I absolutely agree with the part about him not recognizing the gravity of what he did. And that in itself makes me think staying with him is a bad idea. Youâre not even on the same page about whatâs going on.
Also, Iâm presuming you donât have any kids/are not married? So youâre both relatively young and this should essentially be the âeasyâ part in the grand scheme of your relationship (assuming youâre looking for a life partner/something long term). And yet, he cheated on you during this time. What happens when life actually gets naked and you run into challenges that LTR inevitably face? You were literally just away for a short time (again, in the grad scheme of things) and otherwise things were going well. Yet he betrayed you and seemingly would have gone on deceiving you seeing as you only found out by snooping. In my opinion, thatâs a dealbreaker. Personally I draw the line at cheating, but I think if you are going to stay after something like that, at the very least it would be because the person was genuinely immediately remorseful and confessed. In his case it sounds like it went on for a while and he was just going to continue being untruthful and take away your agency to make your own choices about the kind of relationship youâre in.
And while he tried to use the physical barrier to explain why he did what he did (which again, BS or concerning âlogicâ/poor judgment and inability to take accountability for his actions, which should have you reconsidering if this is someone you want to build a life with) it honestly seems likely that it would have been physical if it was not for the distance. What he did was not a whim. It was a series of choices. And this is AFTER you had expressed your discomfort about the nature of their relationship (rightfully so) and established your boundaries, which I assume he agreed to? And yetâŚHe decided not only to disregard those boundaries about speaking with her but went ahead to cheat on you with her, to the best of his ability from halfway across the world. I understand the knee jerk reaction to try to make things work with someone you love, but âloveâ is not always enough. Take a step back and look at his actions, as opposed to his words and his âexpressed remorseâ. Itâs all good and well to act regretful after youâve been caught.
Fidelity is not too big of an ask in a (monogamous) relationship. There are plenty of people willing and able to make that commitment. Donât disregard your own needs and desires. Donât lower your standards. Donât allow someone to continuously push and break your boundaries.
You forgot the YTA
I absolutely agree with the part about him not recognizing the gravity of what he did. And that in itself makes me think staying with him is a bad idea. Youâre not even on the same page about whatâs going on.
Also, Iâm presuming you donât have any kids/are not married? So youâre both relatively young and this should essentially be the âeasyâ part in the grand scheme of your relationship (assuming youâre looking for a life partner/something long term). And yet, he cheated on you during this time. What happens when life actually gets naked and you run into challenges that LTR inevitably face? You were literally just away for a short time (again, in the grad scheme of things) and otherwise things were going well. Yet he betrayed you and seemingly would have gone on deceiving you seeing as you only found out by snooping. In my opinion, thatâs a dealbreaker. Personally I draw the line at cheating, but I think if you are going to stay after something like that, at the very least it would be because the person was genuinely immediately remorseful and confessed. In his case it sounds like it went on for a while and he was just going to continue being untruthful and take away your agency to make your own choices about the kind of relationship youâre in.
And while he tried to use the physical barrier to explain why he did what he did (which again, BS or concerning âlogicâ/poor judgment and inability to take accountability for his actions, which should have you reconsidering if this is someone you want to build a life with) it honestly seems likely that it would have been physical if it was not for the distance. What he did was not a whim. It was a series of choices. And this is AFTER you had expressed your discomfort about the nature of their relationship (rightfully so) and established your boundaries, which I assume he agreed to? And yetâŚHe decided not only to disregard those boundaries about speaking with her but went ahead to cheat on you with her, to the best of his ability from halfway across the world. I understand the knee jerk reaction to try to make things work with someone you love, but âloveâ is not always enough. Take a step back and look at his actions, as opposed to his words and his âexpressed remorseâ. Itâs all good and well to act regretful after youâve been caught.
Fidelity is not too big of an ask in a (monogamous) relationship. There are plenty of people willing and able to make that commitment. Donât disregard your own needs and desires. Donât lower your standards. Donât allow someone to continuously push and break your boundaries.