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Oh. My. God. Keep it in your parent's names, not yours. You'll inherit! With it protected, when her divorce lawyer takes your bank accounts, retirement, 401K, investments and files for alimony & generous child support, you'll at least be able to throw a used Goodwill sheet on the floor to sleep on and avoid living in your car. If she doesn't take that as well.
He's not being even a bit comprehensive. The fact that he doesn't try to comfort you says a lot about him, even more knowing you have that he horrible trauma. Talk to him about that sis, it's really important that your partner make you feel comfortable. The idea it's you should feel you can count on him in any situation with his support.
Her reaction to the question is probably quite telling and you need to decide if that's ok with your boundaries or not.
Maybe I missed something, but she said she didn't want them to split the bill. To me, with her asking him out and choosing the place, that implies she wants to pay for everything. Was there other context that points to otherwise?
What do you want to do? Cuz this is reddit and it's the place you go to when you want people to tell you to break up with your partner. Is this a one off situation or does he routinely pull this crap? If it's a one off and your relationship is otherwise good, you have a discussion and let them know that it wasn't ok and it will be the last time. If it isnt a one off situation or we have a pattern of bad behavior then you have a decision to make.
My mother was a raging controlling perfectionist who was extremely unpredictable regarding reactivity. She died over 11 years ago and I am 43F now and still trying to process my childhood, my mother’s behaviour, and my resulting behaviour because of it.
My dad who is still alive at 75 thought she was perfect and would never say a bad word about her – she used to say to him (in French) “You may be a captain in the Air Force, but I am the General in this house.” The only difference is my dad put up with it.
My partner who I am with now has really helped me open my eyes to how shitty my immediate family was to me growing up. Since we were a military family it was just the 4 of us (I have a sister 14 months younger than me) – I was always the “problem child” – only left handed one in the family (devil), “too emotional”, the “fat” one, and the gay one. I don’t speak to my dad or my sister very often and they on-line very far from me.
Just a long story to say please remove yourself and your son from this situation as it sounds like it will only get worse. Your wife doesn’t see a problem as she IS the problem.
It’s obvious what’s going on and it’s sad that OP is fighting for him in the comments