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I know that on this thread the “dump her” is way too quick to pop up even for things that are ridiculous.
But here all my spider senses are tingling with red flags.
Come on signs and stars? What's next rocks and essential oils? Don't be a doormat.
(all of that is a joke and while weird this is not a red flag, unless that is how you know she operates when meeting potential lovers. Only advice is open your eyes to clues you wouldn't probably have picked up on earlier and then investigate or confront when the number of clues gets to high to be only a coincidence)
OP could just use this without the blah blah blahs lmao but you are right, generic works just fine
I am so sorry ???
Yes work naked for a job that pays you nothing !!!! Being a student is a job! And I am getting paid nothing.
Attention without any consequences? Maybe they’re lonely and can’t get people to talk with them unless it’s about something provocative that they’ve made up? I don’t really understand it either. I have my suspicions about how much of the posting is straight fiction in some of the subs mentioned earlier. Even some of the posts in r/ antiwork every so often, too.
Now it should be his moment to decide and not hers. She already decided by flirting and kissing the guy. Kissing may be not a big deal for him but our is his decision not yours and not hers.
I won't directly say you should dump him since you didn't want me to, but I only would like you to think about the many conversations you're going to miss out of with your loved one while at the same time being gaslighted for the few you're trying to have.
Talk to him about it and look for a compromise you both can be comfortable with.
Forgiven her for what?
You make a good point that I need to either be able to go no contact or else I am not being fair to the new girl. I may not be over her fully and the new girl deserves better then that
If you want the honest truth about life… Very seldom do people end up with their first love.
We all thought our first love was going to be it for us, but they weren't. Some couples to stand the test of time and make it through, but most end up being a chapter in our lives.
The conflicting life goals are a big enough reason for you two reconsider things.
Throw these points into the mix:
Controlling behavior Friend/reletionship time imbalance Dying sex life I feel like a doll on strings (stuck in routine)
The thing is… you're at a point where you're practically faking it in your reletionship.
You don't need to worry about what everyone else will think, you're right on this:
Everyone tells me how perfect we have it, but they don’t see us behind closed doors. I’m just not happy anymore.
22 is an interesting age. Its the end of one age, and the beginning of another. It really is an age that you develop a lot at. Its coming to grips with your adulthood.
And look… I tell this to everyone. If you cannot firmly plant both of your feet in your reletionship, and be 100% that its what you want. Maybe that is not the place for you to be.
You seem to have an overwhelming desire to explore a brand new life. It's a scary step (letting go)… but it might be one you need long term.
Nah I honestly found the adoration annoying. I mostly just miss the mundane stuff… shooting the shit, inside jokes, etc. Normal friend stuff.
It doesn’t need to be for humanity and you have to also put their needs above yours. It’s a mix of needs but not purely your own.
They do have to be wanted. Would be a terrible place otherwise.
It’s good you are okay with not wanting something you can’t have. Would be much harder for you otherwise. It’s good you found your way.
You are in a relationship where you have to tiptoe around the feelings of someone who expects you to “power through” and override yours.
First of all, you have to think that you have a right to have the emotions that you do: you also have the right to consideration-and consultation. A lot is spoken about “gaslighting”, yet it’s very rare that this is mentioned in the context of a male victim. I think that society sees it as unmanly to be a victim of such a thing.
I know that a lot of people will say it’s a wild overreaction to say that the lead-up to getting the wrong kind of birthday present is something as potentially serious as gaslighting, and to an extent it’s true. At the extreme end, this behaviour is truly dreadful, and can result in the victim having their life stripped away. Hardly on the same level as an inappropriate gift!
Yet one aspect of gaslighting is when a person’s emotions and desires are completely negated-whilst they are made to feel that nothing like this is actually happening (it’s all in the victim’s head), and (simultaneously) it’s the victim’s fault for having those feelings in the first place!
In your case, you have all of this, and then you are supposed to be hoodwinked into believing that this gift was “generous”, and you shouldn’t be “ungrateful” for it. I suspect that you are far too intelligent to really believe that you are the intended recipient of the gift. And that’s the unique fingerprint of gaslighting. It’s not about persuading a person they are wrong: it nearly always occurs where that’s blatantly impossible. It’s about undermining the victim’s belief in their own judgment.
You have a right to want what you want. To dislike things. To be consulted when expensive items are paid for out of your household finances. But most of all, you have a right to be listened to. And your judgment has a right to be considered equally with your partner.
None of this actually makes your partner an abuser. To use (in a minor way) a tool that an abuser would use doesn’t make you that (any more than my using my Dad’s spade makes me a great gardener). Nevertheless, it’s unhealthy, and you really should root it out.
Tell your partner that you have had some expensive gifts lately that are not what you wanted. Tell her that, more than anything, you would like to be listened to. You love her very much, but appreciating that she is different from you is a very important quality. She should stop asking other people to “power through” their emotions. Instead, she would grow as a person if she listened to those emotions. And your relationship with get to a new level of intimacy.
Is this “small” thing worth all the trouble? Yes. Because gaslighting is very insidious, and can start to pop up everywhere in your relationship. Don’t wait until it wraps its tendrils around something extremely important: root it out now.
Your an adult only in the legal sense at 19/20 your still very much a child. Age difference aside your still incredibly young and he only sees your looks that likely won’t change. Have you spoken about the future, marriage kids because?
Yep… he told me that it feels like I’m older than I actually am… and that ”I’m so much fun to talk to”…
this is rape. His brother raped you and essentially “pimped” you out to him like a toy because he felt sorry for his brother.
Like seriously both need to be charged…
Well in this case, not voting. He’s been very anti voting anything from the beginning cause he doesn’t have the time (or doesn’t care to) do his research. That’s why when he originally said he voted for Trump I was like “okay so he did that to pls someone” cause he literally hasn’t voted since and there’s been local elections that I’ve participated in. I rly did he was worth it, but after he lied to me about losing his job for days. I think he’s just lost my trust
50’s crisis. Can happen when you get older and closer to retirement.
Does he show more sign of depression?
My niece feels like all the positive things her mom says about her are only said because her mom has to say them… she is 4 year old little girl and already has this understanding of the world. My husband also feels like the good things I say about him are said because I have to. Moms and partners are often discounted because we feel like they “have to” say nice things even if they’re white lies.
It’s not personal, it has nothing to do with you or her not respecting your opinion. Take a breath.
It is worth a discussion afterwards. Let her know that you feel hurt that she dismisses your opinion. Remind her that you aren’t obligated to love her, you choose to. Then listen to her with patience and compassion.
Not feeling it anymore is a perfectly good reason to end a relationship. Are your reasons valid to not feel it anymore? Sure.
Should you end it? Talk to him about it, let him know