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Right. I know I am lingering because of the emotional connect here, but this will take time I guess. Nice to see another take on this situation. Thanks for the advice.
“You need trust in me”
No. Trust is EARNED. Not just blindly handed over. You earn a partners trust by repeated actions over time that show them consistently respecting you, making you a priority, making you feel secure, safe etc. He is doing none of that.
I have had two really close male friends/FWB in the past who both got into “Serious” relationships. They behaved the exact opposite.
The first one was kind of like your boyfriend. Didn't put up any boundaries with me. Talked about how they “Should trust each other” etc. He cheated on her with me several times. (I know I'm shitty as well) He didn't respect his relationship so neither did I. I told myself stuff like “Well they clearly won't last long anyway because he's obviously not that into her etc” to justify myself hooking up with him. They have a messy on again/off again “open relationship” these days.
The second one on the other hand immediately put up boundaries with me, he told me that we could still be friends but that we had to limit our contact, only hang out sometimes in groups/public places & and that his girlfriend was always to be included in hang outs. At the time, I was a little annoyed by this and I thought that she was obviously really insecure/controlling but after my experience with the other guy I realised that he was just doing the mature right thing by his girlfriend. Two years later they are happily engaged and starting to build their family.
Your boyfriend doesn't sound mature enough to value this relationship properly but there's other men out there who will.
You checked his phone. You are the bad guy. I don't care if he was sleeping with 8 women and murdered 4 puppies. You went through his phone and messages. You broke the trust anyway so it's over to begin with.
Hello, I have been in therapy for about 6 years now. I don’t want to leave him because he used to be so good and kind to me.
People commenting how this is due to a trauma but I don’t see evidence of OP stating that’s what it is – so I’m going to say yeah, men don’t care how much they gawk or stare and then there are tons of them that do it, so assuming your gf is good looking, or at least considered so by majority of men, it gets very overwhelming to not be able to go anywhere without some f*cking creep staring at you.
Sometimes it happens so damn much to women that it’s easier to go out in scrubs, not put together, no make up, etc bc then you just blend in with the public instead of looking so good you stand out and don’t get left alone.
Call it what you want but it’s like paparazzi without the constant photo taking and replaced by whistles/shouting/comments/winks/staring/etc
Stop f*cking making women feel objectified society
I broke up with my fiancé after Christmas and he held it over my head because he spend “so much money on me” and trying to make me this awful person when he was the one actively having a heroin addiction our entire relationship and a month before Christmas went to another state to cheat on me (while also cheating on me the entire time as well)
I didn’t feel bad but I could see how shitty timing was and at the same time my life was in danger because he was physically abusive so much so I had a restraining order after the breakup since he was trying to “find me”.
Long story short is there is never a good time because they will say you broke up with me 5 days before Christmas or you broke up with me 5 days after Christmas lol
For being together for only 6 months just rip that band aid off and break it off who cares how close it is to Christmas
He's being pretty clear: he doesn't want to live with you.
Only you and he know what that means for your relationship as a whole, but you also need to dig a little into why.
It seems like you're not both on the same page. You're envisioning getting engaged, married, kids. He's not. That's the WHY you need to figure out.
This and key on the part of your age. You aren't the same person who can look after a baby full time that you were 35 yrs ago. But your daughter IS that age now. If that daughter and husband can't muster the energy, why expect the mother 35 years later to?
Yeah if that is what she is doing, which unfortunately it may be, then she's acting very, very poorly as a human being.
If he blacked out, how does he know?
You’re the only one who can decide if you can get over knowing he had sex with another woman last night.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
He’s literally showing you who he is and what he deems acceptable quality of life. You’ve set the bar on the ground and he still manages to be beneath it. He had zero intention to improve. Also stop putting your mouth and hands ANYWHERE near his body. ??
My advice seek therapy you have some serious narcissistic tendacies and will destroy your marriage. Take this with a grain of salt it's just some things you said strike me in certain ways.
Hey there, I messaged you since I'm AFIB(34), and was diagnosed at 19 with bipolar disorder, severe depression and an anxiety disorder. That was a really hot time in my life so I don't really post it publicly for the world to see, but my heart goes out to both you and her.
If you ever have questions for me, or hell… If anyone struggling with bipolar disorder has questions for me, please feel free to reach out.
Have a normal, adult conversation about marriage instead on constantly pushing it and sending hints. Nothing would push me further away than someone pushing me to do something I wasn't ready for.
I'm honestly a little worried for the boyfriend.
This woman sexually harassed him. She tried kissing him. He refused. She tried having sex with him, he refused. Rather than stop and leave him alone, she is still trying to get into his pants and form a relationship with him.
People tend to drink on vacation. What's to stop this woman from going into his room and raping him while he's drunk? If she didn't respect boundaries beforehand, why do they think she's going to respect them now? Especially since she'll likely be drinking as well?
The boyfriend needs to refuse to go unless this woman is uninvited from the trip. If the friends refuse, then he needs better friends. I mean, good friends would have stepped in and told her to cut that crap out or get cut from the friend group.
You can end a relationship for any reason or none at all.
I’m hot pressed to understand what complication of diabetes would be so debilitating that she can’t work and needs special care if she’s following doctor’s orders. ?♀️
Break up with her. You're communicating something very serious and she is dismissing it.
My first relationship involved my ex-gf's entire friend group making fun of me and I stayed. It did a number on my mental health and she didn't do enough to stop it. Looking back, I should have left a long time ago since she was an international student from the British virgin Islands wanting citizenship and I had the ability to change her entire life despite being a “loser”.
After breaking up with her she figured it out really quick that she was in the wrong and went back to her island. You need to break up with her because she is dismissing your feelings despite the abusive behavior from her best friend while doing nothing to address it.
It sucks, but you shouldn't have to defend yourself against another male friend. Trust and believe that if the same situation came up, I'd beat that guys ass. Fuck you if you think you can come up to me and talk that shit in my face with zero threat. If that situation came up for me, my SO better talk some sense into him for his own safety. This is fucking ridiculous.
I'd breakup in order to prevent myself from throwing a hook to his chin. The audacity for someone to think they can say that shit to my face without any consequences. You're a better man than me for tolerating that bullshit