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Mary Moody, 30 y.o.
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Please don’t misunderstand this, I don’t think it’s right for her to delete anything and lie about it.
But in what reality has this not already ruined your relationship? You breached her privacy because you ‘needed’ to know something, went through her messages, confronted her about it, and were arguing with her about this for hours? How do either of you come back from that?
Why does it matter if she admits to anything? The damage seems to be done. If she finally admits it, how do you rebuild trust from there? You know she stood in your face and lied for hours. If she never admits anything, how will you trust her knowing that you are 100% sure about what you found? This is a lose, lose.
I’m sorry to be blunt, but she doesn’t owe you anything — if she’s lying and you know she’s lying, what are YOU going to do with that knowledge? Do you want to continue a relationship with someone, where after 6 years, you still are not in the place where you can say to them “I’m uncomfortable with your new relationship and really need to be reassured nothing is happening. I’m worried you might be starting to have feelings for this other person”??
You have a lot of power in this, and choosing to continue to confront her sounds like you being right is more important than you figuring out how you even got to this place in the first place.