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Model from: co
Languages: en,es,fr,it,pt
Birth Date: 1993-06-08
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If you don't know him, or his situation, honestly worrying about cutting all contact is more important than causing drama. She will figure it out.
Thank you, I really appreciate it and hope those months pass quick
Ok, knock it off.
Either seriously break up & set the man free or put your big girl panties on and fight for the relationship. He has proven to put you first BUT you have shown you are in incapable of doing the same. THATS FINE!!!! But stringing him along for your own person comfort is not. Make a decision now. You don’t need a month to cry about it. You’re studying to be a lawyer. Stop acting like a coward.
I’ll never understand guys who claim sex toys is a betrayal and it’s replacing them while they watch porn themselves. ??♀️
Im guilt tripped if I don’t. He said last night “I feel like I’m dying “ then said it was a joke this morning
You're getting good advice on the rest, so won't bother with that. But the gym issue has to be addressed. I would drive me up the WALL if someone said they wanted to go with me, then changed their mind and then said now you can't go either! Exercising is an invaluable way to stay healthy and decompress, the latter which you are obviously craving. Not sustainable for her to dictate your free time like that, she either gets on board and comes with you or shuts up and stays home, that's totally unfair
My partner and I gym together often, but just as equally gym separate. It's more an “I am going to the gym either way, but you're welcome to join me” sort of thing. We exercise differently, I run he lifts, so sometimes we're on alternate schedules. It's hard for us to both find the motivation to go at the same time sometimes, so we don't stress about it.
That said, we do enjoy exercising together so one thing we do is every Tuesday after work we work out together at home. We bought some basic weights (plates, dumbbells, kettle bells) and we do a basic workout routine, different every week (my partner likes creating new ones) and we smoke a little weed and turn the TV (something engaging that we both enjoy and can discuss) on while we do it. We get to exercise and bond a bit, and we both like the routine of it. Perhaps something similar could help bridge the gap between you two on this issue.
Op, it’s great that you’re communicating with her, as communication is key in any healthy relationship
But the fact that you said “she refuses to listen.” And “she got so incredibly cold anytime I tentatively brought it up” is incredibly concerning
This shows that she quite literally doesn’t respect your opinion on this enough to listen to you….
She is unilaterally deciding which sports you can and cannot play, and she doesn’t care how that makes you feel.
This isn’t just controlling behaviour, it’s a narcissistic mannerism, which means that this isn’t a one-time incident.
I’m going to keep my comment short and end it with this, Op, if she doesn’t change her behaviour, you won’t have a happy marriage with her
Rip the bandaid off. The truth will come out. You’ve changed, also he isn’t a virgin.
I have never blamed her for it, or said that she isn’t allowed to be mad at him. I have never said that she needs to have one more conversation with him before she is allowed to be mad at him.
It’s funny, I can’t help but notice that even though I have never blamed her for it or suggested that she isn’t allowed to be mad, you have still told me I am blaming her, and that I have have suggested if she has one more conversation, she is allowed to be mad. Your are coming to conclusions about what I think, presenting it as a fact, based on nothing. It’s almost like you are misunderstanding what I am saying, and trying to twist what I have said into something else, to suit your own perspective. It’s almost as though the way that you think, and the way you feel, has affected the way you have interpreted what I have been saying. That you have missed the parts of what I said that matter, and placed way too much weight on the incorrect (twisted) interpretations you have made.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that we have different ways of thinking about things, and that as a result, there has been a misunderstanding here…
You say that she “communicated on this issue repeatedly over the last six months”. I count two in the post, and it looks like they were months apart.
As someone who has ADHD, I can tell you now, a couple of comments several months apart is not going to cut it. My memory is absolute sh!t. I need to be told weekly, and have it written down in 10 different places. Even then, I’ll probably forget because remembering something can be like trying to hold sand. And if I do upset someone, they need to be blunt, and explain it. But then the guilt & shame triggers my fight or flight, and the executive function kicks in & I can’t make a decision or work out how to fix it. A to do list won’t help, it triggers anxiety. So it then becomes easier to ignore the problem, than to tackle it. Have a look at my other comments for more insight.
I agree, he screwed up & I needs to fix it. I never said he didn’t. But if he is going to fix it, there needs to be communication on both sides. And since he sucks at it, unfortunately OP is probably going to be the one who has to start it & guide him through because he clearly can’t do it himself. And she may need to keep an open mind so that he can be honest & learn from this and do better next time.