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Languages: en
Birth Date: 2003-01-28
Body Type: bodyTypeCurvy
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
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Eyes color: eyeColorBlue
Subculture: subcultureGamers
Here’s the issue:
What hurts the relationship about cheating isn’t just the sex, but the entire behavior around the cheating; therefore, it isn’t a black/white issue, but rather an entire spectrum of behavior.
(1) you clearly have residual feelings because you wanted to reconnect with your ex. The “reminiscing” was an engagement in an intimate moment with your ex.
(2) The message (which you have not shared with Reddit) was intimate enough that your ex felt compelled to come and see you. If I were the gambling type, it was likely you who ended the relationship and your ex, and she likely still had feelings for you. Why bait her? Perhaps you’re feeling bored? Maybe just wanted to feel desired? Maybe the last relationship was a toxic boomerang and you wanted to see if you could still hold this woman’s attention? Your motivation was not innocent. If YOU can’t see that… perhaps not date until AFTER a diagnosis and intensive therapy.
(3) If the message was so innocent, why not disclose it to your GF? Hmmm you withheld this information because you knew your GF would not accept this behavior. You violated a clear boundary (evident in the fact that you didn’t tell her) AND you LIED by omission (failure to disclose).
Now, you know and I know and all the redditors on this comment section knows that the message HAD to be intimate enough to have constitutes cheating, because the lying enough was a terrible thing to do, but the content of the message was the nail in the coffin.
So here’s my little warning for you. You are 30. There is a certain expectation of maturity that comes with 30. You’re rookie days are over.
Your dating pool of frivolous hookups is shrinking rapidly, and you’re going to find far more self serious woman in your dateable age bracket who will not tolerate being manipulated.
You either are incredibly stupid, in which case good luck in life; OR you are a manipulative and dishonest person.
Reddit is NOT going to co-sign this behavior. Move on. Leave this woman alone. You already robbed her of a year of her life.