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Dude you got molested by an older woman i am so sorry that you aren't being supported by people who should have your back. This was a horrifying read and if you have an adult that can validate you like a counselor please go to them. Sexual assault is not okay. Hope you're safe from that pedophile and I hope you know that anyone treating it like it's your fault needs to be distanced from you bc this is NOT OKAY.
You need to step back and love yourself first. It's clear you have a fear of letting go holding over you, unsure if you'll find anyone else as this 'game' of love is a long, naked one to play. If you change your life to fit whoever around you, you'll never be happy with yourself even if you tell yourself you are. You're young and the world is cast, don't condemn yourself to one person while erasing your personality to 'fit' theirs
I’m sorry for laughing. That’s it, that’s all I’ve got.
You seem to believe you have a choice of staying with a woman who is awful to you, or being alone forever. That's not the case. You would definitely be happier without her because you wouldn't feel the burden of having to look after her and put up with her nonsense. You would definitely be happier on your own, working on yourself and doing whatever makes you happy. And you could be happier with someone else.
Never stay with someone because you don't want to be alone.
You don't owe her anything because she probably won't cheat- not cheating on your partner is literally the bear minimum you can bring to a relationship.
Now I’m raging coz she just doesn’t stop. What should I do
I'm a little bit crazy so probanly do don't what I would do but…. I would lean into it and play their game by your rules. My two cents:
“Oh, this is a kid they found on the street! Yeah, it's cray.” “Oh, I'm just headed out to YADAYADA BAR, do you want to come? Great people most of the time, maybe you'll find hubby # 2!!” OMG, im so sorry, I thought you told me this fact the other day, were you wrong? I don't want us to disagree so I want to make sure I'm remembering what you said properly” “oh, didn't you know? Living abroad saves you tooons on taxes! Plus you know, you know, gotta get that sunshine! It's good for the soul.” “So how's your ex doing?” “It's so sweet of you to ask about my life! Can I come in for a coffee and chat?! I've got so much to tell you!”
Ya know, that kind of thing, defuse their hostility with… friendliness? Don't dismiss it i guess, treat it like an improv show where you have to say “yes and” to whatever comes at you. I've found people get bored of trying to mk you defensive or angry. But again. I don't put up with peoples bullshit very well so, do what you feel comfortable with.
I’m sure you don’t want to be that guy. So I’d say this maybe isn’t working for you. I’m not trying to say you are a bad guy. Sometimes a dynamic and relationship makes us do things we don’t like or believe in generally and that’s when it’s time to assess it like you are doing. Behaviors are toxic but you aren’t as a person to be clear. Is there more to this relationship than these nights when you are left worrying and panicking? Like what else do you get out of this relationship for real? From this it sounds like an unhealthy situation and you’ve expressed your feelings multiple times it seems. So are you getting enough to make this worth it? I don’t see this lasting a lifetime and weathering life’s storms you know?
Honestly, something is fundamentally wrong.
I don't know a straight man alive or any I have known who would not be up for at minimum some level of intimacy with this level of enthusiasm from their partner. That's the kind of stuff men tend to dream about.
I have had friends wish and / or revel in the exact situation you describe and consider it ideal. I am not saying it's perfect for everyone, but you sound enthusiastic and involved, and most men love that.
So I wouldn't say something is up and as others have mentioned you may need to reconsider things.
You are still young, and you have options. I know it suvks to hear, but sometimes relationships ships fail. Don't let yourself lose your chance at getting what you want and being happy because of the sunk cost fallacy.
This is why a lot of people don’t like to talk about the fact that they have money early on in a relationship. However, it’s for the best this happened now. Because money and attitudes towards money are a huge issue with couples.
It seems you two have very different attitudes. It would be one thing if you were married. But you’ve barely been dating. (Not even a year.) Clearly this isn’t going to work long term. People who save and people who want to spend everything don’t last long.
I think you already know that this relationship isn’t going to last.
I know my own address, but wasn't sure about how to word it properly if that makes sense. We on-line in a small town, in a third world country and deliveries aren't that common so it's not like am always getting stuff delivered to my address but yeah, she's probably right.
Couldn't understand the 2nd point
It's tricky. Like it is absolutely true that if this point she stopped her streak and avoided contact [ostensibly soft blocking] she would absolutely create tension in the group. Remember that she is basically stuck with them until the end of the school year so likely she doesn't want to kick the boat, especially when she is correct that likely she will be hit on a bunch over time. From a pragmatic point of view I see where she is coming from.
And look, it sucks. It sucks that her friend made such a gaudy pass at her and that at only 18 she is so used to dealing with shitty men that she just rolls with it to avoid the conflict. It'd be nice if she could tell him to go eat spiders but she'd potentially be putting herself in a very bad position if she alienated them.
Man…this is naked. It’s for the best you broke up with her simply because she withheld something so absolutely devastating and it wasn’t a “one time thing” that maybe she could have shown remorse for and done the utmost to regain your trust-she continued to send photos and I don’t know how this can be seen as accidental? Not to mention the pretty brutal video you saw.
I suggest you try to go no contact with her and if you want to throw away any souvenirs from your relationship, that’s your call to make. Someday down the road, this will hurt a lot less and you’ll be able to look at those souvenirs (if you keep them) with little to no pain. You may be experiencing some depression couple with the anxiety that you have mentioned. I believe the shock of the damage that was done has resulted in some of this anxiety but a professional would be best equipped to help you through this. Speak to a therapist or a counselor or an older person who has stable views that can counsel and comfort you.
This is not an easy thing to experience. This is incredibly painful for you and only time will really dull the pain. There’s no quick fix, sadly, but I do suggest trying to redirect your mind if you find yourself ruminating and obsessing over repetitive details and what-ifs as we tend to do when things fall apart like this.
Hugs to you and wishing you the very best.