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It’s not your decision to make.
This is just a piece of info you need to consider with regards to whether or not this relationship is a good fit for you.
It’s not like he invited the ex. And it’s not like is ditching you to do these plans. I think you need to get over it. You can feel how you feel but trying to regulate family get togethers isn’t going to work out well for you.
Absolutely kick her out. Let her husband take care of her. Do contact him and clear the situation. Confronting her is also necessary. I imagine if you are sufficiently confrontational and demand honesty and answers she might flee from you by herself. At this point I would ask myself whether there is something that would warrant contacting police. You know just to avoid getting implicated in something.
Do not think just about her, put yourself as priority.
Hey, I’m sorry she did this to you, Cheaters suck big donkey balls! It’s ok to mourn and feel your feelings but you also need to do a few things and you have to move kinda fast. log back into the account, take screen shots, if you depending where you live, exposing her as a cheater could result favorably for you in the divorce. Also blast her ass, she paint you out to be the bad guy, you owe her no loyalty. I know it’s hard but I wouldn’t even confront her, just expose her to her family and friends including screen shots of their messages and then tell them you were on to just walk away from a cheater and count yourself lucky you didn’t waste any more years but since she has decided to disparage your character, you feel the need to clear the air. Bro, you gonna bounce back and there are good women out there. Feel your feelings and take some time to heal but also get back out there. Online your life and invest in yourself. Best revenge is moving on and living a happy life. Love and light to you.
Commit to therapy. She's with you for a reason. Reasons you may not have a clue about. Reasons that have absolutely zero to do with your background or your money or your family or your education. Reasons that probably honestly include you posting about this- trying to be a better person. Trying to acknowledge your faults. Trying to commit to furthering your education and other opportunities.
If you don't get out of your own way, eventually this will end your relationship. She shouldn't have to convince you that you're worthy of love and support and all the good things in life. That's your job. And you're doing great so far. Acknowledging that this is your problem is a good first step.
This is something I suggest to all my friends that struggle with self worth. While you're figuring out therapy, try it:
Get a piece of paper. Sit down and write 5 things you like about yourself. Then write another 5 things that make you a good partner and a good person. Then take another piece of paper and bring it to her. Explain that you're doing a self esteem project and you want her help. Ask her to write down 5 things that she likes about you as a person. And 5 things she likes about you as a partner.
Then take both those pieces of paper and tape them somewhere. Tape them to your fridge or your bathroom mirror or put them in your glove compartment. When you're having a bad day, feeling unworthy. Read them and remember that you have good things to offer. That you're loved. That you're worthy of love. Keep them available so instead of asking for constant reassurance, or walking around miserable, you have a tangible thing that reassures you.
No, no, no. Breaking the agreements is part of her identity that she doesn't want to lose, and other poly people said he's just jealous and insecure…
I would love to know what poly people he talked to, because empathy is one of the highest priorities for any poly couple. Even in relationships with power dynamics, there still is a negotiation about what agreements people are making. She has no empathy, which means she is viewing things transactionally (which is especially obvious any time someone lies, is that they are viewing that interaction transactionally). He is being understanding, and she is using it against him (aka manipulating him). And that's why she gets so jealous and is territorial too, because she thinks he's manipulatable, and is afraid someone else is going to come along and take advantage of him the exact same way she did.