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Your partner is gently trying to help you see that your mental health is seriously effecting her and that you need to look into therapy or you will drag her down further with you.
How would it be less stress for her to have you around before the baby arrives? Explain that in more detail, because this comment raised my BS flag. That’s the last thing you want to do with a woman you love and want to get back together with.
I understand how it would be less stressful for you. Explain how it would be less stressful for her, with the understanding that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you right now.
Whisper it in her ear the next time you see her
You thinking too hot. Just masturbate for fun. Try not to think about orgasm, and just think about what feels good. If you cum, you cum, if you don’t you don’t. Just try it out a few times
just not a keeper sorry ?♂️
It’s not cheating but like someone said it is making her uncomfortable maybe because it’s the gym, does your workout partner wear the skimpy workout clothes or the normal ones? Do you help her work out? Do you spot her? Why don’t you workout with your wife?
Both of us would be able to pay about 500-600 each for rent
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Honestly you gotta be way more firm with how upset this makes you, this is entirely fucking awful behaviour by your husband and he deserves to be sat down and set straight about where you stand.
I’d honestly be very suspicious of him because it is entirely possible he is projecting but really that’s something you can find out from talking to him and with how he responds to your feelings.
In b4 this exact same post is written but replaced with father in law as opposed to mother in law.
Does your wife know you are uncomfortable bathing with your kids or has it just never come up? Personally I don't think it's an issue to bathe babies and family members together, but if you have a prior history with your wife knowing that you're a bit more conservative it would have been good to give you a heads up about it. I sleep with my toddler and when we were having my second there was a chance she'd need to stay with the grandparents. Both my MIL and my partner asked if I was comfortable with my MIL sleeping with my toddler since she's used to someone in the bed with her
You actually don’t need proof. Your testimony counts as proof/evidence.
She is good at manipulation, which fits with her background, and she manipulated you through willful ommission and will continue to.
This is not the right analogy here. The husband yelled at OP and OP wants to yell back now. He didn’t yell at the TV.
I know he is dealing with a lot. I do not & have not ever disputed that but you would think that he would want my support being in hospital
Do you have ADHD? It's normal to forget about things that aren't in front of you, even people. Might be worth to check it.
How… how are you shocked that you got pregnant off unprotected sex after taking out your IUD… did they not offer to put a new one in on the same appointment? Something about this situation reeks…
Maybe you're just not funny? Is it nice to say? No. But not everyone is funny. Them joking at the expense of others is pretty lame as well.
But OP can't, of course. Open relationship = not for him!
kinda weird to ask on reddit where it’s mostly white males. just let your bf be, he’s going to find the wrong person one day and they won’t care he’s 25% black.
This needs more upvotes.
At the point a narcissist is faced with simply being wrong, on all points – this is their answer. (Was married to one for many years, and now I’m just as many years without them and all this is way too true.)
Lol so you're really just being insufferable for the sake of it
It's not always being dense. I would need pretty strong signals before I would risk anything that could be deemed inappropriate in the workplace
This is not indicative of dementia symptoms.
I feel like some details are missing…
You said you asked for his phone to check something on Instagram, he then went crazy, and asked for his phone back. When did he actually give you his phone? Also, what's your usual policy regarding electronics? Are you open phone/computer, or are you generally pretty private about them? He obviously overreacted, but depending on context, it could either be highly suspicious, or him projecting his fears that you haven't forgiven him about his past feelings for his ex.
I think you should maybe talk to him about what happened. Just bring up how his reaction was overblown and ask him what's up with that. There's a fair chance that he might incriminate himself if he's cheating on you, or conversely he might open up about some insecurities that has been eating at him.
That does sound very good. Just unsure as to what action to take instead. The anxiety tends to take over my mind and I can't think about anything else. Will definitely try to think of something to help this though, thank you. 🙂
I do not want advice on the age gap
proceeds to get advice centered on the age gap
In all seriousness – wait with combining finances. If this truly is the one for you, then doing so after marriage is soon enough. If he isn't then you will be glad you waited. If you said 'me or her' – do you think you could walk away if he does not choose you?
Okay so a state move with someone you've known for a year always reveals a lot. There is so much stress under those circumstances, and people find out if they are real partner material
Question- did he only know about the job because you were applying for it? In other words, wasn't even on his radar until you applied for it? Because, although he has the full right to apply and he didn't really steal it from you (you may not have gotten it even with the 2nd interview) there's still a real lack of empathy and support there. Being competitive with a partner is fine, if both partners are on the same level playing field.
Same with the cost of living split. You are better off moving back in with your family (alone) getting some therapy and help to get over the career anxiety and stress that an abusive workplace can cause, and saving money. I'd just tell him you can't afford the apartment & currently need to prioritize your mental health.
Text her about it the next day in a way that has her admit to filming you without consent. You'll need proof.
You are out of your God damn mind and sound so insanely entitled and immature. He's not interested in socializing with the girls in the office for some reason. Get over it. The fact that you want to report him to HR for this days so much more about you than it does him. Unless you're leaving out key details about this guy, let it go.
It is really fucking weird that you're acting as if it's a normal experience for, “outlier,” 10 year olds, honestly.
Yep. That's not a boundary, that's a rule. And a controlling, unreasonable one at that.
Sounds more like a rule than a boundary. Boundaries dictate how people interact with oneself. Rules dictate how people interact with others.
You are not gaining weight because of the oil. Unless you're eating ALL the food in the pan as well as all the oil in the pan your logic is majorly flawed. I suspect you're snacking throughout the day and blaming your GF for your lack of self control
Would you break up?
Thank you for this. I think my mindset on how to approach this has changed. If I come to the table trying to make both places home, perhaps that will help the situation. The only problem I see is that we do not have the same financial standing. The mother lives in an apartment, and I own my house. I fear she might feel inadequate as a mom compared to me because I have a whole room for the baby, and she doesn't. Do you have any thoughts on what I can do? Part of why I want to be the stay at home dad is so she can build her career and be able to afford a house.
It sounds like you've given this dude a whole lot of chances and he just ain't cutting it for you.
I mean, you've been with him for 6 years, you've done the therapy and read the books, but he just ain't getting it. And let's be real, if someone can't be there for you emotionally, then what's the point, amirite? You deserve someone who's gonna be interested in all your videos and stuff, who's gonna make you feel heard and valued.
So, my advice to you, bro, is to just cut the cord and move on. You've given him plenty of opportunities, and it's just not working out. You deserve someone who's gonna fulfill all your needs and make you feel loved. Don't waste any more time on someone who just ain't cutting it.
Just remember, bro, you're the one in control of your own happiness, and you deserve to be with someone who's gonna make you happy. Don't settle for anything less.
If that's how hard conversations with your wife usually end up, then you have more than a groping problem. You have a marital communication problem.
Dude… That should destroy your trust for a millennium, I mean wtf is her excuse?
Get her to pay you back however you have too. Get her to admit to it over texts and keep that as evidence and dump her once it’s paid back. There’s no coming back from that kind of thing in my opinion.
He ended the friendship not you
This reasoning is so dumb I’m wondering if this is a joke…that’s how ridiculous his response was
“So I’ve recently realized I’m Bisexual”
That’s how I told my husband when I recently realized it myself. You’ve been together for so long that it shouldn’t matter to her
he is an abusive husband and yes he is raping you. Its classic abusive behavior to keep the good , loving husband and father facade on the outside to get away with the manipulation and abuse in the bedroom.
It’s not disrespectful. Is there a reason why you are insecure?
Yeahhh I thought I’d be happier with a man and kids but… hey. No point moping over something that had the potential to end up like OP’s story…
Prepare for the waterworks after handing her the d-papers
IF it really has nothing to do with their behavior or appearance then its a personal issue that you need to work on yourself. Either seek counsel from family or good friends or possibly therapy.
both my mother and my grandmother went into menopause at 34 and 36 respectively. always great family history to carry with me.
It's called oral sex. So yes, it is sex.
You're young! What are the odds you marry the first girl you date?
Go out and online life! Date other people! You can settle down later. Don't move in so quick. She is barely older than you…
I understand the instinct
My love, he was very sweet and gentle with you.
i've seen more genuine “x had their last day at work today, we wish them luck” messages but i fuess you are right in that it's done
?? kids aren't stupid.
They don't need to know he fucking other people but they will see the resentment and the fact mommy is sad and daddy likes to disappear.
And think this is normal relationship vibe it is not
The only time a phone should be used in the bedroom is to play some tunes while you are getting it on. Or if you both want to watch porn or whatever.
This is next level disrespect.
Bud, I seriously doubt she was keeping things from you purposefully since she’s been incredibly forward about everything else. It may have been a slip of the mind or something. My wife and I have both had sex with PLENTY of other people before we were married, and like… that’s something we talked about. Both of us were fine with it, because that’s just how people are.
Just… shit man, talk about it. If you feel upset, state it in a healthy way, but I don’t think she’s been dishonest with you. I can’t find a reason to paint her in any sort of bad light.
although it may be a common occurrence, it’s still a choice they are making knowing they have the (safer, smarter) option to not drink. there are people that don’t drink at all if they are the DD that night and people that won’t get in the car with them if they do have even one drink. I actually do know people that do this and I wish more people would.
I feel you. It's my view that there must be some biological wiring that causes this common feeling.
There are outcomes from promiscuity that can have long-lasting impacts: pregnancy by another partner, diseases, feelings of attachment to another man or multiple men, etc. Whether it's consciously or subconsciously, I think we can be influenced by these possible impacts. It can lead us to dwell on them (rightly or wrongly).
You're not irrational, and welcome to the world of being a relationship-oriented male.
No good advice, other than – you are not alone, and it might be worth considering that the world is full of people and you've just barely started living. Don't get too attached while you are so young.
Sorry for the huge delay here, as I'm not always able to be on. Like I already discussed, you want her to completely stop drinking and doing drugs. On its own, no one can sit here and suggest that you're not entitled to want a partner who's completely sober. That's who you've become, and that's the kind of partner you need to be with to make sure you're completely free of those things.
To back up and tell you about me, first, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I tell you this so that you understand I'm not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I love love and I wish you nothing but the absolute best. Second, I'm a drinker. I'm a drinker in the sense that I can and do drink responsibly, but I enjoy it. The reason I tell you this piece though is so that you understand I'm not here with an inherent bias against alcohol just echoing what you want to hear.
In saying that, with you being someone who's given up those things and wants a relationship where that's the standard, I'm here telling you that that's exactly what you should fucking have and that you shouldn't feel bad about wanting it.
But once again, the reality is that she's not going to do that. That doesn't make her a bad person, and I feel like you're sort of trying to lean on that. She's just not right for you. She's starting psychotherapy? For what? And also, no she is not. Then let's come back again to the fact that it's been fucking four months!
She's not cutting off her friends also. You just said that's a reflection on her; sure, that's true, but that would be you making an argument to not be with her. Right? You're logically here trying to convince yourself to stay with her. This here is you arguing against it.
As for being the sole catalyst, to be honest, I'm not exactly convinced she needs to change in terms of drinking. I'm not here saying that it might not be a legitimate problem; it might very well be. The problem is that the context provided doesn't suggest that the source of all problems is the use of substances. The source is her and her alone. She has been and is making her own decisions. Alcohol and drugs haven't and aren't making her do anything.
Bottom line is you should end the relationship because she's not right for you romantically. Whether you choose to keep your friendships is ultimately up to you. If you think you can't control yourself around them, or that they're legitimately bad influences, then absolutely cut them off. At the end of the day, you matter, and you need to make life decisions based on what's best for you.
This isn't fuckery. She told you the deal. I think you're hoping for better than what she's offering. Don't make life decisions based on assumptions.
He wants you to pay half the bill so he could enjoy longer/better sex with someone else in the future, not thank you! Until you're officially married, you never share such expenses.
A mom here. If I was your mom, I would want to know and be there for you. You are going through a horrible experience and I just want to be there for you. I recently had a talk with my daughter that she should never try to protect me, I am here to protect her. As a mom, I would want to know. We know something is wrong and want to help. If you don't tell us, we cannot help you. Big hugs and love.
How does a 216 lb person at 5'1 not realize they're super overweight?
No hon, that’s residual from his abuse and your low self esteem. You have to honor yourself first and foremost. This man isn’t for you, it’s scary to be on your own at first, but it’s absolutely essential for your mental and emotional healing. Please, drop him and his family for your own sake.
well you can start by forming boundaries by not giving in to her pity parties. She's pouting bc she didnt know a song that was playing? Ok, cool. Let her sulk, you ignore it. Stop adjusting your behavior to accommodate unreasonable behaviors bc by doing so, you're just teaching her that those behaviors are working to get her sympathy and attention.