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At the same time, her best friend left his job in Chicago and moved in with us, in FL.
This is a big deal. What happened with the best friend?
26 and 20 is enough of a gap to be problematic in many cases.
He said you’re acting like a little girl because he’s an asshole.
I don't think this is the right place for what you describe. You should really talk to someone professional.
Just one thought. What your brother did was completely wrong and I'm really sorry that he hurt you but it's also really abnormal and rare behavior so it makes me wonder if he also was a victim of some kind of abuse.
No she isn’t TA one bit. She doesn’t owe him anything.
She's trickling it. First it was messages back and forth but no contact. Then it was contact and meetings and making out but nothing more. You're right on the money that they had sex and she hasn't told him yet.
The next reveal is probably that they did have sex but it was a one off, and ex wasn't a year and a half but 2 years ago.
BTW, the reason she suddenly stopped when you bought a house together? Because now SHE stands to lose financially if he finds out. She didn't stop when she was simply hurting him, she stopped when her own best interests were in jeopardy if she continued.
Maybe you tell her YOU are going to go to counseling, and do it. I think it would send the message that you are willing to put the work in to your relationship. Tell her you need to discuss things from your perspective even if she doesn’t want to do it together. If I was your wife, that would sound like things are serious.
My mom has done that consistently and constantly throughout my life so far. I would say doing this should be age dependent and situation dependent on it’s effect.
I have to remember it’s out of a place of love and wanting the best for me, so I can be kind. Honestly, I just haven’t cared for a lot of years at this point. I’ve also kept a healthy distance there when possible to a phone call a week or two.
If it’s a toxic interaction where he’s putting you down you may want to stretch it to longer than two weeks.
May need to set a relationship you can work with before you commit to NC. If you can’t I do get it.
Also, that’s impossible to do under his roof. Gtfo of there asap so you do have options.
Its sucks. But this stuff happens. You werent a good match – they might work out, they might not. Has she been a good friend to you in all other aspects of your friendship?
I'd say I'm hurt, that my feelings for him need time to fade and my feelings regarding her choice to pursue him (knowing this) mean that I need to take space from both of them. I'd say I need time and I don't know how long it will take.
At the end of the day – it was 2 months. Its unhealthy to be so latched on and so possessive of someone so early on. They were honest until 'they' felt you were being unreasonable. They made a choice. But I personally wouldn't let my temporary feelings dictate my life choices.
“Your unwelcome contacts are making me uncomfortable. If continued, it will change from innocent interactions to knowingly pushing unwelcome contact.
We are merely neighbors and nothing more. Please respect my wishes and if you need to contact me, please do so via the doorman.”
Nope to the entire last sentence. 'Merely neighbors' still implies some sort of connection/relationship that he can use later. 'But I'm just being neighborly. You even said we're neighbors.' 'Please respect my wishes' is putting him in control. She doesn't need to beg for his respect and she doesn't need to put him in the position of granting it or not granting it. That will just feed his power. 'If you need to contact me …'. Another big fat no. She is propping the door open for him by doing that. He can contact her repeatedly and then act all innocent 'but you said to contact you via the doorman if I needed to!' His definition of 'need' is not going to be the same as her definition, that's for sure. There is zero reason he would need to contact her. Zero. He doesn't know her, they have no mutual friends, the don't work together. The only possible reason he would need to contact her is for something building related in which case he should be contacting the doorman or management, not her.
UpdateMe!
You may want to be with her, but she clearly does not want to be with you. What she wants to do is show off her boyfriend to her family and friends in public, while having her boy toy (that's you) in private. She has no incentive to change, because you're giving her everything she wants from you without having to break up with her actual boyfriend. There's no good reason to explain it – she is still dating that guy, and she's stringing you along.
Think about what you want. You want M to return your feelings and date you. So far, her actions haven't shown you that's what she wants. You can't force her. Do YOU want to give her an ultimatum, and try to beg her to be with you? Is that who you want to be? Do you think you should have to give her all this time and give her an ultimatum? To a girl who is CLEARLY just using you?
Listen man. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. Not playing these games. She doesn't even deserve an ultimatum from you. I would leave both behind and start fresh. It will hurt for a while, it'll suck, but you'll thank yourself in the long run. You need to find a girl who respects you enough to actually date you publicly.
Why would it be weird and why would you care even if it were? The only people who should are the two of you and you guys seem to have had everything out in the open and are friends.
Being friends with your Ex is not unusual. It doesn't happen often, because some use being friends as an excuse to stay close and maybe rekindle something that is long dead and become frustrated and angry when it doesn't happen. If you feel that's not the two of you, then you keep doing what you're doing.
In the end all that matters is that this benefits you in some way and makes you happy. If both apply, stop caring what others think.
My fiancé has been friends with his Ex for close on 25 years now. It's a healthy friendship, both can be very honest with the other and both are in healthy and committed relationships with other people and have been for most of those 25 years and there has never been an issue. They know why they don't work and are happier just being friends and I'm cool with that. She's awesome and I really like getting to know her too and becoming her friend.
“I think I'm not ready for a relationship with such a age gape between us I have come to the conclution that we need to break up, that being said I carne about you a cherish you as a person”
This isn't embarrassing in any way really. She was extremely polite. But yes don't bring it up again, you made your interest clear, if she's interested back she'll let me know
She's probably not out to her family and you showing up would out her. Or it was all just a fantasy to her. Just block her everywhere, stop contacting her or looking at her socials so you can move on.
If you were upper middle class, you could easily have gone to a 4 star in Cuba…
I didn't say OP was bad for whatever happened. I just said “always use a condom”. You, my dude/dudette, need to relax.
You should get a test again in six weeks. Some STIs need time to show up in the test. And since he slept sround all the time :/
Eh even if the recording is technically illegal it can still be used but they can petition for it to be thrown out. So I would say still record but hold onto it and only let your lawyers know and keep copies. Let the lawyer fight and decide what ammunition to use but always give them everything you can
I have been insecure about his female friend before. However i've always seen this feelings as unreasonable and never brought them up because i felt it was unfair of me to impose my insecurity on him like that. He however, brings his insecurity up with my male friend. I understand that we can't always control our feelings but I do not share my feelings if they are unhelpful or irrational. He does not do the same. He seems to think only he has irrational feelings sometimes.
Do you have the vaguest idea of how viscerally disgusting it is to have your parent fucking a teenager the same age as you?
Add to that the horrendous things you then said, making it clear your wife was 100% your priority and your daughter was relegated to an inconvenience and a hindrance, I don't know that there's anything you could do to rebuild that relationship.
Congrats on staying sober. I hope you have a good support group. Your GF on the other hand is also an alcoholic and what do alcoholics do? They lie! All the time. You need to lay down boundaries. She either gets sober or gets out. I absolutely guarantee that if she stays as is you will relapse. Good luck
Just be honest with her
Definitely a concern. Try to get a solid postnup.
So did you have the confrontation with your wife then ?
Explain to her that it actually does bother you, then see what happens. You need to put your foot down.
If we want man to care, we should give them a chance to know at least imo. It is his child too. Your body – yes. But your and his child. He deserves to know.
Question is if you are ready for his “please no. I want this child”. Are you open to consider an option of having it with him now, or not?
Sound like you can't handle the kids either. What a mess.