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Liv and Drew, 29 y.o.
Location: Dreamland
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Thank you Sean!! She is an extremely mature and very intelligent young lady. I fell like I should try to direct her in the right direction. She will well in what ever she choose to do in life
Are you a drama queen? I know several people who would love to be friends with this guy so they could regale everyone with your story.
If you're not a drama queen, what are you doing?
That’s what she said. we’re gonna laugh about it. what’s to laugh about being lied to?
This is the way
Is she unemployed because you both decided this or because she is looking for work?
Obviously, you two are not in a good place right now. You are unhappy and it doesn't sound like she is very happy, either. It's not clear to me whether she is unhappy because she is unemployed and unfulfilled or if she is depressed and therefore unemployed or something else.
You mention, for instance, that you get home exhausted and she wants to talk and you just want to rest. It makes sense that she would want to talk to you after not seeing you all day. Especially if she is not working, she might not have a lot of interaction during the day. But it sounds like you don't enjoy this conversation, so that is a problem. Did you use to enjoy talking with your wife? That is, is this a recent problem as you became dissatisfied with your living situation? Or have you always been mismatched regarding introversion/extraversion? Would it be possible to ask her if you could get a little time to yourself after you get home for the day to relax and quietly do something like watch tv together or read before you talk?
Is working or volunteering something that is possible for her so she can get out of the house and have other people to talk to during the day? You seem a bit resentful that she does not contribute to the rent, even though you haven't asked her to pay anything. Have you two discussed this or made a plan together?
One thing that you can discuss with her is about your different expectations about cleanliness and housework. It seems that she is better at seeing messes and stains than you are. Perhaps she has a lot of experience in this area – a lot more than you. Being a grown up does mean that you are able to clean up after yourself. It's not clear to me whether she is annoyed because you leave little messes behind all the time and not clean up after yourself, or if she expects that you clean up after the both of you. Either way, her input would be a lot more effective if she treated you like an adult rather than a child she is scolding.
Regardless of how you two divide up the work that needs to be done, you two need to work on how you speak to each other. Because right now, it sounds like you two are getting in a place where you resent each other's very existence. And if that is the case, you will never work things out. Personally, I don't think it is unreasonable for her to expect that you do dishes after dinner, make the bed in the morning and clean up after your own messes during the week. Even if you work, she is not your servant and she should not be made to feel that way. I also think that she should probably give you some grace about how well you do clean up after yourself, that there is a learning curve, and the fact that you do need some time to rest. Neither of you will be perfect in life or every day. You just need a better way to be with one another and give yourself and each other a bit of grace and comfort when you don't live! up to expectations.
Is she unemployed because you both decided this or because she is looking for work?
Obviously, you two are not in a good place right now. You are unhappy and it doesn't sound like she is very happy, either. It's not clear to me whether she is unhappy because she is unemployed and unfulfilled or if she is depressed and therefore unemployed or something else.
You mention, for instance, that you get home exhausted and she wants to talk and you just want to rest. It makes sense that she would want to talk to you after not seeing you all day. Especially if she is not working, she might not have a lot of interaction during the day. But it sounds like you don't enjoy this conversation, so that is a problem. Did you use to enjoy talking with your wife? That is, is this a recent problem as you became dissatisfied with your living situation? Or have you always been mismatched regarding introversion/extraversion? Would it be possible to ask her if you could get a little time to yourself after you get home for the day to relax and quietly do something like watch tv together or read before you talk?
Is working or volunteering something that is possible for her so she can get out of the house and have other people to talk to during the day? You seem a bit resentful that she does not contribute to the rent, even though you haven't asked her to pay anything. Have you two discussed this or made a plan together?
One thing that you can discuss with her is about your different expectations about cleanliness and housework. It seems that she is better at seeing messes and stains than you are. Perhaps she has a lot of experience in this area – a lot more than you. Being a grown up does mean that you are able to clean up after yourself. It's not clear to me whether she is annoyed because you leave little messes behind all the time and not clean up after yourself, or if she expects that you clean up after the both of you. Either way, her input would be a lot more effective if she treated you like an adult rather than a child she is scolding.
Regardless of how you two divide up the work that needs to be done, you two need to work on how you speak to each other. Because right now, it sounds like you two are getting in a place where you resent each other's very existence. And if that is the case, you will never work things out. Personally, I don't think it is unreasonable for her to expect that you do dishes after dinner, make the bed in the morning and clean up after your own messes during the week. Even if you work, she is not your servant and she should not be made to feel that way. I also think that she should probably give you some grace about how well you do clean up after yourself, that there is a learning curve, and the fact that you do need some time to rest. Neither of you will be perfect in life or every day. You just need a better way to be with one another and give yourself and each other a bit of grace and comfort when you don't live up to expectations.
Dude cut that ho off! If she doesn’t stop after you block her cheating ass off then blow up her life and tell her husband.
So she asked her sister to get tested right?
Justifiably so! Unless she has specified she just isn't ready to mesh lives, there isn't an excuse. Her reasoning that it would make her friends uncomfortable is a cop out. You aren't garbage, the fact that you are seeking others' opinions shows that you care a great deal. Good women like men that care.
I have never questioned my value or whether or not I'm loved with my boyfriend. There's a lot of truth to the saying, “If they love you, you will know.”
Keep your chin up, there are many women that would appreciate spending time together & wouldn't want you to doubt where you stand.
ehhhh the weirdest part honestly is that she told you abt it, i think lmao. like if she’s truly planning on keeping things professional, considering that your living space should be free of any expectations and a place to unwind from the social world, then she would have kept her crush to herself? idk to me it seems like a very lowkey way of her testing the waters and gaging if you’d be interested in something, and if you were to say yes, then maybe she’d take that as an ‘eventual yes’. all that matters is what you’re comfortable with tho i guess
Her getting banged by her ex will destroy her hole
Thanks for this because I couldn’t read it either with every word capitalized. Love isn’t the most important thing in a relationship because love is fluid. It is supposed to grow the longer you are together, but it also fades quickly and turns into resentment. You feel abused, she feels trapped. And there is a child in the mix. Obviously don’t get married. If she wants to get married and you don’t, it won’t do either of you any good to get married. As you said, you know you will just be divorced. Maybe therapy will help you both, but you need to be on the same page or separate. It is never a good idea to stay together for children because they are aware of the tension and it causes life long harm. Have that naked talk and make your plans accordingly.
He already knows this. I’ve told him this. My love language is quality time, but I also want someone who will match my energy in gifts. And I agree, why ask me what I want for Christmas if he’s just gonna get me something I don’t want or that wasn’t on my list!
Jerk off and stop being so freaking selfish.
You need to lay it out clearly. Her behaviour and lack of support is unacceptable. That you are re-considering your marriage unless she makes an effort to change and therapy (together and maybe single for her) is needed to help get to the root of her feelings. Did you have plans for a kid(S) together when you married?
Why would you want to be with a racist?
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Thank you for saying that. I think I am unconsciously racist in some sort of way. He got invited through a Facebook group. I just don’t like the way he’s saying “oh it took me years to get invited” like something he earned and he just slapped on my face.
did he make her tight
I'll be so thrilled when this is no longer a joke in society.
Nope. You need to sit the new gf down and tell her that your personal property and finances are not hers to have any day over and that you and the ex have worked this stuff out already. If she wants extra furniture, SHE needs to start contributing to it.
That’s a very confronting and arrogant way to ask someone out. No wonder she was flustered. I would definitely leave her alone.
That’s a very confronting and arrogant way to ask someone out. No wonder she was flustered. I would definitely leave her alone.
Why is it your responsibility to arrange the meet up? Why should you travel to his country, or buy his ticket to visit yours? If he's worthy of being in a relationship with you, he should be doing some of the work. At the very least, buying his own ticket. You can host him once he's there, and show him around your city, treat him to meals and outings.
But aside from that – absolutely do some research about his country and the way they treat women before you go there. And also understand that he is a product of that country, that the way they treat women in general will also be the way he treats you.
Get rid of her, honestly. Cut contact now. I think the epitome of love is caregiving like this, and if she can’t see that, she never will.
I remember the first time I cleaned up after someone, they were a 30-40 yr old man who had a stroke. He couldn’t speak but looked at me with such shame and sadness. I reassured him it was our job and that it’s okay, but I couldn’t shake how unconditionally loving that act was.
I went home to my long term partner at the time and said “if I ever had a stroke, would you clean up after me?” And after a couple confused questions and silence pauses, he stared at me and said: “wouldn’t there be someone else to do that?” That’s when I knew he didn’t love me the way I thought he did. He said it would be too uncomfortable for HIM.
Nobody likes to clean up other peoples shit, piss, vomit, etc. Having been on both sides of the coin, it can be really demoralizing for the person being cleaned up, and crosses conventional bounds for the caretaker, especially as a family member. But loving someone unconditionally means wanting them to have dignity and comfort all throughout their lives, and aiding when they cannot do it themselves. You are a very loving brother for helping your sister, I’d say it’s only human nature but there are some very selfish people in the world.
I can’t see anywhere if she even asked if you were okay, is this true?
My personal experience as a outsider regarding open gay and lesbian relationships is that some form very strong fairly long lastingly group orgy relationships that function like extremly close friendships groups
or
they fall apart spectacularly, painfully, and savagely
Because favourites, better at sex, jealousy, feeling left out, actually being left out, conflicting desires about housing, children, rivalry, companion, boredom, conflict regarding drug use, lack of emotional maturity…
Unfortunately most people find that they really want to be the center of one person's whole world. And it's very naked to have that in mutil sexual open relationships especially when your young.
Just because someone dials a number doesn't mean it actually connects and starts ringing on your end. Its usually nearly instant but sometimes its not and that may have happened where it sounded on her end it was calling but hadn't started on your end creating the appearance of “what took you so long”.
Send her a text saying “goodnight. I'm going to sleep now. Love ya.” and let that be it for the night.
Yes, after he had time OP several times the apartment was staying with his ex, she went and talked to the ex about it, which was incredibly inappropriate. He told her that and then moved forward with making that property transfer official, which would end any of OP’s attempts to get her hands on it.
This is a weird setup for two people who don't know each other well. I would never want to share cooking duties because I might have different tastes and preferences from my roommate. Roommates might also just be on different schedules where it doesn't make sense to cook one dinner for both of you. It sounds like it causes a lot of hassle to be texting all the time about what's for dinner and/or what time people will be home. Sometimes people just want to get home and relax and zone out, and not have to have a huge production of making/eating dinner with their roommate.
You each should cook for yourselves and each do your own dishes. Split up the other cleaning tasks evenly.
Jesus fuck, okay, my boyfriend and I were friends for YEARS before we started dating. I had always had a bit of a crush on him and he was DEFINTELY in my damn spank bank wayy before we actually started dating. He was dating another girl at the time, I completely respected their relationship, and kept my thoughts and feelings PRIVATE until we ended up together years later. YOURE THE FUCKING WEIRD ONE LADY WHAT ISNT CLICKINGGGGGG
I know. What man says he wants his wife to thank him for paying the mortgage? But I think it is something else about the way he's feeling.
He knows what he wants more than you do and you’re wasting both of your time.
OP i think you are just going to have to call this relationship. No need to waste anymore time for either of you.
Never believe his words he is a liar!!! Tell the wife!!! With proof!!!
I didn't say all men are like that. Quite the contrary. Instead I said “such men aren't for me”, while I enjoy intellectual conversation with my husband.
You said women just aren't interested in such and don't value intelligence at all. Which is a stupid statement from the beginning.
Bruh why are you joking on here
Next time he tries it in front of the group, just tell him to stop acting like a fucking loser and ask him what his problem is point blank. Don’t try any of the stupid witty lines people ITT are giving you. Don’t pull him aside to talk. Escalate on the spot and make things tense for EVERYONE. Defend yourself man. Jesus.
No.
They mean your friends trips away. You're expecting a tit for tat in regards to invites. You invite her to something, so you then expect her to invite you to something next. That's what they're saying is a bit petty.
Forget all other times where she had or hadn't invited you to something, forget everything about her not introducing you to her friends, and just answer the one question of “do I want her to come with me?”
Let him go, in fact, insist he does. You are in your life for the long haul/future. He wants instant gratification. That's a basic incompatibility, and he just showed you his immaturity.
I'm sure parents have to support their children in the UK.
You can accomplish the same things by getting a roommate. That will also set a good example for your child.
How come the counselling hasn't helped? What have you done to try to change it other than sessions?
Are you sure your unhappiness is coming from this relationship, as opposed to the rest of your life?
I don't know, but it ended up in both us in tears and her family not liking me anymore
Why do men consistently date younger women and fail to realize that most of their relationship problems are caused by the age/maturity gap? She’s 21. That’s how teens and people in their early 20s behave. If you want someone more mature and in touch with reality, date someone your age.
5:1 odds they're divorced he moved back in with mommy.
So your husband knows your son doesn't share the same values as you anymore, so he sends your son articles he knows will upset him and start a fight.
You asked why they don't engage with you and got a detailed answer as to why, and instead of reading it and trying to be better people or make amends, you complain they are “holding grudges”.
You said something so bad you were uninvited from visiting them but somehow have no idea why (I'll bet dollars to donuts their response would jog your memory because it's probably in there).
And somehow, you still think you are a victim of some grave injustice, and that you should be entitled to meet your grandchild and your son and DIL should just put up with your bad behavior? Even reading your extremely biased take, I can tell they have very valid reasons for not seeing you. And I suspect you know all of those reasons are valid but don't want to admit it or do anything to better yourself so instead of making an effort you came to reddit to try and gain sympathy.
What do you do? You tell him he’s being ridiculous that he wanted you to keep dead flowers, which (if you kept them in water) would have started to rot and turn mouldy.
Tell him it’s not a statement about your relationship, it’s about not wanting something to rot in your home.
Ok thx I think I'll try.
The really sketchy part to me was all the prep beforehand. Did you ask him about it? If so, what did he say? Did he put that much effort into his appearance for your wedding?
I mean this woman wouldn’t be the first person I’d call to pick me up from jail, but what motive would she have for not telling the truth? She’s married with a kid now, and my wife and I have moved on.
Nothing, because it's her choice.
Run!
Sure it can. It will require lots of work, lots of effort on both your parts and a whole lot of awareness and compromising between you both.
If only one of you is doing this though it's doomed to fail so you have to do this as a joint effort or not at all.