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Not helpful but I used to love that song
My self-professed values are that I don't care about her career and that I love her for herself. But I feel an unspoken pressure that I should care, or that I'm “supposed” to care, and should date someone closer to “my level.”
Let's rewrite this.
The narrative I have about myself is that I don't care whether you're the founder of a massively successful company or a part time dishwasher at a Taco Bell, because it's who you are as a person that matters. But in reality, that's bullshit, because I do care about what you do for your job.
Yeah, that's … about it. You're the career judging version of the person who says “I'm all about body positivity — your weight isn't something I care about”, but then actually wouldn't date anyone who isn't a size 4 or less.
HOWEVER … you're not a lost cause.
You're a kid fresh out of college, still stuck on the IMPORTANCE of college. Kind of like how when you're fresh out of high school, you may still think that there are “cool kids”, or that anyone ever gives a single shit that you were Class President.
You'll eventually figure out that what someone does for work is usually the least interesting thing about them.
Just take care of your child.
That’s the standard on this sub. You could go in every post and spend your whole day telling people they are inferring too much, and you wouldn’t be wrong. However, someone who’s been unemployed this long should raise anyones eyebrows and you completely lost credibility when you chalked it up to hating men.
Yeah but I also do it, thing is that I would do it if we were in the same room not her
She meant it, she just thought you would go along with it. I would t trust that this wouldn’t come up again in the future. If this is your boundary, then Just move on. Ex had a reason she asked and I doubt anything has changed, only now she knows you won’t along with it.
?????
OP, your fiancé did you a favor and showed you your priority in his life. Waaaaaay down the list from the one and only: BROTHER. Frankly, he’s treating the brother like his significant other and you like a blow up doll he takes out of the box when he needs it.
This incident just saved you a ton of money and heartache in the future with divorce lawyers, courtrooms, and custody battles. Can you imagine the pain for any kids that have to face the fact that daddy loves uncle more than us? You need to nope the hell out of this relationship. Find someone who will prioritize you and your needs and be present in your life together. Take your vacation with the people that truly love and care for you. You really need to think about what you want your future to look like. It won’t get better—it never does. If anything, things will get worse once you’re married.
And yet he wakes up every single morning of his life and chooses YOU over THEM.
Exactly, this is pedo behaviour… “don’t tell your mom” “do you have an issue seen me hard?” Like… pedos always will speak directly to the child’s (which don’t have a full developed brain to fully understand what’s wrong or not, also they are scared most of the time) this guy is just extremely weird and he think he is normal… the mom should move asap with her daughter to their own place and leave this dude.
Again, if that’s not what they are into, what’s your complaint???? It’s not judgmental to be attracted to a specific style. What about all the clean cut straight edge guys that want to date you? Is it fair for them to be upset that you’re not attracted to them?
Ask her if she wasn’t disabled would she be advocating for you to sleep with other women. If she would not, she is monogamous and this will destroy her, but she will pretend for your sake.
This feels like an extrapolation. Her being unable to have sex, or not wanting it, innately changes things. “If you wouldnt be okay with it in one context then you're just lying about being okay with it in another” is not a way to go about things. Lots of people open up their relationships for specific reasons, including long distance and the like. Its not doomed to make her miserable.
Yes send your bf to girls and then complain how he cheated
*Only do this if you live in a single party consent jurisdiction. Might sound paranoid but you might get yourself in trouble recording somebody in a place where both parties have to consent to recordings being taken.
Being a “bestie” or “like a brother” is an indication that she does not view you as a dating option. This rarely changes.
She messages you most of the time first and you reply, so she does like your attention. The question is, what kind of attention are you giving her? I’m guessing it’s not flirty.
But ya know, you could always be honest with how you’re feeling. That’s usually the best approach. “Hey, we’ve been chatting a lot lately and I’m finding myself really looking forward to your messages in a unique way. I’m starting to wonder about us being more than friends. I don’t know how to manage my expectations or feelings about that without knowing how feel too. So how do you feel?”
Have an adult conversation about it. You two are adults.
If she’s not open to it, you ask for a little extra space to process that for a few days and go back to friends again after.
The bathroom for example i always clean on a regular basis. It's easy, because it's 95% my stuff in there and I always put it away. But in the kitchen there is so much stuff out because he just never puts anything away even though there is enough space. He takes something out of a cupboard, uses it, and leaves it on the counter. He does not put any packaging or dishes away either. Makes it really hard for me to keep up. We talked about it a lot of times, made some rules and stuff, but he only did it for a week and then forgot about it.
Reading your posts and comments and Ik just going to reply to the specific part where you question whether you have an unhealthy relationship with dating – yes, it sounds like you do. I think if you’re able to talk with a therapist I would recommend you trying to work through this with them. It sounds like there is a level of desperation coming from you, despite the two of you wanting two different things. Your desires are not compatible, and trying to force commitment from someone who want to explore is just not going to end well in the long run.
Not really sure where being patient comes into it lol. Asking strangers for hard pics completely out of context is crass no matter how long you wait!
you know philosophy is not an exact science, right? that is why there is no Nobel for the field.
You’ll get dates, you’ll fall in love again. You don’t need him. Just make sure that you’re honest and careful with future partners (no ONS). There’s dating apps for + folks like us. You deserve better than a cheater.
And to be completely honest, dating became more fulfilling after diagnosis (scary as it was) because I wouldn’t put up with bullshit or waste time with people who I knew didn’t care about me. By the time I made the choice to disclose to any one person, I’d already seen evidence that they saw me as more than entertainment. I also had a strict policy of no sex for at least 24 hrs after disclosing, because the heat of the moment can cause a person to make uninformed choices/do something they regret.
I’m married now and very happy, so I’d say it’s worked out. And after 3+ years, I still haven’t passed anything to my husband. Your life isn’t over and you deserve to be happy. You are not your diagnosis.
I was thinking that, he might benefit from some noise cancelling headphones/ear buds as a start.
It's not up to you to decide his intentions (though I can assure you his intentions are creepy). If he were a complete moron who really had no idea, at the very least he needs a talking to by HR on appropriate behavior.
Just report the facts as they are.