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No I trust her but it’s too good to be true you know ? When we were younger she always used to do these traps.
Is it theoretically possible? Sure. But that wasn't your question. Most succesfull relationships don't have a split/get back together phase. Can I happen? Yes. Is it more likely to make a relationship healthy? No.
26 and 20 is enough of a gap to be problematic in many cases.
So what does it look like to politely decline your offer of a breakup? You said you don't online together. Does he have a key to your place? Do you go out on dates together?
You have extreme emotional regulation issues. You need help for that.
You’re kind to think of their feelings. But I agree with above commenter’s suggestion. It’s a kind rejection that won’t make you sound like a jerk.
Yah … your partner’s middle name is “Ridiculous.” Time for you to keep the cats and get a new boyfriend who’s cat friendly.
She has been consistently so much of an issue it disturbs people around her greatly as is evident by the post and OP’s post history. It’s all fine and well if you have the ability and resources to help somebody you care about, but in the end you cannot expect everybody to simply be okay with “nursing” your loved one to good mental health. Especially considering none of the actual taking care of the issue seems to happen. Letting her stay over and over and not addressing the issue and having them get the help they need is nothing but enabling the situation.
If I am feeling like consistently having to deal with a person with mental issues could affect my own mental well-being, I would also cease any contact with them further, especially on the level that OP describes. This isn’t about avoiding people who are mentally ill as much as it is about putting yourself and yourself and the people closest to you first, which you should.
Well if you know the answer… I know this is very hot and life is tough, but do you want to continue being accused of things you didn't do? What you know is comfortable and easy to find comfort but please move on from this. And don't lie about big things, please. It won't be better if you do. Good luck
She needs to go buy the biggest loudest vibrator she can find and proceed to go to town on herself FOR REAL some night this week to teach him a lesson
Why not just ask him?
True, there’s definitely no abuse of power happening when an older woman is trying to baby trap someone who’s brain is still developing
Move out when able and ask yourself… if you was the LDR partner (her “actual” boyfriend)… would you want to know your partner is cheating?
Roomie is not paying her bills, cheating on her bf and you owe… what to her?
Just send an anonymous tip to the “actual” boyfriend. Sit back. Drink some wine and watch the fireworks from a distance.
Before I say anything. As a mistress that means that this man is paying her, and possibly your, bills right?
And are you sure his wife doesn't know?
Please explain why I should be fine with not voicing my concerns about booking a train when it will likely be cancelled due to strikes which would cause me and my gf to lose money and miss out on the event?
Why should I just sit in silence and let her make a choice that affects us both knowing it’s a bad choice?
If she sleeps with you on a first date, not sure why you would be surprised she sleeps with others fairly quickly.
Ask her about her expectations for you two.
Also as your story describes, you found out she hooked up with his friend 4 days after you did her, not she hooked up 4 days after hooking up with you. Even in your worldview they are very different things.
Don't take this advice. In my own personal life, this would be grounds for a serious physical altercation lol
I would opt out of the whole relationship. Red flags ahoy!
So I take it she’s anorexic and not bulimic. Anorexics are the ones that usually starve to death. But she needs help if she gets below a certain weight her heart will stop what happened to Karen Carpenter the singer in the 80s. And you’re right as long as she is too thin, she can’t get pregnant not only that but she can’t think properly and she can’t behave properly because she doesn’t have any nutritional or energy. This is kind of severe. Have you talk to her parents I would tell her that she needs to do some thing if this is the case. But I feel like we have two little information.
Only do a vasectomy if you are 100 % sure you dont want to have children, ever. A vasectomy might be reversible is some cases, but in a lot of them, it is a permanent solution.
Exactly my thought. Like dude! She thought she was getting engaged. Someone at work probably already have her a heads up about the surprise. She was 100% disappointed that it was not engagement. She’s wondering if she wasted the last 3 years of her life. She just had a birthday.
No offense but based on your age and the fact that you've been together for a few years, IMO you likely lack the experience to make a comparison between a good vs. bad relationship.
And based on his post and replies, he sounds like an a-hole. Take that as you will.
… and you expect him not to be a misogynist?
She didn’t want to go back if you rest the OP fully.
It’s not a big deal. It’s just another day to him. It means nothing. He really doesn’t want to celebrate. I would respect that.
He just acts like I am over reacting. It was definitely borderline emotional affair. He doesn’t want to discuss it. He also acts and does shady things. I know he isn’t texting her anymore but I feel like there’s still communication there that shouldn’t be.
He doesn't want the baby. What else is she supposed to do? Stay in a foreign country with no partner or family?
Girl run. You’re young. His gambling addiction will just get worse. He’ll probably steal from you. I mean he’s going through a custody battle and I can’t help but assume his gambling addiction is part of that separation.
It’s affecting your relationship 4 months in. You’re not even out of the honeymoon phase. Ask yourself why you’re settling for below the bare minimum. And ask yourself what advice you’d give your friend if they were in this situation.
He is handing one of his larger red flags. If you keep going you will be willingly running towards a cement wall at full speed. No brakes. Run.
Him not telling you of his positive status is a Crime in the US
It really sucks that you were that awful to her that SHE MOVED COUNTRIES TO GET AWAY FROM YOU. When the actual issue is that you never bothered to research failed vasectomies and never did yearly testing to ensure you're still shooting blanks. I don't have any advice, I'm just writing to tell you that you really suck. Your poor fiance.
He's lazy and he probably knows it. Telling him subtly will give him enough ammo to just say “I didn't know what you meant” if it comes up again. Be clear about it so he can't say he just didn't get the memo.
yeah, this actually makes sense
It does kinda correlate. I’ve never thought about it in terms of a time line. But it’s definitely right around the same time
OP here's the reality: you do not need that note. There's no mechanism to obtain that note if his parents won't give it to you. There is no world where reading that note frees you from grief. Please leave his parents alone and work on processing your grief with the help of professionals.
If you had changed at all or learned a single thing you wouldn't still be with Mari, who is also trash. You deserve each other, at least. Leave your brother alone
This is definitely the right type of info. So you were a shitty partner for a long time. Narcissists don’t have the bandwidth to process the things they did wrong and feel regrets as they can only focus on how things affect them. You’re a normal person who fucked up and sometimes feels guilty for their past shitty behaviour. My advice is your just a normal human so forgive yourself. We be shitty, learn from it, try to improve and eventually get old. I think you’re fine. As for the ex, she is on her own journey. It would be great if she let it go and kept your name out of her mouth BUT at least you’ve got people in your life now who get to enjoy your improvements. She doesn’t get to decide if you’ve grown and this growth is a gift to yourself, so fuck her, respectfully!
You get what you put up with.
AKA
If you have low standards, you may find yourself with people who are shitty. If you have high standards, you won't, or at least you will eject them from your life ASAP.
Idk how many times I’ve regretted my niceness. It’s a huge gamble (with someone u don’t know) to be nice to them. It could either go good or bad. I swear there’s no in between. Sadly, the older I get, the less trusting I get so I usually try to keep to myself.
What an absurd and rude fucking question.
A bit of TMI but let’s get it, I’ll relate to you with a story. Years ago I met my now ex on tinder and it was FIREWORKS. The whole thing. Tingles. “Can’t online without you.” The works. About a year in I discover he has a toxic drinking habit and I tell him I’ll be here for him in whatever way he needs but I cannot be with someone who lies or keeps things from me.
On a side note I saw someone on Reddit say “rules are for other people, boundaries are for yourself.”
I didn’t impose any rules on him but I did set that boundary. We were pretty good but right before COVID, summer of 2019, I had picked up he might be drinking again after he had done really well in AA for three months. I didn’t say anything. Some stuff happened and my housing situation changed and I got my own apartment.
Fast forward to last May his dad dies, his drinking had been non-stop, and we were rocky because of it. A series of broken promises that he kept giving me that I knew he couldn’t keep. I broke up with him in June and the “never been better” thing applies here. I’m in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in but I still have to unlearn what being with an addict did.
SO, why point that out? My ex didn’t want to change. I couldn’t change him and never tried other than telling him what I wanted and what my plans were. I’m sure to him I’m some insane villain but he hid drinking from me our entire relationship, only choosing to be honest when I confronted him directly. It broke me when he told me he hadn’t been sober more than the 3 months he was in AA. There was a ton of clarity when he called me every name he could after he couldn’t manipulate me anymore.
I don’t know your boyfriend and won’t pretend to but dealing with addicts isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s really up to you if you want an emotional (and sometimes financial) rollercoaster relationship. Forgiving someone after they lied to you is a slippery slope because in most cases they take it as an opportunity to become a better liar.
He showed you who he was. Believe him.
Personally, I'd say “didn't your mum ever teach you to STFU if you can't say anything nice?Maybe you should keep that ugly personality of yours in check!”
My mom did this to me once when I was a teenager. I’ve never come so close to hitting someone but managed (somehow) to have more restraint than she did in that moment and walked away. To this day it’s the most degrading thing someone I care about has ever done to me and she hasn’t apologized for it. It still hurts to think about and I’m 39 now.
Oh man. This just made me sad. Physical affection is actually really good for humans in a lot of ways! Good physical touch produces oxytocin which makes ya feel GREAT! It also lowers cortisol production! – The stress hormone. You should ga-google the ways in which physical affection is beneficial.
At the same time though, he wasn't always the way he is with me now, its been a natural progression.
THATS CALLED GROOMING! Honey! I don't know you but I love you and PLEASE listen! It happened to me. Please please please don't fall for the same mistakes.
I get frustrated because then things won't get done… we need to eat and we need to do laundry… he acknowledges things in the moment or after he has had time to think. But things ultimately end up going back to the way that they were. (*or he brushes off discussions for a 'later date' that conveniently never comes.)
If she lives in the UK (based off “mum”) they have pretty solid social welfare programs that can help make sure her children’s needs are met.
Yeah she can leave I respect her decision. I just want to hell her. But thanks.
Have you brought up this possibility to your therapist?
Hey man, I get you are upset, I really do.
I once gave my mum a really nice watch that I bought using the money I saved up from work.
She opened it, thanked me but said it wasn’t the style she like. I was really upset about it at the time (19/20 years old I think I was)
She took the watch back to the store and exchanged it for one she preferred a bit more.
Now that I’m a bit mature now, I actually have no problem with that anymore. The whole point of me buying my mother a gift was to make her happy. So if she is happier with a different style watch, then so be it. The important thing is she knew I cared and she had a new watch that she liked.
Gifts can’t always be perfect. But if there’s a way to make the person happier, why not let them do what they prefer? It’s their birthday after all
YES. This is what I always say on here: the 2 of you are no longer who you were when you were 17. Do some research into how much people change between teens until 30. You become who you will be as an adult.
Im still stuck on armpit fetish.
Girl. Hes cheating. Just leave before you get an STD
Block him. Get on with your life. Get in touch with your friends. Start new new hobbies or classes. Get out there.
I think you should stay where you are. At your age, relationships come and go, there’s no hurry to get married. Finish school. Keep coaching. See him and enjoy him when you can.
WTAF. Ew. Tmi, but does he ever smell? ?
Show your girlfriend the message asap