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Model from: de
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Birth Date: 1992-11-17
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Even if you were to marry, would you take his (ex wife's) last name? Or would it be a deal breaker unless he changes it back first. Loads of paperwork there I assume. If you want to keep your own surname, what is the point? Could you legally change your last name without a marriage certificate if that's indeed what this is about?
But his reasons are valid to me. Your bf sounds like a mature, clear minded man who would prefer to not have his financial problems spill over to his partner. He's been married twice so he's pretty much over the whole ceremony/guests/wedding cake/costs while here you are having experienced none of that. The promise ring is a sweet gesture, it shows he cares.
You guys need to talk about this more and find alternatives. Since your credit is better than his; it may be more beneficial to your future together if you weren't tied down on paper.
No in my opinion it’s not normal but people think that it’s a normal thing.
Asking a partner about things in regards to their previous sexual history offers nothing positive in a relationship and the only thing that comes from it is negativity and it opens up insecurities in that person, even if that person doesn’t ever or hasn’t ever been or had any insecurities.
Answer me the question, what value, or what positive affect does knowing something sexually that your partner has previously done? Or how would that improve or benefit your relationship with that person? There isn’t anything and I remain to be given a valid reason for knowing such information.
When you get with a new partner and you don’t know anything about their previous sexual history or sexual experiences the same thing with not knowing their relationship history then you have a totally blank canvas to learn about they person, what they like or don’t like sexually, what is okay and what isn’t and you go through it together.
However knowing a partner’s previous sexual history or experiences and with who and what they have done with others only ever leads to that partner becoming self conscious, losing their self esteem and confidence etc because they start saying to themselves “well my girlfriend said she always climaxed with her previous partners but she doesn’t with me, what am I doing wrong? Don’t I do it right? Doesn’t she find me attractive? Don’t I turn her on?’ It always leads to those types of scenarios where the new partner ends up comparing themselves to their partners previous sexual experiences that they have been told about and they end up destroying themselves.
Just look at the OPs post for proof of what I am saying the OP is comparing the fact that he had been in a relationship with his girlfriend for a significant amount of time and he is saying that she hardly has anal with him and he is comparing it to the amount of times that his girlfriend has had anal with a guy she met on Tinder! He has mentioned Tinder specifically because he obviously feels that is hookup scenario and he is a long term boyfriend and he is thinking how come she did all that anal with him and more and she doesn’t want to with me? He also went detailed and said that he and his girlfriend always use poppers (amyl nitrite) with each other but now he has found out that she has used them with this same Tinder hookup and his own words are that he thought that was one of their firsts together that he thought was personal to them and now he is destroyed that it isn’t- another thing that he is comparing.
Whereas if he didn’t know at all about his girlfriends previous sexual history or experiences then he wouldn’t be in this situation with his mind and brain going a hundred miles an hour and he would actually be happy with how things are, so much so he wouldn’t even be thinking that he isn’t getting enough anal with her and he would be totally happy with the anal experiences he has shared with her.
The ONLY caveat to this in my opinion where it is positive to disclose your previous sexual history with a partner is if you have been subjected to sexual abuse or assault of any kind previously and as a result of the trauma you unfortunately have situations where you are triggered in certain sexual circumstances as a result of your previous assault, it’s important to let your partner know in these circumstances so you don’t harm yourself by being unnecessarily triggered and re-traumatised by something that your partner may do, even then I believe you should limit what you say to those particular triggers
She's emotionally abusive to you (his comments clear that much up) and so you became mentally, physically and sexually abusive. This is not a good relationship for either of you. If she wants someone who treats her like shit, let her find that person, don't become that person.
Usually not one of the ones to immediately go to “leave him now!” but I mean my god get away from him ASAP. Especially now that he has confessed this I would be terrified to think what he may do next. Anything is preferable to staying with such a person and/or worse.