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Kanna, ♥(Monday to Friday Between 7:00am and 2:00pm UTC-5), 20 y.o.
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I’m in my late 30s married with kids. My husband got mad at me and refused to talk to me. Literally as I’m speaking shut his eyes and turned away. I took sometime and I told him that’s abusive and immature and if he ever did that again to me without any communication of needing time or space it will be the absolute last time he will see me. I have a history with a very abusive ex that started with getting mad at me and not talking for days and days and then I would go back like a kicked dog and emotional and mental abuse almost always leads to physical.
My case is extreme I understand but basically what I’m saying is I may be sensitive to this kind of situation, but I like to thinkthat I’ve lived almost a decade more than you have right now and what I have learned is. No matter what you did this type of communication or rather lack. There of communication is so wrong on so many levels. It’s so hurtful and I’m telling you it doesn’t get better. It doesn’t change it will probably get worse the next time he’s mad at you, and I know that this is leaps and bounds further than what you’re dealing with right now, but I just want to offer some perspective because I have been there and I would never ever ever be there again and if one of my daughters is ever in the situation, I will give them the same advice. Do not ever let your partner your equal the person who is supposed to Love you the most in this world treat you worse than they treat a stranger. You are worth more than that and you need to remember that I saw a commentof someone telling you what kind of text to send him boyfriend that I’m taking this as a break up so I can move on etc. I fully agree with that and that because I would need my own closure. I would have to send that text message but then I would move on and I urge you I urge you so full heartedly please move on you are worth more than that. This is how he deals with conflict in his relationship. What is he a freaking toddler? No honey please no.
He's never going to be on the same page as you. He actually posted on AITA complaining that you went to the appointment behind his back and he thinks his credit will be fine in a few months after he pays off the credit card. He didn't mention that he's trying to get you to pay it off however. You should divorce him so you're not stuck with his debt. You're already supporting the household on your own. You can save more money without having to carry him and pay for him.
Couple's therapy? 6 months in? Honey….
This right here has
the mere fact that you are considering staying with this toxic tool tells me you should consider therapy to understand what is going on in my mind that you feel that way.
Run, run away now and consider yourself lucky
Off topic, but Is CFS/ME even a real condition? From my understanding its just fatigue, yet the people I seen who claim to have it usually have very inactive lifestyles and use that as an excuse to be lazy. Are you eating good? Do you consistently work out? Why are you using that as an excuse to make you feel special ? It seems all mental to me.
I have ideas!
The first thing is that you should work out some kind of reasonable spousal support in your divorce. Make it generous, because your freedom is worth a lot.
Is she getting therapy or treatment? She sounds like she has a great deal of trauma. Her abuse was probably really bad if she is violently lashing out when triggered. What she needs, more than anything, is rather extensive professional help. If you are willing to pay for some of that for a few years, that would help. If you have medical benefits she should be on, you might want to consider a separation instead of a divorce for awhile.
I actually don't think you should bring it up at all. They know exactly what they are doing and if you ask about it, they will gaslight you and tell you that you're imagining it, are 'too sensitive' or some other bullshit.
Look at it this way, the last thing you want is to let people like this be close to you. So by showing you this side of them, they fired warning shots and raised the red flag and now you know to steer clear of them as much as possible. Do not buy into their bullshit. By that I mean, recognize that there is something amiss within them that is making them behave this way and they enjoy attempting to hurt you or bring you down so don't give them the satisfaction.
Be polite and cheery but do not start conversations or attempt to unless it's absolutely necessary. Wear headphones, when you're out of your room and stay out of the apartment or in your room as much as you possibly can. If they speak to you, respond cheerily, keep the conversation as short as possible. Always be civil and cheery with them. You just need to get through until the end of this term (I assume?) or the end of your lease and then you can move on.
If they try to confront you about you not trying to be friendly with them or something (which they almost certainly will. It's kind of the MO with girls like this. Bait you and then gaslight you and if you can't be baited, claim that you're the one causing problems. When they try this: “Oh gosh, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm always polite and civil with you” “Oh, I'm just so busy with my studies and I have some other things going on, I'm sure you understand” “Hmmm, I hadn't noticed to be honest. I'm really preoccupied these days. Anyway, I better get back to it!”
I think most of the relationship advice questions that get this much attention are from trolls, thats why they are so interesting and hitting all the rage bait.