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1. She didn't say she's his client.

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2. “First of all… EVERYONE MAKES BEIMG AN ADULT AND GETTING ENGAGED LOOL SO EASY!”

   Well…I guess that’s what happens when you don’t put rigid, arbitrary outside-the-norm rules about exactly how a relationship has to go in order for it to progress to a lifelong partnership.

   The VAST majority of guys won’t even consider proposing to someone that haven’t lived with for some meaningful period of time (3 months or more). I’m guessing 80-90%.

   I am concerned that you are concerned that he hasn’t done enough research on engagement rings. Is this another area where you have some arbitrary expectation of what he needs to do in order to meet your expectation?

   The GIGANTIC risk that you’re taking on here is that you will be compatible (from a living situation standpoint) with the person you finally get engaged to. I guess the solution for that is to get engaged and plan for a long engagement, and then move in with each other and hope it doesn’t kill the relationship. But that would seem like a lot of time wasted up front where you could have gotten your answer to on compatibility much faster.

   If current BF isn’t your perfect match, and it goes south, now you’re stuck living with someone who you’ve said you want to marry. And the same is true of him…will either of you have the courage to admit the hot truth that you hate cohabitating with each other and break it off? Or will shame/the fear of looking foolish force you to stay the course?

   Let’s say one of you IS brave enough to end things if compatibility isn’t there…you’re back at square one…and just starting the dating process again in your late 20s waiting for that rare kind of guy who is somehow crazy enough to propose to a woman he hasn’t yet lived with. Sometimes getting to a fast “no” is preferable to getting to a slow “maybe”.

   Can you answer these questions about your BF? At what temp does he like to keep his living space during the day and at night? Does he drink from the jug? Does he put down the toilet seat? Does he snore? Has he ever cleaned his shower/toilet? Does he leave his clothes where he takes them off, or do they go in a hamper? What does his place look like when he’s not expecting company? Does he cook with fresh ingredients, or does he prefer to eat takeout? What are his sleeping habits? Is he an early riser who makes a lot of noise while you prefer to sleep in? Do dishes pile up in the sink while you put them in the dishwasher (or wash by hand) as you finish using them? Toilet paper and paper towels: over or under? Does he need a white noise machine or the TV to fall asleep, or dead silence, or ? Does his definition or “clean” living space meet your definition of a “clean” living space. How will you guys handle arguments/disagreements when you live! together and can’t avoid an issue by going home? Do you have bad PMS that he’s never seen that he will have to deal with every month?

   If you “enjoy” living on your own…that sometimes translates into “I’ve lived with other people and find that I’d rather not have to compromise in how I online in my space when someone else lives in that space with me”.

   It’s obviously you’re right to navigate your life in the way you see is best…but my sense is that you’re trying to make you’re relationship fit some sort of “magical” narrative of what true love is. But love doesn’t often follow a rigid set of rules and timelines…and when you try to throw a lot of expectations on top of it, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment, regret, and loneliness if “your way” turns out to not be such a good approach. There’s a reason everyone here is telling you it’s better to live! with someone before taking the step of getting engaged. It’s up to you if you want to take your chances and ignore that advice.

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3. It is, but also reality for most (of my friends at least)

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4. The very fact he is shocked by your request demonstrates to me where is heart is at. His connection with her runs deeper than he is telling you and I am sure on some level you even know this. You said there were together for 7 months? Unless I misread the post, that relationship they had was much longer than that, or it was that deep, at least on one side.

   Let's say you do decide to moce forward and stay with him, that's your choice, but he absolutely should be mentally prepared for the reality that when you're married, if you ask him to cut off his ex it should not be an issue. If he cannot do that, I would really would start asking yourself some tough questions.

   My only suggestion OP is to have another conversation with him and really ask him all the tough questions about this ex, who is she really? Does the husband know about this? Would he cut her off if you asked? You both have been together 4 years, and I assume plan to be married, you have a right to know what you're committing to especially if she is going to remain in picture.

   Also just realize that if he is friends with an ex, likely he wouldn't have an issue keeping other “women” around and have a similar relationship with them. And with that said, if you're also keeping male “friends” around, don't be surprised if that also comes up in conversation.

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