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Think very carefully about inserting yourself between a man and his kids. I absolutely get that this is across a line. I’d say, draw the line next year. This happened many times with me, it wasn’t until several years passed that gf/wife gained traction on this general topic with me. Although I would never have done this particular thing of sleeping over. But ex would come over early on Xmas day to my house and have brunch with us while girls opened presents. On-line in gf wasn’t super happy. That was too bad.
My girls are now 19 and 21 and super well adjusted, happy and healthy young ladies. We were great co parents and now are not in contact at all. Last time I heard from ex was logistics for hs graduation. There are just things you have to do for those kids to make life normal. Nothing you say at this juncture will change that. It’s a losing battle for you.
Damn. Ignore the legal points. Just make her stupidly uncomfortable and eventually she'll leave.
I live! in NYC. I have seen this work the best.
You have been with this guy for 5 years. Do you have plans or at least hopes for marrying or having kids? Let’s talk money. 3 kids takes a lot of costs. You know that good amount of his pay checks would always go to his other kids. He would have to send them to college and support them through life. Are you ok with that? I mean, I’m looking at this from a rational point of view.
I'm 26 and couldn't date a 20 year old. You couldn't even get in to where I work or get a beer at dinner. Yikes.
Presumably that child would be inheriting from another parent as well? That would bother me a lot tbh. It should be equal unless there is a really good reason like disability or something.
Yes I’m aware you don’t need to link the Wikipedia definition you just looked up. Our evolution split to where it wouldn’t be correct to say humans and apes are the same. Once the human species evolved into homoerectus, we made an evolutionary stride beyond apes and have only continued to do so from beyond that, making it scientifically incorrect to say “humans and apes are the same.” Hope that helped.
A colleague? That’s super weird – no business will think it’s a good idea.
A super close friend to an expensive city with 2 beds? Sure I’ve done it (after being married for 10 years).
u/yowen2000 Do you think any chance of salavaging this ?
Cripes man, the only person who is wrong is YOU.
Your ex does not want to date you. You shouldn't have to convince anyone to stay in a relationship with you. The fact that you've clearly had to coherece her several times should proof enough that her parents were right to question you.
You need to move on. Stop contacting her and let her be
He didn’t freeze up in the moment though. He told her he was “drunk with pleasure.” He enjoyed it and is trying to absolve himself of guilt by making her seem like some evil temptress.
You need to consult with a child therapist and lawyer. If you don't want to co-parent with him because of his behavior, fair enough, but find out your legal rights. He did not sign away parental rights & could sue. You may be better off getting mediation and an agreement of rights signed.
Also, when/if this all comes out you are going to need help explaining to your kids the whole thing- child therapist consult.
It sounds like you’re sexually incompatible and from the part “he mentioned he would not turn down most of his female friends if they asked him for sex” sounds just like him saying straight up he would cheat on you without issue with those female friends.
I would sit down with him and just talk about your exclusivity and if it means anything to him.