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First off, I am very sorry this happened to you. Second off, please seek counseling or therapy. It will help.
We can’t tell if you’re in love or not. That’s really something you’ll have to figure out for yourself.
But what you’re describing seems more like infatuation than what would be a sense of deep love, at least for myself. Infatuation is what gives you that warm feeling of butterflies and always wanting to be near them or talking to them, etc. It can certainly grow into something more deep. But if I were in your position experiencing what you’re saying, I’d just call it a crush.
Talk abt it in person if it bothers you and if it doesnt change try your luck somewhere else
There have been THREE people in the comments who have understood me, been kind, respectful. The problem is you.
“The person you marry is the most important financial transaction of your life.” Straight facts brother. Marriage is often a terrible business contract amplified if one marries a terrible partner. Nothing like holding up your part of the marriage for your partner to piss it away and get rewarded for it… Sorry you had to experience a divorce but hope you are happy and thriving brother.
To change his behavior, I would take him up on his offer to plan things together.
The trick, I think, is positive reinforcement. To avoid playing Teacher, or otherwise talking down to him. To quickly show encouragement when he says or does something right, and when he ventures an idea that seems questionable to you, keep your disdain under tight control. And when he makes mistakes, as he surely will, let him learn by himself where we went wrong, while you hold your tongue.
I realize that after 6 years your patience has run low, and you may feel that this is an unreasonable burden. AFAIK there is no shortcut.
I'd recommend you start recording audio and video if possible, check your recording laws for your state, but if you're able to record his stupid song or him trying to enter your room while you sleep or shower, you'll have concrete proof
A lot of good advice here. Another thing I would add – secretly record every interaction with him, especially that creepy song he sings about being turned on by you.
You being in the middle is a hot ploto be. You should not be in it.
Again discuss it and agree together, then move no with your lives. Toxic people poison others.
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You are long distance. Just write him that you break up. And then block him. He treated you like shit and wanted to use you for his fetish (oh, what dream for a feeder to stuff someone skinny to being obese puke). He don't deserve a big explanation, he knows why you break up. And if he really takes it bad and won't stop to contact you, tell him you will go to the police if he doesn't stop. And send screenshots of the really bad messages to his parents.
That was his responsibility, and he decided you weren’t worth it.
And in case you didn’t notice, he’s getting worse. You’re not even worth trying for anymore to him. It’s because he genuinely doesn’t give a shit about you, you’ve been sticking around through so much he’s lost any respect he had for you. And are you not seeing that on your wedding day he finds faking it for your sake, to be too much effort to bother with, because he’s using you.
It seems less like you need to “get through to him”, and more like he’s trying to get through to YOU that this is just your basic position in his life as a person he doesn’t care for. It seems like he’s trying to break up and you won’t get it, he’s lazy and probably wouldn’t mind making you take the emotional burden for the break up while he uses you until you get it, because even cutting you off, is more than he thinks you deserve.
A big part of him is probably genuinely surprised that you’re still going along with it, if you don’t rip the bandaid off, he’s just going to find an even LESS convenient way to screw you over than on your wedding day.
What will it take?
I understand what the spelling means, haha. I was supplying it as another context clue.
What if he's right? OP has not even claimed she hasn't cheated, and when asked to get a DNA test, she claims she wants to do ancestry to “avoid awkwardness”. There is always a 2nd side of a story.
Your fiancée is an enormous pain in the ass. I’m betting anyone who has ever come in to contact with her has wanted to tell her to stfu.
If you marry this psycho, that’s on you.
You are completely right. It wasn’t my fault for not truly knowing the way “Mikey” felt. I never once thought of it in a perspective where I am not the one completely in the wrong. It never once occurred to me that it was silly for them to drop me over that. Thank you for opening my eyes to that reality. But, even with this in consideration, I can’t shake the guilt of purposely avoiding talking about “Daniel”.
Yes you're being unbelievably stupid. Dig your own grave
Sounds fair!
He said he was shook as I’ve never hit his hand like that and I usually just gently move him if I don’t want something. I think it shocked him
Yeah, it’s not like she was asking for no reason. Privacy is super important, but also opening that up as needed when there is a valid reason is important too.
Thanks for the response. I know you’re right but god is it heartbreaking. But I need to make the decision now before it gets even more difficult. Bedroom is okay. Usually him-focused.
How do I talk to her about this because I don’t want this to impact our relationship
Instead of talking, you should listen. Your behaviour already impacted your relationship. If you want to save it, listen your friend and stop stalking her boyfriend.
(Also there is no “fake gay”, and a bi/het man can be friend with a bi/het woman without cheating…)
You appreciate being called his “fat ass bitch”?
THIS
No no no no no no no
cut and run. trust me. get your self tested.
A few things; first, if what's working is working, there's no logical need to mess with it, although you can certainly think of other ways.
Second, communication is key, especially as it relates to sex. If you want to know ways she might enjoy you initiating, or ways she could initiate, ask her!
Finally, you might want to consider r/sex. Good luck.
You don’t offer her anything. You’d be a burden to her if you moved in. It’s not enough because I’m a relationship, you’re supposed to be EQUAL PARTNERS. Not mommy and manchild.
Hi, I'd like to clarify further if helps the confusion.
My boyfriend and I are clearly linked on our social platforms – photos together, tags and comments etc.
He has blocked her from being able to message him, so my assumption is that to her I am the next best person to contact.
To address the comment below, she drove him home after their one-night stand so knows where his mother lives as that is where he was based at the time.
I would love to be able to say my current life situation was fantasy, but its certainly not something I enjoy fantasising about, especially the part where I lose my child.
Ok now it just got stupid. You actually think it's reasonable to marry someone you hardly know just because her parents want her to get married this year and you happen to be to hand?
None of that matters if he won’t communicate it. Aren’t healthy relationships about earnest communication? Not passive-aggressive comments? That’s where he’s gone wrong.
Yes, I take them all the time. There are precautions that one can take. Let the driver know that you are sharing the drive coordinates with a friend or family. Actually have someone you know be checking person who you share coordinates with. In this case your GF could have been the one she sent the coordinates to. It is litteraly in both apps as a safety feature. It can be done easily to say to the driver, “Check…..J knows I'm on my way now. He is so protective.”Then call or video call someone (a designated check in person who knows you are out) to kill time and add provided monitoring. If you cannot find someone, have a fake conversation. I have done it countless times on metro late at night or on the way home when a situation did look good. When the classmate arrived at her destination and safely in the door she sends a text to your GF saying arrived safe. People need to have situational awareness.
The key is not be an easy target. Don't be nice. In a lift/uber situation, use the safety feature. Do be aware of what is going on even if you are on a video call. If the driver vearrs off the path, call the police report the driver. You do have name of the driver, make, model and location of the where you are.
You are back to saving mode…….. women can take care of themselves.
But if it takes 5mins why can’t he I don’t enjoy doing it. Also last year he did literally all the chores and hardly complained let alone got mad at me so idk why it all the sudden changed with him not wanting to do anything for me. Like even if I ask him to grab me something while we’re in bed he tells me to get it myself.
I think you're absolutely right, I tried to tell him this multiple times, that maybe he is “projecting” his feeling of stress at the house, because sometimes he is very anxious about very little things and it usually comes to hand when he has a hot day at work, but he's not accepting this, and he refuse going to therapy. That's the reason I'm don't know how to handle the situation any more but just read your comment made me feel really understood. Thank you very much.
Whatever you do, please don’t have children with this guy.
We had only immediate family. Like siblings and parents. Nieces and nephews were a package deal with our siblings. I wanted only our parents. Husband wanted more family. I'd have preferred a court house wedding.
You don't need every single family members there especially ones you don't actually have a relationship with.
Call the police
Just steal the cat back OP!!! Break a window and oops the cat got out and ran away. And then leave the husband!
Then why haven’t you asked him to? I think that’s part of the problem. You don’t know her, have met her once and this has been going on for years. I’d be uncomfortable too if my partner had a friend of the opposite sex and I’ve never met them. Especially if they were close friends.
It’s time to sit down and have a conversation with him about why you two haven’t been introduced after all this time.
Leave him and call the authorities.
You need to be direct. I suspect he knew you didn’t want to and he didn’t care. And you sound like seeing him is an option! Oy, my advice is to take a break from dating until you build up some self-esteem and enough courage to say no, otherwise you could end up brutalized by a man.
Wish I had an award for you! This is the way.
I would take even something more expensive that I can sell, but not so expensive that he would bother to pursue legal action.