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1. OP, you should see an estate attorney on your own before scheduling an appointment for both you and your husband to attend. An experienced estate attorney can inform you of the risks of using the “standard” will template that is often pushed on married couples. If you were to pass away before your husband, you will want to make sure that your estate is split so that your biological children get their “share” immediately after your death, and that heirlooms or sentimental items are distributed to their intended recipients. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for stepparents to disinherit their deceased partner's children for their own descendants benefit; even “good” stepparents can exclude stepchildren if their relationship becomes more distant, or if they choose to get remarried. And unfavourable wills being destroyed/”going missing” after a person's death happens often enough that you will want to make sure to keep a copy somewhere your partner cannot access it: a safe deposit box in one of your children's names could be an option, or you could ask your attorney to retain a copy and make sure your children know to contact them upon your death.

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   I think another important aspect that you need to discuss with your husband is how an uneven distribution of wealth could negatively impact your children's relationships with each other after you and your partner have passed on. I am sure you both want your kids to be there to support each other after you're gone, but close family ties can come undone if someone perceives an unequal split as being a result of favouritism or undue influence by their sibling. The best way to make sure that your children (both step and bio) have each other to lean on after you have both passed on is to divide your wealth as equally among them as possible. Or, if you both agree that one child will get more than the rest, you and your husband should sit them all down NOW and explain why it is being divided that way. It is better for your children to digest that information now than for them to be blindsided by an uneven split when they're barely coping with the grief and stress of having lost a parent.

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