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Ah ok. Still not an excuse to mistreat you. You’ll find someone that will meet you where you are.
I should also add that I think her being very stressed from other commitments in life likely played a large role in the end of our relationship. She was very busy towards the end and didn't have much time for quality time together and when she did she was normally stressed.
Sometimes we are afraid we will not longer be found atractive by our partners if we would be vulnerable in front of them. It happened to many men their partners left, or their partner got repulsed by them even crying. To me aswell. That might be the case.
Take a couple of days away from him. Give him consequence for his actions. Sometimes as a wife, you can’t let your spouse walk over you. He has to remember that in marriage, he has to walk beside you as an equal and not in front of you as a master. Ghost for a week or two, online with a parent, a friend, until he buckled up and realizes how badly he’s fucking up.
Alot of people in this thread may call you “insecure” and for you to seek “therapy”. Its just a part of your preferences, values, and virtues. Personally, i would break it off since having a hookup/ex within my partner’s social circle is a dealbreaker for me; but if it isn’t a dealbreaker for you, its fine. So many people are quick to shove their ideologies down your throat, you can take note of them, but dont let it make you believe that your own values are wrong before you had a chance to understand why you should change your mindset.
As for a way to stop obsessing over those hookups.. im ngl… its very hot if you truly want to keep this relationship. The easiest way is to see how simple and overrated love is after going through a relationship. You realize how easy it is for you to fall in love and how love isnt the main thing you need in a life partner let alone in a relationship. You can find love with anyone you deem to be suitable life partner to you; matter in fact, the strongest feeling of love will be towards a partner with whom you find the most compatible with.
If you are think that she is a compatible partner and that this is the main hiccup in your relationship, then you need to focus more on yourself. Even though she is compatible for you, you dont need her. You should be comfortable to do things with friends or by yourself and not need a partner. If you have best friends, they are probably more compatible with you than your own girlfriend. You dont need her, you want her.
I want you to really evaluate your relationship. Why do you love her? Is there a strong possibility that you are just infatuated with her? Does she match or complement your vibes/personality? What are some pros and cons of being with her (i.e. she likes the same food as you, she is selfish,…)?
It is possible that you may be turning a blind eye to her not being truly compatible to you, and her past is just being amplified after the many blind eyes you have given her.
P.S. she may not have the same values as you if you think that it isnt right for people to still be friends with people they messed around with.
Alot of people in this thread may call you “insecure” and for you to seek “therapy”. Its just a part of your preferences, values, and virtues. Personally, i would break it off since having a hookup/ex within my partner’s social circle is a dealbreaker for me; but if it isn’t a dealbreaker for you, its fine. So many people are quick to shove their ideologies down your throat, you can take note of them, but dont let it make you believe that your own values are wrong before you had a chance to understand why you should change your mindset.
As for a way to stop obsessing over those hookups.. im ngl… its hot if you truly want to keep this relationship. The easiest way is to see how simple and overrated love is after going through a relationship. You realize how easy it is for you to fall in love and how love isnt the main thing you need in a life partner let alone in a relationship. You can find love with anyone you deem to be suitable life partner to you; matter in fact, the strongest feeling of love will be towards a partner with whom you find the most compatible with.
If you are think that she is a compatible partner and that this is the main hiccup in your relationship, then you need to focus more on yourself. Even though she is compatible for you, you dont need her. You should be comfortable to do things with friends or by yourself and not need a partner. If you have best friends, they are probably more compatible with you than your own girlfriend. You dont need her, you want her.
I want you to really evaluate your relationship. Why do you love her? Is there a strong possibility that you are just infatuated with her? Does she match or complement your vibes/personality? What are some pros and cons of being with her (i.e. she likes the same food as you, she is selfish,…)?
It is possible that you may be turning a blind eye to her not being truly compatible to you, and her past is just being amplified after the many blind eyes you have given her.
P.S. she may not have the same values as you if you think that it isnt right for people to still be friends with people they messed around with.
Help what? She's a shitty toxic leech. The answer is really obvious. Lose her.
thank you. this reminded me to hang onto the good things!
This makes your husband even worse than you original post.
I have had that exact ‘light switch’ moment with husband after he deeply hurt me. I just felt like the part of my brain that cared tremendously about him turned off. I have tried to turn it back on for awhile now. Nothing has flipped the light switch back.
Not wanting you SO to stay connected to an ex isn't controlling. It's a boundary that is reasonable for a lot of people. And now you know why.