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I agree with you
They were not your friends of they ended the friendship over you not showing them to leach off of you guys anymore
Thank you so much for replying to this. He said I ruined his gym session by asking why he was in a rush to kick me off the call before we both said goodnight through text. That was when I went to bed, woke up to his text after his gym session which was at 6am saying “ goodnight im going to sleep. I love you” nothing about the call so part of me was happy but a bit of me was sad he didn’t acknowledge the shock I felt I guess so that’s when I sent the paragraph.
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I would show up anyways and see what is really going on.
Ok so here it is my cousin was a lifelong alcoholic who was manic and had been for a long time. He ended being manic for over a year and in that time financially fucked himself into the ground. He got over a million in debt, burned almost every bridge he had with family and was very hostile toward anyone that wouldn’t enable his behavior(like OPs husband it sounds like) he came to our house even though my dad didn’t want him here but my mom wanted him to come over and feel “safe” he came over and was drunk and manic. He started asking for money and then came into my room and asked for money when I told him i didn’t have any and he went nuts. Started cussing me and then my parents I ran after him and told him what I had wanted to for years, “that no one wanted him around and that he was making everyone as crazy as him with all his bullshit and booze” as he was leaving he ran over one of our animals and hauled ass down the road. We called the sheriffs office and since they know him they figured where he would be. They didn’t arrest him they just drove him to the hospital where he was held for less than 24hrs. When he was released no one called him, no one came to pick him up and no one came to help. He realized he was all alone. So he got a ride to his truck and drove to his favorite bar he had been going to since he was 14 and they have always allowed him to be himself at that bar(drunk as fuck and unstable) he got done drinking from 10am-11pm and then went out to his car and shot himself in the head with a gun he had bought(shouldn’t have been able to in his state of mind but we don’t have any laws like that here so) I went to the funeral and some people were crying but most were not. I could tell they were like me emotionally burned out by having to deal with him for decades.
OPs husband has probably had to deal with the same shit from her sister who is not getting help and doesn’t want it. I wouldn’t want someone unstable in my house. He isn’t being controlling or trying to isolate her from her family as she makes no mention of him not wanting any other family around. You sound like a peach in that you blame the husband and not op for enabling this behavior instead of cutting it out. The outcome my not be what she wants but you can’t help people that don’t want to help themselves.
the “we should get tested before we have sex“ conversation is 100% better than “what’s your body count”. The first leads to protecting both your interests. The second is just gross. Even the phrase is distasteful
My ex said the same thing. It was only sexual live!, nothing happened in person. Then he told me the truth when he was drunk, and of course they did hook up.
It's not like there are cooties in her bed? The ghosts of hookups past?
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Girl. Your mother had made her intentions crystal clear at this point – she does not care about YOU. She wants YOUR MONEY. Cut her out of your life. That way you won't need to tell her that you are not coming back – because you won't be talking to her AT ALL. Problem solved.
Of course you should not risk hurting her feelings.
You didn't say how long you've been together. Give her time and hopefully she'll learn from experience.
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You should file a police report with base police when you get back. Where are you? Grafenwoehr? Ramstein? I would not let this go. What he did was not okay and I bet his superior would like to know.
This is a big deal. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
End this relationship. Asap.
End this relationship. Asap.
Thanks that's what I needed to hear
Crappy ex-fiance but stand up friends. You'll be fine. As long as YOU DONT TAKE THAT POS BACK!
I posted here because everyone in the comments over there is depicting us like monsters and we deserve to know about it. this is exactly why so many people are so afraid to come out as limerent
It’s better to leave now. He isn’t a bf he wants to be single but still have you as back up. Yeah Ik it’s been 2 years of dating but it’s better now than never. He is not the one he does not care of your feelings and is not husband material. Show yourself respect and leave
talk to him about the comment. communication is key, just let him know the comment made you feel uneasy and remember no matter what someone else tells you always love yourself this life is a single player game
I once did. That’s the only way parents will understand their children are not an extention of them and can live! their lives the way they want.
So. Her slamming things and yelling and storming out- angry/violent behavior. She proved your point. Tell her she needs to get her shit together. From this comment it’s clear you’re not on board with how she’s handling her life. It’s been 5 years. You’re gonna stop it now, or live! this way forever :/
umm…ok… So can you give an example of an argument? Like what was the topic of the argument?
Have you told him you think theres a double standard in your communication? When you don't want to talk about something, what kind of communication do you use? For example, you might say “babe I just need a couple hours alone to deal with this before we talk about it. Can we talk after dinner?”
not that I think you're in the wrong, this just seems like a difference in communication between two young, inexperienced people that are still getting to know each other.
Because you are saying I need counseling without reading the comment in which it says I am in counseling
Ew… I suffer from CPTSD because a whole slew of traumatic incidents that have happened to me throughout my life, starting from early childhood. Those of us who are having to deal with trauma suffer so many mental health issues because of it. It's one thing to be supportive of your partner who is struggling through the aftermath of a traumatizing incident, but what you're doing is absolutely different and, I'm not even gonna lie, the way you speak about him because he's suffered through something traumatizing is absolutely creepy and gross as hell. Trauma doesn't make you stronger, it fucks you up, likely for the rest of your life.
If I found out my partner was talking about me like this, I'd absolutely ditch them.
A few things I haven’t mentioned. One is that she has lost some loved ones, and she currently has a serious disease while not having insurance, so we made arrangements for me to help her pay for her surgery. The dependency has grown exponentially since I first surprised the thought. But I am trying to figure out what gave me the thought in the first place a few years ago, and if it was a red flag that I could have seen. Along with how should I continue to feel. I’m struggling to remember because the phones we had then are gone with the messages.
Then what does it matter? Why are you freaking out? Is it because you think she was with someone else or you are upset your child will be aborted? Either way it is not your decision and you have to drop it. The timeline does match up that it could be yours, but you’ll never know. You can mourn the loss but you broke up so move on and don’t have breakup sex.
My advice to you might be different from what everyone else is saying so you probably won't pay it any mind but I would suggest you leave him alone, you already put him through alot during the marriage and he has no way of knowing if you're still listening to your parents while developing more hate towards him.
It would be good if you talked with him and apologized for how you treated him, just try to consider his feelings in the moment just like how he did yours when you showed your hate for him, dont try to guilt trip him or make an ultimatum for him to come back, just tell him you're sorry and you would like to get back together with him but don't beg him to come back, let him take all the time he needs to consider. Even if a few months goes by and he still doesn't come to a conclusion, take it as a no and move one
Let your girl know that someone has brought this to your attention and she should speak to her friend.
Ah religious failure. You didn't teach your daughter how to be an adult. You taught her how to obey. Just like the pharaohs of Egypt for some reason you're surprised she no longer wants to obey. Did God say it was okay to do this to your daughter? You need to come out of the rabbit hole my friend. The deeper you go the worse it gets.
Ah no way. This is disgusting. I guess why he was single before hand.
I would not text her until she texts you first. It seems that she is losing interest but maybe doesn’t wanna be to harsh and she is not telling you. Or, she may be dating someone else and she doesn’t wanna cut things with you in case the other date doesn’t go well.
In any case, it’s pointless to overthink this. You asked if she wanted to stay in touch and she said I don’t know. So I would interpret this answer as a soft No. So don’t contact her, and if possible try to move on.
If you both can put hands on each other, y’all don’t love each other. It doesn’t matter if you “have a low tolerance for someone’s emotional state,” or whatever, if you actually love a person, you care and don’t get mad. It seems like y’all just want company.
People who love each other don’t hurt each other.
If she wants to be with you she needs to stop hanging on this guy's every word. She needs to make that relationship purely professional. At the moment she is emotionally cheating on you, perhaps mildly so, but still, she is.
That's absolutely true. Thank you so much 🙂
It sounds like he's been radicalised by the likes of Andrew Taint and the other creeps. Leave him OP, you deserve better than this guy.
she told me she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and her family found someone to get her engaged with because she lost all the hope of me coming back to her life so she said yes for that engagement
She's engaged. And said she has no feelings for you. Also, you live! on opposite sides of the world.
This is a fantasy of yours, nothing more.
You're manifesting everything in your head:
she doesn’t have feelings for me We online in different parts of the world I feel she still has feelings for me and she still wants to be with me. She makes me feel wanted and I obviously love her and want her more than anything she doesn’t express her feelings She denies every time I ask her I tried to convince her but she tells me not to talk about it
Move on dude. It's not in the cards.
If his first reaction to you seeing “live sex cam chat” on HIS phone’s history is to yell and freak out at YOU, and then break an item special to you a full 20 minutes later – it doesn’t really matter if he’s lying. He is a bully with an anger problem, and he is dangerous. Domestic violence often starts with breaking things – and it’s no coincidence he broke that specific lamp: he knew how much it meant to you, and he took the most direct route to inflict pain.
All the while you’ve done nothing wrong. I hope you are safe now, and can get out of this relationship safely. And to answer your question- yes, he’s lying. His excuse doesn’t make sense, he changed his story, and he really went ballistic with his reaction to your (reasonably) hurt feelings. If he were somehow innocent, his reaction might be confusion, concern, reassurance.
I dont get how you are participating in this, yet are disgusted by it. She is doing this to make money, not because she is into your BF. Obviously, it is good for her business if she gets repeat customers.
We have been together for 4 years. She is the only person I have actually fallen in love with, and have bought an engagement ring for her.
The password manager is lastPass. It is one of the most secure. I think though, she just got into it on my phone with my phones passcode.
who did you hear that from? the ignorant people who don’t know me, and don’t know what i’m experiencing?
It is not the same at all. If you are limiting (genuinely limiting) your lime playing to a couple of hours a week, and you do spend time with her doing things, then she is being unreasonable.
If you wake up and think about your game, go to work/study and when you come home you play until midnight every night, or spend your entire weekend playing, then your relationship is in trouble because you are obsessed with a game and have no time for her.
Only you know if you are a game addict and that's all you want to do.
Having said that, it is nothing like cheating, it's a different problem that is damaging your relationship and/or life.
So, if you only play a few hours a week and she says it's equal to cheating, she has never been cheated on. She is trying to say she wants more of your time. Again, only you know if you are giving her attention or if she is being dramatic and unreasonable/looking for a fight.
Lol
It’s a false perception that marrying the wrong person and divorcing makes you a failure. It just means it’s a complex world and we do our best to guess what our future will be as we make real-time, consequential decisions. If it was easy, everyone else would get it right all the time. And there would be a playbook, broadly disseminated, that explains all this.
Instead of avoiding this false stigmatization of failure, make your life a success by moving on from a relationship and man that are making you unhappy. It is a big deal, but not as big a deal as burning off your life in something lesser than you can find in the future.
She can reduce their communication to solely be about their child, block him otherwise everywhere except one place that she would use only for this. If he refuses, there is only court battle to forcefully establish custody and division of time.
You may think it harsh, but you can't keep this forever and it seems it will continue potentially forever. Since it is clear in the long run it will destroy your relationship, if left as it is, court battle should be prefferable alternative.
Betterment and wealthfront are both over 4% for liquid savings. Throw it in there and build a nest egg for a house down payment.
I think it’s because sometimes I shy away from spending on things that I want which she kind of picked up on. Like I play tennis but I still use beat up 5 year old racquets with holes in them because I want to save my money for other things. I never made a huge deal out of it, and I honestly don’t really mind that much, but from what she said she just saw that and since she had this huge bonus, she didn’t even really think before sending me a small part of it just because she could. And also as general thanks for gifts I’ve given her too. I try to cook for her a lot and clean everything so she doesn’t have to worry about much outside of work. I agree she’s the most amazing human ever!
Your arm goes numb due to lack of circulation. The only possible way is to move it out so she can’t cut off the blood flow. I usually put my girls head in the bend, so o can easily remove it.
I mean if that's the discussion then you're on the wrong sub
yes. a million times yes it’s a deal breaker. he made multiple secret accounts to hide this from you. imagine what else he’s hiding.
he doesn’t deserve you or your family… it will get worse if you stay with him. if he knows he can get away with this, he will test what else he can get away with again and again. he’s not sorry for disrespecting you, your health, your commitment, or your life together. he’s remorseful over being caught.
The terms of your relationship are your business, but I’d make sure you’re not forcing terms on him that he doesn’t share your views on. Did he say explicitly that he doesn’t want you watching videos of guys? Controlling what your partner looks at in any capacity seems juvenile to me. Interacting with other people on social media is a different story, but a video of a semi-clothed stranger isn’t going to destroy your relationship or your partner’s attraction towards you.
Yes of course! but she was talking directly to my boyfriend saying it to him and saying “isn’t she just so photogenic in every photo?” to get him to respond in agreeable way ( at the girls boyfriends birthday ?)
She's not unaware of the things you've said about this guy, but it doesn't matter to her. She's happy and secure in her relationship, and HER intentions are the ones that matter.
So it's justifies controlling and sexist?
I’m so fascinated and curious how one day these guys were drooling over one and now moving on to the next.
Sorry bro, but are you really any different?
incredibly gorgeous girl, turns heads attractive they’re pretty but not even close as attractive as the first coworker
You're demonstrating the same characteristics, but being more subtle about it.
Anyways.
Yeah, it sucks.
People will play “Mr. Nice Guy”, until they realize its a lost cause. Its an act and ingenuine.
Think about Heidi. Probably gone her entire life with people advancing on her… And being in a workplace, sometimes you just want to keep your head down and get a paycheque.
She is accustomed to this.
And likely developed a skillset to shut down things quickly and keep the workplace professional. Resulting in men making a try for her, and then giving up (lost cause).
It also wouldn't be a surprise if she felt compelled to act cold to others, just to deter them from advancing on her.
She sounds like a woman who can take care of herself.
Not sure what advice you're looking for here?
This, just makes no sense to me here:
ignoring attractive quiet girl (25F) in favor of younger outgoing coworkers (24F) (23F) and expressing favoritism.
Why does any of this shit really matter? Go to work. Do your job. This isn't high school.
She is eewwwww.
I would say that although I can’t come to the company party I would like to come to the after party and hotel. Make it a romantic night.
I’ve seen the no partners thing at startups. I don’t fully understand it, but it doesn’t seem inherently unusual to me. May be an industry by industry thing.
Leave him.
I agree with ya. But what are the odds of all 30 or 50 peeps are into camping/ know camping
Honey…. I've been in your shoes. He is sadly not worth your time, and since you said that this is the first time you've even confided in him, imagine the first time you all ever had a fight and had to work things out? Something that was more personal to him and directly related to him? He's doing you a favor, and I know it doesn't feel like that but he is not emotionally available for you. Your feelings are important, and he can't even handle this? That's on him, not on you. It's not your fault. Like I said I've been in a relationship just like that (I was 21 and he was 28) and sadly I feel like he was just preying on you as someone he felt like he could manipulate and use for sex and/or for some good times and now that it's gotten a little bit more intimate emotions wise he doesn't feel like dealing with it. He's a man child, just like the man child I dated. He doesn't deserve you and your sweetness.
10 years is a long time to date someone man, but I hope you gather the strength to cut her out of your life for good because this isn't representative of someone who loves you
You need to leave him before it gets physical. It will only get worse.
See that’s where you’re wrong – you’re not married therefore his money is not yours yet. Your argument makes more sense after marriage when you are legally bound to this person. He should be contributing to his half of rent for sure, but the rest of his money is his to spend right now.
It is difficult to speculate what's going on inside of him. He might want to distance from you because he scared of the fact that his feelings to you have evolved. And he tries to cool down those feelings. Maybe. Or not. Who knows, right? The damage is done, and the best thing you can do, is to mitigate the damage. I still think you shoud act normal with him. Just be yourself, be what you were. And he will heal up eventually. That's your best chance to keep your friendship. This is not guarantee at this point, but you still can do your best.
You’ve already asked her nicely to stop. You get an eyeroll response and are being treated as though you were in the wrong. Time to find a new friend. Set her free. You deserve better friends.