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If you feel this way:
Is it something I should talk to my bf about? I can see it eventually becoming an issue in our relationship, I just don't know when it will be.
Then absolutely. Why wait for a ticking time bomb to go off when you know it will happen?
I am introvert myself, so stuff like this:
We plan these meals for the 2 of us, and then always last minute he tells me it'll be the whole family joining
Needs to be ironed out.
Spontaneous things happen, you need to deal with that. Although, if it is always the spontaneous, that throws introverts for a loop. If you two are going to work, he needs to be capable of understanding and handling that side of you, compromises need to happen. That would be understanding and accepting your partner on a deeper level.
For example (I relate to a degree): My gf gets together with her family on a weekly basis. I spend more time with her family, than I do my own. When you add a FT job, hobbies, my own commitments, a reletionship into the mix, that is a lot already. She would love for me to be at every function, but I simply cannot juggle it without it affecting me, I need what I can handle. I do try and step up on most occasions, but she knows that I can't attend everything… and she accepts/respects that about me. The ability to compromise is what makes us functional.
You need to execute that here. You cannot always be overextending yourself where you're being burnt out regularly. You need to have it done your way on occasion, that's compromise.
Not sure what to do about the whole cooking dinner thing. Personally think, if anyone is to cook dinner for the whole family, that should be your BF as it's his family.
Optimal way to fix this is to have your independence from his family. Can you two hang out at your place?
I get this too:
I just want to get to know my bf more as we've only been dating a couple months and having to do that while in front of his family is nerve wracking.
You two need some privacy. He might not need it.. but for yourself to function in a reletionship, you need the privacy.
Anyways, you two are still fresh to each-other. This would be a good time to add some depth by communicating what's bothering you. You cannot ignore the little things. If you can't work something out and only have conflicts as a result, then this reletionship won't work.
Don't think of it as lossing independence, but a healthier living place for you and the kids.
You and the kids deserve better!
OP, I'm so so sorry that you had to experience trauma like you did.
I know that feeling of everone knowing except me about a huge betrayal that would affect my life. How I was around them all happy and involved with them while they all knew this horrible secret.
It was the biggest punch in the gut when I found out the truth. Most of those relationships will never recover while some of them will only get the minimum cold hello and goodbye from me when I have to be around them.