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You are best friends and want to continue having a friendship after separation? Why!? She cheated!
Stop posting this
I agree with you that we are all individuals and we all react to stress, trauma, heck even joy, very differently, and there is no question that this should be our right as sentient beings. I would then perhaps suggest that this is a clear sign of emotional compatibility, and unfortunately, selfishness.
I agree that he is likely in deep emotional distress at the loss of his child and is trying to escape from that. However, she arguably has not only emotional pain to deal with, but upcoming physical pain as well, if she already isn’t dealing with it. She won’t be able to escape any reminders of what she lost. No dinners or beachside mai tais will be able to even momentarily distract her from this horrible loss. As her partner, he should want to alleviate that. That’s the emotional compatibility part; she needs someone empathetic, he ain’t it. On top of that, she communicated that she is dreading this honestly pretty invasive and traumatic procedure, and what she needs is his presence to comfort her. He said no in a pretty dismissive way. That’s the selfish part.
I agree with OP. This isn’t someone I want to spend my future with. I see a lot of my friend’s ex husband in his behavior. When their daughter was diagnosed with cancer, he never brought her to the hospital for chemo because “it was so painful.” After she got better, thank goodness, he resented his daughter’s closeness with his wife so much, he cheated. And now he has nothing to do with either of them because – we all know this is coming – he wants to move on from painful memories.
If OP’s fiancé’s way of escaping was to drink heavily rather than go on vacation, we’d all unanimously be saying he’s selfish and to run. But there’s really no difference. They’re both escapes. One is just fancier.