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Karoline and Andre, y.o.
Location: Europe
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Yeah. You can't really come back from this. He was having sex with both of you. He could have passed diseases to you. He's about to have a baby now with another lady.
Honestly how could you explain this to your friends and family that he has an infant when you've been together over a year. They're all going to know he's a scumbag. And that's assuming he finally leaves his wife for you. Which they usually don't. Plus even if he did, would you ever really trust him…ever?
I think you are doing the right thing. Block him on everything and let him sort out his crap with his baby momma.
Like everyone else is saying, I also agree you need to stand your ground. Do not set a precedent, for this relationship and for yourself in general, that you'll agree to something just to get someone to stop crying. It's not fair to the other person if you make them think the answer was yes, and it's not fair to you to put yourself into the position of having to either go back on your word or go through with things you really didn't want to that could have been avoided if you hadn't lied to get out of being uncomfortable. That being said, you need to tell her it's not going to happen. You need to allow her space to be upset, but you don't have to stick around to just take it if she's going to throw a tantrum. If she says “But you already agreed!” just reply “You're right, I did. I did it to stop you from being sad and I shouldn't have because I didn't want to get it and I still don't. I'm sorry.” But if she continues or escalates the “you're ruining my birthday/you said you would do it/I won't take no for an answer”, let her know that you understand she's upset but she has your answer and she's to respect your bodily autonomy or you'll remove yourself from the room/house until she cools down. If she doesn't, leave the area. She doesn't have a right to your body and she doesn't have a right to verbally or emotionally abuse you (whether she knows she's doing it or not), so you don't have to sit there forever and take it. And do not allow her to try to weasel you into agreeing to something else in the heat of the moment to “make up for it”–give yourself time to think about it first so you can make a decision with a clear head.
you don’t need to tell her but also don’t lie. if she asks you should tell the truth.
Not shallow at all. Im fact, it’s commendable to know what you want instead of stringing her along further. I’m similar and take pride in accomplishing things professionally.