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Jordan And Danna!!, 30 y.o.
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I’m so sorry.
For the kids discussion, you both are already not compatible. You are kid-free, where he’s not sure yet. But once you take away the option for yourself with the procedure, it could make him leave because he may still want the option. Nothing good ever comes from someone compromising regarding kids or no kids.
As for the cheating… I would have already left, despite how bad it hurts.
You deserve someone who would never put themselves into a position like the one he did. Whether he was drunk or not, he betrayed your trust big time.
I know I’m offering extreme advice, but I would cut your losses and move on so you have time to find someone who better matches with your core values and who will respect and appreciate all of you.
Maybe he dumped you because you're insecure and emotionally unstable.
So why don't you just permanently break up with him/block him/leave him alone and find someone who can give you everything you're looking for? No sense in “staying” with him hoping he's going to change.
Trust but verify. People who can cheat/have affairs etc are great at manipulating the other partner. I know many such people, and the other partner thinks they're crazy for suspecting the cheater in the first place lol
This 1000 times over.
Easy, just tell her to calm down until she does.
I think you're both right. You're absolutely not in the wrong for feeling this way, but I think communication is bad, from both sides, and you need to set some boundaries, and enforce them. For example: you say he follows you to the bathroom. That's pretty intense, and i can definitely see why that would grind your gears…so, start by saying “please don't follow me into the bathroom, i need my privacy”. If he doesn't listen, get a lock installed, and wear earbuds if you have to while you're in there! He will get the hint eventually.
He says couples counselling is the nuclear option. I feel like he may be afraid that if you two go to counselling, divorce may be on the table (some people have a strong belief that therapy will automatically blame the man and break relationships as opposed to fixing them) Have a chat with him and explore why he may feel that it doesn't bode well, and offer the alternative, say something along the lines of: “I want this for both of us, we are both struggling mentally, and i feel it would be good to see someone for both our mental wellbeing and our relationship”. If you make it seem like you're concerned about both of you, as opposed to placing the blame at his feet, he might see the light and decide that it's for the best.
….following on with the above, I think you may need to be more clear about how YOUR feeling about everything that's going on with you. I am not saying you haven't tried, but maybe if you were a bit more firm with what you want and more assertive, he might just give you the space you need.
I also think you may benefit from a support network, just for you, and maybe a hobby outside the home (even if it's just a walk around the block when you feel smothered). You mention you have some trauma of your own and you're also bipolar, but you don't mention being under any kind of treatment plan. I think getting your own therapist might be very helpful for you ❤️
Remember: you aren't wrong for having needs, and you aren't selfish for wanting those needs met, and it's okay to want space even from the people you love and those that need you ?
Good luck.
Also even if she decides to stay in the relationship and fight her emotions/disgust, it might build up resentment. It would also take years for her to “get over it” and not think about it AS MUCH.
How is watching a film with a woman in it where he may see the outline of their boobs different to him walking down the street and seeing the outline of a woman’s boobs?
Your insecurities are limiting you both.
And as a woman with big boobs they really aren’t all that. Many men do actually prefer smaller ones. I have been told that anything more than a handful is a waste.
What do you mean you can’t leave without a reason and she refuses to let you go?
Is the the relationship you signed up for? If not…that’s a reason to leave. She won’t let you go? You dont need her permission….
You're already digging lol. Acrobatics stretching
Thanks for the opinion it helps, I keep thinking I’m just being insecure but I don’t think it’s normal being trough what I’ve been
Yeah.. sounds he's the trash one of the group
Are you being serious OP? Your wife is right.
He could have said quite literally anything to not look like he has the perfect life. He could’ve said that you nag him, that you have boring sex sometimes, that you had an argument. He could’ve picked any smaller little scale. To say that he was cheating on you AND gave you and STD just to make his friends feel better? Lie. I think you posted this subconsciously knowing it was the truth and wanting people to confirm it for you or else you wouldn’t have said anything at all! Please leave him.
Yes. Undetectable means untransmissible. This is a fact.
OP has a clear stigma against HIV. Who knows how else she conveyed that?
Run away and get treated?
You married quite young, and he doesn't value you. He doesn't know how to, because he never had to learn life without someone like you. I say, give him the lesson.
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It feels like you checked out of this marriage & trying to reconcile for the sake of your child.
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That’s true, he said he would wear it in formal events but I do want him to wear it around family since we barely see them anyway
I don’t know if that matters. You are ok with it or your aren’t, if you aren’t he should do it.
It doesn’t sound like you are too bothered by him touching you, it sounds like you think partner would be, or the secrecy of it is a problem.
I very much doubt she's a sex worker.. I think if I had to guess, this would be my hypothesis:
Your ex has a sex addiction or a very high libido, possibly an unhealthy relationship with sex/dating.. Her father is maybe concerned about her behaviour.. this may be inferred by the fact he told her not to have sex with you on the second date.. he saw an opportunity to pair you up with her since he likes you and could see that his daughter's behaviour could make her vulnerable to bad actors so decided to pressure her into dating you.. when you bought the gift he may have been worried that his daughter is trying to sell herself to you (maybe due to past experiences).. she tried to compromise but realised you two were very incompatible so she started looking elsewhere
There could be something more nefarious going on in which case I'd would probably be looking to the dad to understand his motives since they're pretty vague.
But in either case I doubt this has much to do with her being a sex worker.. sex workers charge money, that's the whole point.. they certainly don't turn down gifts lol
How does wanting her to be a SAHM = bad mother? Isn’t it the opposite?
You think she’s a great mother and it really works for the family.
It could be a kink, but with kinks, the person on the receiving end MUST consent beforehand. The fact he was being very rough with you, without a conversation first, is a huge red flag.
First off, it's important to acknowledge that finding out your partner has a history in the adult industry can bring up some complex feelings and emotions, and it's okay to take some time to process it all. In terms of telling your fiancée, I think it ultimately comes down to your intentions and motivations for doing so. Are you telling her because you think it's important for her to know that you know? Or because you want to have a conversation about it? Or because you think she's keeping something from you? If it's just a matter of feeling like she should know that you know, then I don't think it's necessary to bring it up unless it becomes relevant to your relationship (e.g. if you're having a conversation about past experiences or if she brings it up herself). If she seems to be hiding it from you and you want to address that, then it might be worth bringing up in a thoughtful and respectful way. At the end of the day, it's up to you to decide what feels right for your relationship. Just make sure that your intentions come from a place of love and compassion, rather than judgment or shame.
But you can always just say “let's watch some porn” then search and find her videos and then shocked pikachu
Interesting that you’re ignoring all comments about your seemingly many affairs and attempts at cheating evidenced in your post history
This 100 times over
Dude, you can't be this naive and truly believe there's nothing going on here!