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So one of my college roommates had a dad that was seriously into cheating. They had a house in another country that he visited for frequent vacations to “check up on it”. Turns out he was boinking the maid.
Dad didn’t have a job, mom was a pandemic nurse, so he used her OT money to send the maid gifts, clothes, and money.
This had been going on for years tho, even before the pandemic, and my roommate knew because he walked in on them boinking when he went on vacation with them. He was 15. Dad swore the kid to secrecy with threats of abandonment.
At 25 he finally told his mom. It had been EATING at him for 10 years. He broke down on the phone crying. I was there when he told her. She was in shock and so angry at him for being silent.
After some conversation she forgave him. What was he gonna do? Betray his father?
No. His father betrayed him. His father already abandoned his family. It was only a matter of time before they found out.
You did the right thing. It’s not your fault. It’s his fault. You saved your mother and your family from years of lies. Good on you.
It's nude to be friends with people you are romantically interested in because once you start seeing them date, all those feelings get brought back up.
He's no longer nice because you married him, because he is a manipulative and abusive man at his core.
Men generally are nicer BEFORE you marry them.
OP you are being abused. He knows whats he's doing! He has control of himself. You never saw he bad side before because he PURPOSELY hid it from you.
Honey, this is abuse. He’s not going to change, and abusers that go to therapy just learn advanced techniques on how to abuse. Google “Why does he do that?” PDF, the full book is completely free and on the first page of google. He is intentionally intimidating you to control you – if he genuinely was so angry he couldn’t hold it in, why are you the only person he takes it out on? He doesn’t explode on his boss or his coworkers, even though he hates his job, does he? Best wishes to you. Please stay safe and leave this man.
Just go up behind and give cuddles, little ass feel etc
If you want to fool around then when he's in bed just come in wearing something that you both know is for the bedroom etc
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We have been married for around 2 years and thrice have had the same argument. My(22F) sister wants to crash at our (34 M and 34F) place and he says it ruins his mental peace.
The first instance she wanted to visit me on his day off(he would be home) he didn't want her to come so we argued ALOT till I caved
The second tim, she arrived past midnight, it pissed him off so much he told our mom to pick her up.
Today, she messaged me she wants to stay the night. She hadn't talked to me or parents since passed 5 days but texted me she has been on and off suicidal and needs a place to crash. I asked him and a huge fight ensued. He said if I had known this was gonna happen, I would have reconsidered marriage and that thus is a huge redflag in our relationship. After all the drama he called her and asked her to come over, but told me this is the last time and next time it won't happen again since we will have no discussion, he will take direct action. When I asked what is the action, he didn't not reply. It feels like he is threatening divorce, but I am unable to see what is wrong if I help my depressed/possibly manic sister out. I'm stuck in a limbo and don't know how to help my sister while also not pissing my husband off. Please help.
He's the one setting a boundary. He's telling you what HE can and can't do. He can't stay in a marriage where he has to be so impacted by your choice to enable your sister. It's not an ultimatum. He's not making you “choose”, because that implies your choice is between being responsible for your sister or cutting her off. Your sister already isn't your responsibility, but your family is. You're just making her your responsibility. You're free to continue to talk with her when you don't let her behavior affect him. But because you're not setting boundaries with her, he's communicating his boundaries to you.
That person is out there but you can’t make someone be that person for you. I’d honestly advise some therapy I obviously don’t know your history or if anything led to you feeling like this but it might be helpful. Surround yourself with family and friends and maybe vent to them. Sometimes you need someone to be harsh to you for you to get a bit of a reality check. I’ve realised I’ve needed that although I’ve not liked it at the time. Sometimes we can’t always see our situation and need to be told. I hope you Find the strength to put yourself first op you got this!
I would stay away from your mom. She doesn’t care about your feelings and doesn’t deserve you.
UGH that's so gross
Well we all know he deleted the incriminating communication before handing over his phone. He was either doing a drug deal or cheating.
Ya gotta tell her you feel like it was a gift that’s mainly for the two of you and not just you. That sounds more like a Valentine’s Day gift or an anniversary gift. If you’re not honest with her about it, it’ll keep happening. It’s not rude to say ‘hey, this is really cute for the two of us, but I was really hoping for something more tailored to me.’ My fiancé hasn’t always been the best gift giver but over the years he’s gotten way better and is more attuned now to what I like/need.
In short, she's found someone in her home country she's really enjoying sleeping with. But doesn't want to skip on the free Visa with you?
lol. OP… really man?
Wake up.
What the hell is up with this comment section, how did people create an entire history of her being an abusive, narcissistic monster who kills virgins to maintain her beauty?? Don't underestimate what constantly being compared to your mother and falling short can do to a child. The age gap is yuck, but no context is given to warrant such wild conclusions about OP, her marriage or a narcissistic personality disorder that everyone has diagnosed her with.
Yeah, I really wish that people on these subs would stop just jumping to conclusions based on buzzwords they've seen other people use. Actual Mental health professionals will be the first to tell you that diagnosing someone with a personality disorder takes a lot of in person interaction and assessment.
UpdateMe!
Talk to her about it. She is her own person and can do what she wants (no matter how stupid and reckless it is). You don’t have to be ok with it either. If it bothers you that much end things with her. You are your own person too.
None of us can tell you what's going on in his brain. Block him on all socials. Get a restraining order if he is stalking you.
How does he know who you are dating? Keep that ish to yourself and try not dating people that might be in his social circle.
But bottom line, him telling rumors about you is more of a reflection of him than you.
I’ve tried that but keep ending up at square 1 so gave up
Girl just leave
Get a new girlfriend. This one has honesty and loyalty defects.
You can’t really fix anything if he thinks he’s right. The confused is probably confused why you don’t agree with him.
that is way more hurtful.
omg! adult diapers would be hilarious ???? im totally doing this lmfao i cant wait to see his reaction
So, part of me applauds him for his honesty about his dealbreaker: he wants children. Nothing inherently wrong with that. Like 90% of Reddit posts wouldn’t exist if everyone was this blunt lol.
What would give me pause is the “very soon” and if he is in fact just looking for a functioning womb. What’s “very soon” to him? How many children? Does he expect you to stay home while you’d prefer to work? And: do you want these things?
I think you should talk to him about these things. He’s your crush so I assume you have had some interactions? And think there’s potential for compatibility? Why not talk to him!
My friends always
That's your friends, that's clearly not her friends. It's nice to have people you can trust, but for a lot of people out there, they end up with shit like OP's situation, and I'm sorry this is happening to her, but the fact is that it happened. She was straight up betrayed by her best friend.
My point is sometimes people betray you and the best way to avoid that is to minimize the chances that someone gets to do that.
As for this…
Have you considered getting better friends?
That's pretty loaded. In my case, with my friends, if one in the group gets too tired, we all decide to call it a night, or if some people still want to hang, they leave and go somewhere else to continue, and everyone checks in to make sure everyone got home safe. I think they're pretty good friends.
get out. it's not your job to care for him, and nobody deserves this.
There isn't enough publicized about how fatherhood changes men, nor enough about how having children brings up our not-so-great childhoods. At some point, we all find ourselves doing something we said we would never do as parents and partners, and, for a lot of people, that something is recreating the shitty home life we grew up in. That shittiness is what feels comfortable, and the horror of realizing our childhoods were full of neglect, abuse, and other traumatic events can be overwhelming when we look at our babies. The patterns of generations are nude to break, but it is possible. A trauma-trained therapist is worth every penny.
Just end it for her.
Tell her that you have better things to do than worry about whether or not she is going to give in to an ultimatum from a friend.
Then you may need a new group of friends. Frankly, if she’s a good looking young woman, they may be more interested in keeping her around. They’re not really your friends either if they’re behaving like that.
Yeah, I would get takeout on the way home, water my plants, have a bath and then go to bed
He can learn to cook in addition to cleaning
How is he with the other chores?
So, after three years, you've decided that you miss your daughter. This entire post is all about YOU. What YOU want. What YOU feel. Nothing about remorse or regret or your own stupidity. Only “I just don't see why she can't come around.”
Why should your daughter forgive you?
You told her she meant nothing to you You told her you resented her. You told her you wished she'd never been born.
GTFOH
Exactly lol she literally has to stay in his ass like shes his mother to make sure he brushes his freaking teeth. I pray its not the same when it comes to washing his ass.
Stop going out with this person. Don't be mean as it seems he's just being friendly.
You need to talk to your man and be honest about the fact you need time with him. “I feel as if you feel im holding you back and we need to get on the same page because that's bullshit and I'm not going to parties anymore without you.”
He in aa? Or similar? He have a mentor /coach /similar you can talk too?
Are you in alanon? Support group for family of alcoholics and recovering alcoholics? Maybe you could find someone to help you in your journey with him as you are?
Fix this before you go any further wth this “friend” if you want to save the relationship.
I guess my confusion comes from me wanting to be back with him but I know my brain isn’t thinking rationally. It hurts to see this relationship die but you are right. I don’t want to be lied to by the one person I’m supposed to trust completely
That's tough. Try not to let sunk costs fallacy prevent you from hanging onto hope.
I too am nursing a broken heart after years with someone. All you need to remember is that whatever he was is not who he is now.
Gotta love your therapist
He’s a 20 year old boy. Being fickle comes with the territory and he doesn’t really have any experience with relationships to know what the right thing to do is.
Right??? I’ll say this, it’s inventive at least. The fertility issues make zero sense too. They’d never let this go 7 rounds of IVF if husband didn’t have viable sperm.
I walked away trust me
Belongs to the streets behavior
Okay, maybe this is why I'm uneasy about this situation. If this was like a one time thing of legitimate curiosity or something I'd mayyyybe let it slide and say okay.. but thinking it couldn't evolve into something more is naive, you're right.
Clarification: You wanted to pawn the siblings off on your gf so you could keep your man date?
Ew guess women in his age range aren't as easy to manipulate, don't feel to bad for all you know she's posting on his profile aswell. I can almost guarantee it's not him or the relationship you miss it's nude to move on when you've had bad relationships I'd definitely talk to your partner about it.
I've done this in the past and my partners reassured me and even took the piss out of my ex (and his to) to make me feel better, is it the healthiest coping mechanism no but when you've been through alot it takes time to work through it especially if a situation pops up that takes you back to when you weren't in a good place.
She gets a pass this time, it can happen.
Don't tell them so you don't have to deal with the drama associated, when the baby come along, just drop it on them, not like you or they could return it then