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Well im a dude so take this with a grain of salt, but I work with all women and I get propositioned somewhat frequently by married women, who for the most part seem like decent people. Married, have kids, etc…and it always starts out the same way as what your wife is doing here.
I use to not really pick up on very quickly but it's happened enough now that if a coworker is reaching out to me outside of work they almost certainly want to fuck.
It's happens so much that I honestly think just about anyone will cheat if the right person crosses their path. Reddit will downvote me for that statement lol but…
Your wife is absolutely putting herself out there though, there's no reason for her to be texting him asking about his kids n shit trying to find things to keep conversations going. She's deleting conversations, talking about him frequently to you? She's definitely got a crush, you probably need to figure out if it's gone further than that.
You’re right I don’t think there’s a very proper way to ever say that to anyone. It might make more sense to just end it now.
It seems to me that you're not compatible romantic partners. You barely qualify as “close friends” based on that description you gave. And I have a feeling that you're aware of that.
So what's holding you back? Is there a reason you won't end this relationship and seek a partner who is capable and willing of fulfilling your standards of a healthy romantic relationship?