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leydy_maycol , ????, 22 y.o.
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What is the benefit of letting her know? Will it improve anything? It seems like this is something you want to do in an attempt to force her to “come clean,” but if she had any interest in being forthright she would never have had an affair in the first place.
Most liars and cheaters aren’t trying to protect their partners when they lie. The lies are to protect themselves. No one wants to believe they are a destructive, selfish, inconsiderate person who fears down a life it took years to build. They want to protect their image of themselves as deserving and justified. After all, they have reasons for the affair.
If you really need the emotional closure of letting her know, then tell her in three sentences or less. But remember that you are trying to keep this civil and it may be best to hold that bit of information close to your chest, and open up about it much later, once the hurt has dulled. Maybe years from now when you are no longer emotionally invested in her and this relationship.
angry
Angry isn't good.
5 year relationship
recently got him on board for me to drink which is something he was previously not okay with (over 1 year ago). He has never drank or used substances
He has an ultimatum about weed
controlling or is this a fair compromise?
For the most part people don't change … though sometimes they might … if they want to. So yeah, generally changing people … and especially against their wishes … that's generally a no-go – or won't go well. So, you knew what you were getting into – should be no surprise … you pushed and got some compromise … and yet you're continuing to push more. Why? Do you want to break the relationship up? 'Cause that's the direction you're pushing it. You keep pushing, you might want to think long and naked about how important to you is what you're pushing for … vs. the relationship.
I think you are overthinking this a TON. That's such a honest answer. Listen back, “he loves how well you love him and that you love him”…there's your answer lol men are pretty simple and he even mentioned his flaws and despite all that you stayed is what he means.
How many ways are you going to let him break you down before you realize he's the problem and dump the loser?
You need to work with a therapist. This guy is killed your self-worth. You deserve better than this pub roach
Thank you, thank you thank you. People on here are so kind
Thank you for the insight. The comment about money was the 60k to 100k comment. Basically, the last 3 years I’ve been living off a low wage. I have an opportunity to make quite a bit more money if I go back to my old job (I originally left that job because we were long distance and she was in school), but she hasn’t really wanted to move there with me. We tried living in 3 other places that haven’t worked out.
Oh shut up.
Whenever he calls you that, do not respond to him or engage.
Sounds like incompatibility, worsened by each of yours emotional baggage.
Your boyfriend is justifying predatory behavior.
Most weekends she drinks until she throws up and is then in bed all-day the next day.
It's time to get help.
Why did you let him gaslight the therapist? It was left out what you said to counteract him gaining their sympathy. You’ve laid out here the awful things he’s said to you. Did you do the same in therapy?