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Don’t beg someone for the basics. You deserve better than this, but you’ve set the standard on the floor and he’s still digging a hole to avoid it.
Thank you for your comment. It made me look at this situation from a different angle.
I cannot agree with you on what actual choices I have, but I totally agree that I can't actually have both, and I have to decide what I want. And only then to decide how can I achieve my goals. And that's really obvious, but I also agree, that talking to my wife is just inevitable in any case.
Speaking about choices:
There is no choice of leaving everything as it is and build a 'friendship' with this new girl. You are totally right about putting 'friendship' into quotes. That will be just building a romantic relationship while pretending it to be a friendship. And that's what I was doing for some relatively short time, and found myself in an unbearable situation. I'm not that stupid to believe in such a lie to myself. I can try to have a romantic relationship with this girl, admit it to myself and to her, and just lie to my wife. Cheat. Not that I actually was considering such an option, but I know people do such things and I thought about it enough to understand that that's just not sustainable. The best outcome here would be to quickly discover that we are incompatible and stop, otherwise, that will lead to a lot of frustration on each side and no happiness for anybody. I can decide to leave my wife. And after that try to build something with this new girl. Here I have to separate these two things from each other. If I want to leave my wife, that should not be tied to me having a relationship with somebody else. There are a lot of arguments against this, but there is at least one, that makes this choice impossible for me: I'm not going to ruin my relationship with my daughter at this point. If she were older, then it would be different, but not now. So at this point, I have to stay with my wife, and I have to opt out of anything romantic with this girl. That's already decided and was decided before I spoke to this girl. But here come the actual choices. Speaking about my wife: I have to try to build a better relationship with her. And I tried to do this for some time now, for more than a year at least. Not that I had any notable success. Looks like I really have to seek professional help. And that's all. There are no actual choices regarding my wife. Speaking about this girl there are some possible choices: Cut all ties with her. That would be hard. That will ruin my relationships with other people in that group, and I value them highly. We are in a foreign country and our connection with people we used to communicate with previously is broken. Leaving myself without any connection with other people will be very hot. Also, my daughter made friends with other kids in this group, and it will be very hot to explain to her. Remain distant, no communication outside the group. That's totally possible. Try to keep a good non-romantic relationship. That's the best outcome, but I'm not sure that's possible at all. I have female friends, but none of them were ever associated with romance in my mind. So, it looks like I should not try to do this, at least now.
I don’t think you’re going to get the closure you wanted, you need to just stop contacting him and move on