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•Madizon And Zeus•, 23 y.o.
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I don't think he's talking about an ex?
I agree with you. But assume that she’s pregnant for a second here. Her withholding from me (and we on-line together) means me not being able to follow, touch, my baby. It means her being unhappy and unsupported during pregnancy which is a really difficult time. Or should I not care?
Don't do anything you are not 100% comfortable with. Also, that's a huge agegap.
Don't do anything you are not 100% comfortable with. Also, that's a huge agegap.
I think if we stayed together I’d always be questioning whether he’s up to no good so it realistically can’t work
as long as he doesn't want surgery then you might want to think about sleeping separately.. its not ideal but at least you will get some uninterrupted sleep
No, not yet.
I posted the screenshot of proof to my ig story is that too far
Maybe call your other brother to try and get some control over this, guys like this usually only listen to other men, see if he can get some sense into his head and show him that this behavior isn't okay.
I don't know, I never questioned his spending because it's not my money to make that decision. It crossed my mind if he would have any money left, but I didn't say anything.
Pick the unknown. Have an adventure.
He has no respect for you, either. I would absolutely be done. He wants to go surf dating sites? He can do that as a single man, to his heart's content!
I am really sorry about the loss of your wife, I can't imagine the devastation. To me it sounds like you're just not ready to date yet and that is okay. It may happen in time, it honestly may not, and I would approach things as if you can be okay with both possibilities. I wouldn't necessarily listen to your friends here even though they are simply just trying to do what they think might “help” you, or they just want you to maybe find a relationship so you're not lonely or what not. I don't particularly feel like a year is a really long time to be alone while processing something so major at such a relatively young age. It's not like you were expecting your wife to pass away when she did, so you've had to process this huge unexpected loss and it is going to take time. You say you think of her all the time and miss her immensely, of course you do – and that is okay and honestly that just means you really loved her. At some point, you may feel like you genuinely want to find a new partner, or maybe it just happens when you aren't expecting it naturally but don't try to force it or seek it out prematurely. I wouldn't feel guilty about any of this. You are always going to think of your wife but at the same time, if you enter into a relationship with a new woman, she is going to need to be someone who understands the love you will forever carry for your wife but also not feel like she is some sort of consolation prize. You said it best, you don't want to burden someone with your grief, it's not fair to them or to yourself. Take the time to heal. I feel for you, OP.
Some people believe the stereotypes about men and women, including the “men always want sex” and “men always can have sex”. While it's considered as pretty normal for women to not want it all the time.
Sit down with her and have an honest conversation. She needs to understand that a partner won't be in the mood all the time and that's fine. She has to accept that. Just as you do the other way around.
You could make her remind the times when she was upset back when you wanted sex and she didn't. Now make her realise it doesn't feel different for you as well, if you're approached while you don't want to and she doesn't accept your answer.
I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry this happened to you. I suppose I'll say two things:
your friend is a terrible person. She is not your friend, and definitely did this to hurt you. that being said, she did not lie about anything.
Honestly, what your husband did was in my opinion basically cheating. He didn't cheat because he couldn't, not for lack of trying, and worse, the day before you got married. You say your marriage has been great since then, but still, the fact is he tried to cheat. You haven't been able to touch him in a year, and the sight of him disgusts you. While it does speak a little in his favor that he is trying and is seems to be very remorseful, this current situation isn't sustainable. He may not want to loose you, but I feel like he already has.
If the mere touch of your husband has your body breaking out in hives, there is nothing to really work on anymore, and that's ok. It doesn't have to be up to him to get a divorce, you are well within your rights to ask for one. Don't stay for the kids, that never works and a dysfunctional family isn't one where kids thrive anyways. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved and beautiful, where you don't feel like second choice, one where the sight of your partner doesn't disgust you. And.. he probably doesn't want his wife to feel that way about him either. It's not fair to any of you. Remember HE fucked this up, not you. He may deserve happiness, but it doesn't have to be with you.
I'm probably closer to the dad's age than your age so I'm just going to say – this is weird as fuck.
We have kids, they're not quite in their twenties yet but if my husband said something like this to a girlfriend, or even a straight up friend of one of our kids, I would be APPALLED!
What the fuck was this man thinking? Does he even know how creepy he sounds?
I am reading this situation as dad having a bit 9f a thing for you. Stay away from him, never be on your own with him. It can't hurt to be careful right? All I want to say is this is NOT normal dad behaviour.
I am also trying to get to FIRE and was starting to go down a road similar to your husband. I realized that $50 here and there doesn't make a huge difference. I ran numerous spreadsheets and simulations and realized that spending money on my family is worth it and won't slow down my goals enough to matter. We eat out several times a week, buy the nice car seats, etc. also, if you are saving $80k per year, starting from zero, you'll get to $1M in less than 10 years. I assume you aren't at zero. I suggest reading some FIRE blogs and the subreddit here to get familiar with what your husband has been obsessing over. Mr Money Mustache has some good articles on how to retire early AND on-line a good life while saving. My wife and i discussed me retiring before her so that we don't have to save as very hot. Her job turned south, so now she is pushing harder than me. Sounds like he needs some therapy and to communicate better with you. Pure speculation based on my own experience but he possibly has some childhood trauma about money and hates his job. That combination is a disaster for a partner who wants to live a “normal” financial life.
Surprise him with a huge big ole’ two sided dragon dildo that can reach all types of angles.
“Came out as polyamorous.” Oh honey.
Of course you can break up. People change. It would be very unusual to spend the rest of your life with your first boyfriend. But you can't find out who is out there if you don't let go.
You need new friends, a new situation, a new everything. And there is so much wonderful everything out there.
You are 20 years old. The world is your oyster. It's all beginning. The death of one relationship makes the fertile soil in which your new life can grow. This boy will always be a part of your past. Maybe you can be friends again after a while. But right now, let him gooooooo. Don't cling and don't let him cling. Start fresh. On-line your life and be free.
Good for your wife, I almost wish my wife would do the same for me.
I've been trying so nude to keep a spark and it's honestly exhausting and hurts the relationship at times.
I truly love her but damn I got needs
Do not tell her she does not want to know.
Have fun and please please please try to keep feelings out of it
So she has to “rent” your furniture? That’s ass
Please add paragraph breaks.
Yes I know I do this. Like I said, I have poor boundaries and I make the classical mistake of not being able to break it of due to thought about this might be the one….
That´s why I wanted as a last resort post this on here.
Personally I would say no. I think that’s going to make you stay attached and give you false hope, and you need to consider that there’s a pretty serious possibility that it’s not going to work out
correct!
Give her time and space. She will either come to conclusion thst she has made a mistake or she will not. You can't force her to feel the way you want her to feel.
Just wait and nothing changes move on. It is a battle she has to fight herself.
Was required in my army unit every 6 months.
Depending on the relationship and the feelings involved and just how this whole family related to each other, their grief could very well be comparable. I think it’s very simplistic to measure love or grief as a strict function of time spent knowing someone.
Dump him. He will move on to the next one and you will be in the same position as his previous gf. He’ll cheat on you with the next one.
And stop having unprotected sex with new partners that you aren’t official/committed to. 8 months and neither of you saying you are committed and exclusive means you run the risk of STD’s.
Sounds like he’s already messing around with someone else if he asked you to test, because he’s worried he’s passed something on to you.
Gaslighting you by making out it’s you that’s not “clean” is a disgusting thing to do.
I’ll be honest… it sounds like you went looking for an unstable woman and then got upset when she was, in fact, unstable. Your lines about “I wanted to save her” and “women who are more emotionally unstable are more sex positive” tells me you wanted someone with issues and baggage.
And while I do believe that type of conspiracy is a red flag, and shows some major lack of judgement, I have concerns that you thought you would swoop in like a knight in shining armor and then she would just conform to whatever you wanted for the sake of getting you to stay. Your edit literally says so.
I can't fathom the idea of being 31 and waiting to get married to have sex. I couldn't fathom it if I were 20, but at 31 it just sounds like a proper, healthy development hasn't taken place. You are basically roommates and you want to wait until you sign all the papers to make if very difficult and expensive for you to break up to find out whether you are sexually compatible, one of the most important criteria in a happy marriage?
“Respectful” and “willing to wait” are also in the playbook for prying open a reluctant girl's pants. He's showing you now that that's what he was doing. If he were genuinely “respectful” and “willing to wait,” he wouldn't be telling you that he's waited long enough, and he wouldn't be sexually assaulting you.
Girl, I really hope one day you can look back and see what a MASSIVE bullet you dodged by not staying with this person.
But isnt a partner supposed to be supportive?
Search the ‘net for “brat taming”
Shes been hiding it, and lying about it… That's pretty much a solid base for cheating
If it was a friendship, she wouldn't have a reason to lie.
You are allowed to be happy. You are worth happiness.
And you don't need this guy to be happy. It might suck right now, but you will find another love. And someone who doesn't control you, put you down all the time.
He's just love bombing you and you know it. Block him and on-line a happy life or allow this worm back into yours and be miserable.
What a horribly sexist thing to say… your words scream immaturity and insecurity.
I hope she listens to her parents.
So what if you did back pedal? You are allowed to change your mind. If you are uncomfortable with this, then don’t do it and don’t feel pressured . If it’s a dealbreaker to him that you won’t, let him go
Toys.
How do we suck
That tells you it all. The fact he hasn’t been blocked and deleted proves that it is all projection because she is cheating. Better off getting out now and not 5 years from now.
I don't know…
Has it occurred to you it might be that she’s seen you can pay your own bills and not mooch off her? So it was her giving you a tick of approval and here you are maligning her character and implying she must be a gold digger? I suspect you’ve given her some warning flags now.
I don't think you can expect much from someone who thinks “suck a cock” is a good way to end a 'magical' date.
Omg! I have an ex who acted in the same pathetic ways when I told him that the way he touches my clit was painful. Then when I tried to show him how I like it, he told me to just do it myself then! Haha yep, happily my dear! Because I can make myself orgasm and you can’t. Don’t stay with this loser, find a man who will LISTEN to you, and knows how to touch your body the way you love it. You deserve it.
I understand that you are hurt & upset, and you are entitled to feel however you feel.
But honestly, I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill here, and if you push this with him, you are going to do more harm than good to the relationship.
It sounds like he was simply venting to get things off his chest as a way to work out if they were valid issues that he needed to address with you. Sometimes in the heat of the moment problems can seem massive, but once that moment passes, you realise that you over reacted & whatever it was means nothing. So you let it go. It’s likely that is what he is doing.
Lady, this guy is not remotely sweet or thoughtful.