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I think that is a bit exaggarated. He is just a more messy and procrastinating person, while I am very on top of things and get satisfaction from keeping the house clean. He does want to help out, he just doesn't think of it, mainly because he sees a lot less urgency. I also don't think he realizes just how much I do when he is just in his room. So I do think a chore list could help there, and I don't think we'd be the only couple using one. Either way, I would have to learn to accept that things may be less clean and tasks will not be done immediately. When it's his turn to fold the laundry, the laundry rack with dry laundry will probably stand in the living room for like a week before it happens. But maybe I just need to learn to accept that, and not need things to be done my way (so right away).
Personally, I would ghost her.
She betrayed any friendship you had already, and showed you she has no respect for you, your feelings, or your marriage. You don't owe her a single second of your time and energy.
I'm in medical school now. I'll be honest with you, the amount of free time you have now is the most that you will have for years if you go to medical school. You may think you're busy now, but multiply that by 5 and that's medical school. Multiply it again by like 20, and that's residency. If your boyfriend can't handle it now, this relationship will not last. It will not get better. It'll only get worse for the next 7 to 10 years.
That being said… To me, it's so worth it. I spend every day working towards the dream I've had since high school. Medicine is a rough and demanding field, but it's so rewarding for those who stick it out.
I wouldn't give these experiences up for the world, and if your dream is at all similar to mine, then I hope you won't either.
This. Med school is demanding… how is he going to handle it when you have to study all hours of the day?!
You really need to give more info on her.
It's a beautiful world we live! in, but some fucked up people in it.
Thank you, I don't want to put too much pressure on them because I worry, but there again I don't want to be absent either. I will see how she feels in the next couple of days and then I'll figure it out how to help them.
honestly if you feel like a break up could make things better for you, mention that to him and see what he says. if he truly loves you he’ll reassure you and give you valid reasons as to why he wouldn’t want you to break up with him. hell also show you his true side and hopefully show you that he does love you. but if he shows you that he could careless then you staying with him is only going to do you more harm then good. relationships are good when both partners are happy, they become bad when partners get ignored and pushed off when and issue occurs. if he can’t take the time to work things out with you and communicate, as much as you love him it’s for the best to end things with him. i’m currently in a relationship and everytime i do something my gf doesn’t like she mentions it to me. do i make the same mistake again, yes… sometimes, but i try harder to make sure that doesn’t happen because i love her and don’t want to give her any reason to leave. if he loves you he will show that and when you mentions issues he’ll give you the time and effort that you need. from what i can tell it seems that he’s just pushing off your issues because he rather not deal with it. if that’s the case you should really think about if BOTH of you are in this relationship 100%. because if not, then it’s not fair for you considering you love him
Exactly, thank you. I don't understand why being so unforgiving and harsh to her is apparently justified. It's so hostile and uncalled for.
As soon as you want to.
You’re response should be “I want you to tell me when my car is gonna be home”
Being so close to everything makes it naked to see the big picture. I suppose I just need reassurance that I'm not condemning my self to eternal suffering and my daughter to the naked ship of having a single mother. I'm afraid, and don't even know where to start.
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If anyone wants to do this, I'm available to rent for cheap.
That is how I understood it too. Perhaps he said it in a funny way. My husband says funny stuff all the time and the way he says them is hilarious. So maybe the wife was genuinely innocent and thinking OP is being funny by phrasing things certain way. That is why I think it’s important saying “what I’m about to say now is serious and I’d appreciate your understanding/support”.
Thank you very much for the reply. Well I am willing to wait it out. But right now it really doesn’t feel healthy and I could not take this for another 2 years.
Sometimes I do see some potential. She has her lovely moments but it isn’t near a much compared to the mean moments.
And it isn’t that she doesn’t love me. She absolutely does, she tells me regularly. Her previous relationships were very lacking in affection and attention. And now with me she gets showered in love and affection. So she really doesn’t want me to leave her.
But I’ve told her that my own mental health and such goes before her. I can’t jeopardize my own health, I will fall into suicidal thoughts. But that’s a whole different story.
So yea, I’ve told her that I have limits. But I’m willing to fight for us. But if she doesn’t fight with me I will lose.
Your boyfriend is trying not to get in the same fight OP is in
Man, Op, why hasn’t your sister gone to therapy to resolve this issue of being a serial cheater?
Cheating is the symptom of something much large going on that the cheater is afraid to deal with and rather work on this in therapy, they keep cheating.
Mostly had to do with self sabotaging behavior and poor self esteem issues dating back to childhood.
Op, your sister needs some serious therapy!
Personally, I couldn’t do it. What if y’all get married? Imagine the wedding. One of them giving a best mans speech in front of your grandparents? Yikes.
Also, I'm so sorry you were abused. No one deserves that! And you're right. It takes women on average 7 times to leave for good. I don't know the stats on men but I think probably around the same, since there's even lesser support in our culture. I'm a dating abuse prevention advocate. I see it more and more but I still think it's majorly underreported.
Ah well, just remind her to be honest then. Ask her direct questions and expect direct answers.
You know she lies so take everything with a grain of salt and enjoy it while it lasts. I hope you're protecting your assets
Me too
the multiple silly attempts to explain it away and blame shifting even after our guy was negative pretty much give the answer to how she got it.
Go where your support system is.
You have clearly worked naked to try to make this work and maybe it feels like a backward step giving up, but in this case he doesn't want you around him and you will only be hurting yourself if you keep denying that it is over.
Their spouse always gets more action than they do too! Lol!
I thought that was a nice touch personally but hey I am a graduate of Petty Crocker Baking School sooo I mean.
I think it's just because we've always done our finances with equally splitting rent, and then having imbalance by having me pay most of the bills, and more of other living expenses (eating out + groceries etc). We've never done an exact ratio split kind of thing, but it probably works out to about 60/40 overall.
I basically feel like what I'm proposing (splitting rent + travel) maintains this status quo.
If having to share a space with children for a few hours upsets you this much you need help from a mental health professional. Children are people and a part of society. This wedding is zero percent about you and your hangups.
I've just read and nearly commented on your partners post
You both must have been posting to Reddit sat beside each other although you both came from your own angles
I was going to say, and now will
Looks like your choice to move to the better job ended this relationship already, I think you’re both fighting over things that soon won't be an issue.
You can't play happy families and share costs when you are 2 hours apart, it's that simple
Glitter in eyeshadow is typically Micah not plastic.
Glad to hear you got rid of that trash. He sounds like a migraine.
The key is being confident, you can tell her you like her and not be ashamed of it even if she says no. If she says no, you say ok and treat her like you would any other friend. But tell her. There’s a great quote by Roosevelt called the man in the arena you should read. Be in the arena, and accept no if that’s her answer, and she will respect you for that.
She’s also recently out of a relationship and may be wanting to be in anything but another one right now. So you could say, hey I know this might be too soon and this doesn’t need to change anything between us, but for 4 years I’ve wanted to tell you how beautiful I think you are and how lucky I’ve always thought that guy was to be with you. I hope you’re ok, if you need anything I’m here. And just let that sit with her for a few days. If she is distant then act normal, she honestly may come around when she’s ready if she wants to or if she doesn’t you won’t have ruined a friendship, but she might also start flirting with you. And if she does that, then ask her out!
That’s my thinking too. Some of the greatest men have better relationships with women.
That was a massive risk that happened to work out for you. That doesn't mean you should encourage others to do so when it is far, far more likely to end in disaster.
Please don't be hurt. Your man is a misogynist. He is threatened by a strong woman. I'm sure if you two got married and you were more successful and made more money than him he would make you feel guilty and convince you to throwaway your success to be held hostage by him. I'd really re-think this whole relationship. Find someone on your level or higher than you that can appreciate the type of woman you are.
3 friends of mine used this method for birthcontrol. All 3 of them have kids now that they did not want initially. Maybe the female part of the relationship wanted kids, but they surely did not.
I don’t think you’re ready to get married either. If some guy bugging you is turning you on when you’re engaged, you’re just too young. And I wouldn’t say anything to your fiancé either it will change your relationship in a way that you won’t like. It’ll also threaten their friendship. I would just stay away from the guy. You’re gonna live! a long life and have a lot of feelings and you don’t have to. I’ve done all of them and they will pass and just move on.
You're not happy with your girlfriend and when you tried to talk to her about it, she showed you why you're unhappy. She isn't interested in taking on any responsibility for what is wrong in the relationship or offering up any solutions so end the relationship. For good this time.
She is the one who pushes my boundaries . Why is me wanting to see her often a boundary for her but its not a boundary for me if sje doesnt meet my expectstions. I always met hers she never met mine, she never compromised. We have been together 8 months and she told me she will see me more often now we barely see eaxhother , she never changed
Or, I don’t know…not having kids is also a fine option.
This shouldn't even be a question. This is the woman you want to have children with. Tell her all of this. And then take the next steps to find out if you can be cured, and if not, start looking at other options (donor, adoption).
half
Or even fairer, each pay in proportion to their earnings. Because if one earns twice as much as the other, it's not fair to go 50-50 on utility bills
I had four wisdom teeth removed and then right after got dry socket in two of them and STILL didn’t need around the clock care. I went back to work!
This can’t be real. He let his brother rape you unbeknownst to you, so he wants you to let it happen again to have his child? Holy fuck. Leave this psycho and his psycho brother and never speak to these people again. What a fucking disgusting family.
He isn't trying to date you. A 44 year old man doesn't look at a 24 year old college student and think about what a great, equal life partner you would be. He wants to have sex with you and nothing else. He will use you and discard you.
Yea that’s where he lost me because I’m O- and my husband is O+, they give you rhogam for this situation.
Is your girlfriend also your employee? Because if she is not, it’s no wonder she’s taking offense.
Exactly. If they break up and there's petty drama, sure be annoyed but it's not at that point now.
This right here. I don’t care how close of a friendship I may have with my bestie – we ain’t cuddling, that’s for sure
She told him, he just didn't like the answer.