top. What is the big drama?
The only one it seems that has a big problem is you? Or do you think your parents kill you if they get the info.
Just have the wedding and if someone asks you had a unofficial ceremony for some reason a year before. Since it doesn't count nobody will care.
What a horrible day to be able to read
But yeh, you don't need to tolerate that. Not because she has an intolerance but because she's falling into the misinformation rabbit hole. Which sounds like is going to be exhausting to deal with along with the smell…
What a horrible day to be able to read
But yeh, you don't need to tolerate that. Not because she has an intolerance but because she's falling into the misinformation rabbit hole. Which sounds like is going to be exhausting to deal with along with the smell…
You are allowed to do whatever you want with your money and your belongings.
You can’t find a healthy relationship when you’re playing games. “I wanted to see if she would text me first” like come on my dude. Tests and games just sow distrust in a relationship. You don’t need them. Talk like adults. If you’re so busy you can’t send a “Good morning! I’m so sorry but I have something going on all day, and I probably won’t be able to text you today, but I hope you have a good day!” text then you’re too busy for a relationship. I started texting my husband when I got his number and I honest to GOD don’t think a 24 hour period has gone by in the 14 years since getting his number that we haven’t at least texted back and first 1 or 2 times. Even across full international travel days, full time school and work, etc.
Just communicate next time. No games.
How do people marry people like this. Barbarians stuck in the past. Treating their wives like property. Abusive.
Yes, leave him. Don't feel bad about it. You've wasted your life with him. You've taught your kids it's okay to be abused. Run.
Hey, dude, you don't own her. She's not your chattel. You're not the reason she should be giving for someone to back off, they (and you) should respect that she's a sentient adult with her own agency and who gets to use her own reasons for declining someone who shows interest in her.
Btw, it's colleague.
Get a lock for the bedroom door and a big set of very obvious headphones.
If she tries to talk to you while you are wearing headphones, Bark at her. Go Woof Woof Woof Wooof Arf Arf Arf Arf whenever she tries, keep barking. The goal is to make her more uncomfortable than you are.
‘Make a point once a day to talk to her nicely while you have the headphones off. Ask her how she is doing, listen to her. You are training them not to bother you when you have the headphones on. Bring speakers into the bathroom and turn on music while you are there.
“It's a trap!” — Admiral Ackbar.
“Run, Forest, Run…”
Awww darling…you made your wife’s life terrible on so many levels, then changed the game; she still supported you as a person. You left thinking you would have soooo much better. Took you two months to run back with your tail between your legs. Only to see that she moved on and is happier , better than with you. You have soooo much work to do on you and your relationship before you can make any demands on your wife.
Be a dad to your kids no matter what. And show your wife that you are willing ( and doing) what needs to be done to repair and rebuilt. She can do whatever she wants and see fit for her. You fucked around ( literally) and found out… that you were the problem, not her… and everyone sees she is better without you. You have only one choice but to make it worth her while to take you back. If I were her, I am not sure I would , maybe for the kids and if she still has a bit of love for you. Good luck and start working nude on making yourself worthy of the kids and wife welcoming you back in their life, if they allow it.
I would just say congratulations and good luck. Be honest with and kind to each other.
Finding meaningful relationships gets harder to do as you get older.
I’m American and did a brief stint in social work graduate school. This girl in my class shared that she decided to be a social worker after volunteering in Peru at an orphanage for a week. Not surprisingly she had kind of backwards views in general.
There are plenty of places to volunteer in the US. Serving soup at a soup kitchen might not sound as appealing as playing with kids for a day, but it is good work and you can get to know people and show them compassion. I met some really great people who came to the soup kitchen where I volunteered.
I really appreciate your response. It’s nude to let go tbh. Mostly bc she was a virgin and she’s thick af. But to me that makes it worth it lol
Dude come on
Tell us what you find attractive in a 19 yo girl as a 35 yo man
Who the fuck do you think you are to tell her how she feels and what she thinks/prefers?
Don't be friends, that's just a hiding to nothing.
You too, and good luck! It sounds like it could be a good adventure =)
They’re….her friends?
I see this post didn’t go the way you wanted yesterday so you’re trying again? Let me be perfectly direct. Your girlfriend is 100% correct, and you are in the wrong. She is correct to want you to learn how to take care of yourself before you move in with her. She is your girlfriend, not your mother. If you move in with her now she will by default have to baby you since you obviously lack the skills that a functioning adult should have.
You say you just want a key to drop things off. Yesterday you said you wanted to move in. We know the truth of what you want here. She is not doing anything wrong at all. You are not entitled to a key to her home.
What about your classes?
How would it impact the rehearsal dinner?
Oh, he has a busy schedule? It's almost like only his schedule matters.
I do often pay for dinner ? not sure where you read otherwise?
a single incident means once. three times isn’t once. you’re making excuses as to why you’re too lazy to go down 2 floors and refuse to see that that laziness crossed the boundary she set.
You're 23, and no offense, but you've only known him a year, and haven't even been dating 6 months. You think a baby won't involve you, the daddy's girlfriend?
Rule #1 of being childfree – don't put yourself in a position to be a parent by dating (or marrying) a parent if you really don't want to be a parent.
It's easy to pretend it won't affect you, but c'mon, that's naive; if this is a relationship you see moving forward, it will affect you, don't fool yourself into thinking it won't.
OMG SO MANY HATERS !!!
ALL BECAUSE I WANT TO “CONVINCE” A WOMAN TEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT HURTS HER, PURELY FOR MY OWN PLEASURE!!
HATERS! HATERS EVERYWHERE!!!! WHY????!!!!11
Children should have autonomy appropriate for their age. Not every decision needs to be made for them. It's not about being a “cool parent,” it's about not removing the child's choice for them.
Obviously in situations where it is unsafe, or if the child is too young to make a decision, the parent needs to make a decision for them. But most children over the age of 8 have an opinion on their relationships with parents and other relatives. When they become teenagers or adults, they can become very resentful for having that decision taken from them.
Children should have autonomy appropriate for their age. Not every decision needs to be made for them. It's not about being a “cool parent,” it's about not removing the child's choice for them.
Obviously in situations where it is unsafe, or if the child is too young to make a decision, the parent needs to make a decision for them. But most children over the age of 8 have an opinion on their relationships with parents and other relatives. When they become teenagers or adults, they can become very resentful for having that decision taken from them.
The fact that you are still “close friends” to the point that she knows when you get invited out for the night or to a party means that you are not just friends but still in a relationship without the sex.
You acknowledge that you feel out of control because you have given it all to her. This friendship is not healthy for you. And it's probably not good for her, either, because she is constantly hoping that you will get back together. You need to work on establishing healthy boundaries.
Healthy boundaries would mean:
not being in constant contact not telling her everything you do or every plan you have. spending time apart: a week, two weeks, a month your ex is not entitled to every detail about your life or every thought in your head catching up with each other during set periods of time
It is possible and healthy for you to spend time with other people and simply not tell her. You don't need to tell someone “I was invited to a party and you aren't.” Normally, if someone asks you if you are free on a night, you can say, “No, I have plans”. You are not required to disclose every single detail of your life just because someone asks.
It might help you if you pick periods of the day when you respond to her texts, for instance, set aside times when you are available and tell her that it is a good time to chat or text. Or better yet, catch up with her in person once a week or every other week and save your interactions for these times. You don't need to give her a running commentary on your life. This isn't healthy for either of you, because you are treating her like a gf.
The fact that you are still “close friends” to the point that she knows when you get invited out for the night or to a party means that you are not just friends but still in a relationship without the sex.
You acknowledge that you feel out of control because you have given it all to her. This friendship is not healthy for you. And it's probably not good for her, either, because she is constantly hoping that you will get back together. You need to work on establishing healthy boundaries.
Healthy boundaries would mean:
not being in constant contact not telling her everything you do or every plan you have. spending time apart: a week, two weeks, a month your ex is not entitled to every detail about your life or every thought in your head catching up with each other during set periods of time
It is possible and healthy for you to spend time with other people and simply not tell her. You don't need to tell someone “I was invited to a party and you aren't.” Normally, if someone asks you if you are free on a night, you can say, “No, I have plans”. You are not required to disclose every single detail of your life just because someone asks.
It might help you if you pick periods of the day when you respond to her texts, for instance, set aside times when you are available and tell her that it is a good time to chat or text. Or better yet, catch up with her in person once a week or every other week and save your interactions for these times. You don't need to give her a running commentary on your life. This isn't healthy for either of you, because you are treating her like a gf.
You don’t coerce people into having children they don’t want. It’s not something you compromise on.
Also…I feel like so often on this sub, men are all “I want kids and she doesn’t” and it’s like they have this romanticized vision of being a dad—playing ball in the back yard, coaching t-ball, etc. What they aren’t thinking about is all the stuff women have to consider.
Like….the impacts of pregnancy and childbirth physically and emotionally—with some changes being permanent and optionally painful or even resulting in death. Or the loss of life long earning potential if they take maternity leave or stay home with kids. Or the fact that they are, in most cases, the primary parent booking all of the appointments, picking our clothes, doing all the daily care, etc. men just don’t think about this shit because many men have no intention of doing anything they don’t opt in to—they don’t stop all their hobbies or vacays with the boys.
She knows herself and she doesn’t want kids. Nothing has changed. Stop pushing her.
I agree. AT this point, I just do not know how to make the time. I have two days in the month which are exclusively for her. I am trying to make some time in the day, but I often do not find it.
Thank you. Yes I can also understand her side that's why I wanna make things right. Unfortunately it is really something I can't control. I will try viagra.
Thank you. Yes I can also understand her side that's why I wanna make things right. Unfortunately it is really something I can't control. I will try viagra.
If there is video, it needs to be set to Benny Hill music.
Why do you even want to be with him? What is he offering that’s makes you’re life any better?
This reads like all he does is bring you down. Are their any positives in your relationship? Regardless , let the trash take itself out.
He forced you to come pick him up and take you both to dinner despite being sleep deprived and not wanting to go yet had the gall to act like a child because you were 8 minutes late. I hate lateness a lot personally, but he is being very demanding
You have to unsend the message pretty quick right? No way he pocket dialed up 5 texts in a row come on.
He could also prove that by simply telling his gf immediately
I did love him very much, but now it seems that was built under false pretenses.. I didn’t know all the details to make an educated choice in what I was doing
I honestly think there’s too much missing for any advice to be solid other than it has absolutely nothing to do with the way you look! Whether you’re conventionally attractive or not (and what does conventionally attractive really mean anyway?) there’s a lid for every pot. Someone finds you very attractive and if that’s not the person you’re sleeping with that’s a then problem and not a you problem.
Could it be that your boyfriend has health issues that are giving him ED like diet, exercise, etc.? Possibly.
Could it be that you have mismatched libidos? Possibly.
Could it be he watches too much porn? Possibly.
Could it be that he masturbates too quickly? Possibly.
Could it be psychological? Possibly.
Could it be that he’s exhausted from work? Possibly.
Unfortunately it’s impossible to know without getting more information. Has he been to a doctor? Has he had his blood work taken? How’s he feeling? Does he want to have more sex? Why or why not? Does he feel pressured? Does he drink? Does he smoke? Do you drink or smoke? How has his sex drive been with previous partners?
Do not~
Breaking the cycle means letting it go. Sending anything to him will give him satisfaction. You will not get closure, the last word or a gotcha last word.
You should get some professional help to help you deal with letting go and breaking the cycle.
Do not respond and when he shows up next time tell your H to slam the door in his face. No texts, emails, or calls.
Wow, that’s some 1930s Germany shit right here. You know how that turned out, right? You weren’t on the right side.
holy shit, i somehow missed that bit. Yeah, obviously she's got her own stuff but he's a real POS.
You've repeatedly asked him to stop and he REFUSES.
WHY are you staying with someone who has ZERO respect for you and your feelings? And please, don't answer that with “But I love him!” You can love someone and they can still be an absolute shit person.
Being aligned on child rearing is important.
In my experience, permissive parenting is much more common when parents are separated and even more so if one home has less than 50% physical custody. Historically, got better or worse, it’s been the man who gets less physical custody. Hence the origin of the phrase “Disney Dad”.
You may think it’s cute now when she’s 4 that she can beg for whatever and you give in but long term, you’re creating a monster who also isn’t getting the age appropriate opportunity to learn to deal with disappointment and self soothe.
A parenting class would probably be a great idea. If you’re in the US, call United way 211 and they can let you know what is available in your area.
As for your GF, if she’s constantly responding that way, it’s possible there really is an issue with how you parent. Either way, you don’t like the criticism and you’ve asked her to stop. She hasn’t. So the ball is in your court. Take it or leave it.
Raising kids is nude enough. To try to do it with someone you’re not aligned with causes constant t conflict. I mod a childfree step mom group and 90% of the issues our members ask for help with are mismatched parenting expectations—largely permissive parenting or poor boundaries.
Yeah no you blew it.
How tf are you married yet still worried about an ex I feel bad for husband
I see it as cheating for sure. Even if he didn’t officially say ‘ we’re bf gf’ and have y’all on Facebook as such or whatever, it sure sounds like it was considered monogamous where you’d have thought he wouldn’t even consider that. That’s what has me thrown for a loop.
It sounds to me like he planned trying to sleep with someone else and that’s why he pulled back. And the projection onto you was doubly messed up.
I’m so sorry.
The last race I ran condoms were given out at the end along with a ton of other things from sponsors.
INFO: what are the “superhero elements” he wants to incorporate? If it’s something like a superhero tie/cuff links, i wouldnt be upset. If he wants to show up in a cape or tails id be concerned
That’s my point though, even if the good outweighs the bad, that’s not worth it for any relationship. I mean, there should be so little “bad” in a healthy relationship that such a sentiment wouldn’t be necessary. It’s great that he’s in therapy but it sounds like he has a lot of work to do on himself before actively participating in a live-in relationship with someone.
You say he “shows up” for people but is he bothering to show up for you/your relationship? Because in a regular healthy relationship, couples share household duties and chores. If one person is super busy with something like earning their masters, it ought to be understood that the other party in the couple would pick up more of the slack.
If my husband ever dared to say anything remotely like that to me, I’d be out. But he wouldn’t, because he isn’t selfish or mean for the sake of being mean. There are plenty of men in the world who would love and appreciate a partner who is working so nude to better their future, and who wouldn’t accuse you of not doing enough around the house, guys who would be happy to help. It sounds like y’all have been together for so long that he knows you are likely not going anywhere and he can treat you however he likes. That’s sad, OP.
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Hi so me and my Ex have been on and off for the past 4 years which means we've been together since freshman year we ended up moving in together a little after all 3 of us graduated. So now a little backstory leading to this break up I ended up losing my job and they had to cover my portion of rent for 2 months because it was around the end of the year and no one was hiring on but when I got a job Immediately paid them back in full but I guess me stressing over trying to get a job I didn't spend enough time with her which I understand but on the other hand everytime I tried I would just get asked about jobs and when I was gonna be working when I was trying and already constantly stressed about it so I distanced myself so I could try and focus on getting them paid back, well during that time she had developed freinds for our roommate who also happens to be her best freind. So one night while at work I get a text basically telling me I had a month to get out of the apartment and she didn't want to be with me anymore. I spent the month trying to fix things with her and get her back until my mom's house ended up getting damaged in a storm, which is where I was supposed to go stay but they ended up having to go to a hotel so I can't leave and she gets pissed and yells that I better find somewhere to go and that I need to leave HER apartment (both our names are on the lease the roommates is not) when I literally had nowhere to go so I refused to leave and stay a bit longer well he ended up telling her that he didn't want to be with her after all that had went down and now she wants me back and I do kinda want to get back with her but at the same time I just don't know if I can give it another shot especially cause I started talking to a different girl who is way more similar to me than she is but lives an hour and a half away so I don't know if anything would work between us. So now I'm stuck because I love my ex even after all that shit but i don't know if it would ever work out long term.
Your actions show me that you are interested in trans people which is fine but I am not interested in being the third-party in that situation. I ask that you move out and pursue your desires elsewhere.
Idk and I don't think I ever will just try to keep moving forward.
The absolute hardest part is that we live together (I know I KNOW I have absolutely learned my lesson the nude way with this) and when I bring this breakup down on him, it’s going to be a massive blowup and he’s also most likely going to have to go back home w his parents in another state
My bf had a past ex-girlfriend like this. She said she was unable to have children so they weren’t careful and she ended having two of his kids. After the first kids there were signs of her mental health declining. By kid two she was taken in a mental health facility. They seperated but a court judged her unfit to be a mother so the kids live with him. She stalked and harassed him and went to the kids school because she wanted to see them. He had to move to a different address and he agreed to let her see them only with our country’s version of cps present. She still regularly asks my bf if he’s willing to take her back, despite her living with another guy for 6 years and him dating me for the 3 years. The guy she’s living with isn’t great, addicted to alcohol and they do coke on the weekends. It’s fukced up the kids so badly.
It’s such a mess.
What always worries me is when people “expect” you to take care of them. And so far you have. Why would she let you go?
If I were you I’d not get babytrapped and perhaps even break up with this girl. Unless you want a SAHM as a wife with mental health issues.
The general rule of thumb is that if you are at the stage of having to issue ultimatums, then the relationship is pretty much over anyway.
With the issue you are facing with her, you should understand that she knows what it is she is doing and the effect that it not only has on you, but what it also has on your son. Her life as it stands is pretty much down to her job and her friends. Where you are your son stand in her life is fairly obvious. This is what she wants to do.
And she knows this and possibly doesn't care. That she has been able to do this for so long is effectively down to a single point – she does because she can. And whilst she can live this life she will.
Giving her ultimatums won't change anything and in all seriousness, why would it? You have both been down this path before, she cheated on you and you forgave her, so she knows in her mind that you'll just cave in like the last time. So again, she knows what she is doing and simply doesn't have the respect for you that brings her even close to caring what you think or feel.
The problem you have though is that you know exactly what to do – break up and come up with some sort of parenting arrangement (or go for full custody). Giving her the “bar or me” talk won't matter to her at all long term. She'll probably even say “you” and drop the bar stuff – for a while. And you know that you'll be right back here again in a few months time lamenting about it all over again.
So instead of issuing ultimatums that are useless, just drop the mic on her, tell her to find somewhere else to on-line and someone else to sponge off and then drop your feelings for her.
You know what to do, you just need to find it in your to do it.
“I, personally, have no problem with it.”
There's the problem bud. You may not have a problem with it, but OP does. Not everyone wants the private details & problems in their bedroom being aired to an audience.