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Thank you so much for the long thought out response!! The first little paragraph really hit home. It’s so very hot to see these things as a possible result of his mental state, it’s been so easy to take it personally and assume he has bad intentions. I’m certainly not trying to dump him, otherwise i wouldn’t have cared enough to make a post.
Also the other points you made in regards to expectations and making plans are super helpful and help me see the situation differently. As for the friends thing I know that is totally under his own discretion. Not looking to change this about him or force him to do anything, i just saw it as a possible red flag/something I’m concerned about for him. Its tough when i value my friends and time spent with them so very highly and see him never spending any time with his.
Your ending note also resonates with me greatly. Thank you tons!
There are several work-around solutions, short of either breaking up or rehoming your cat. Unless his allergy is severe, the simplest solution is to keep the cat out of your bedroom, and step up your cleaning routine by vacuuming and cleaning the litter box more frequently. Keeping your cat washed and well-groomed can also make a big difference, since he is allergic to the cat's dander, rather than the actual fur.
Some people manage their pet allergies very well by taking a daily OTC antihistamine, like loratadine (brand name Claritin). But it doesn't work well for everyone.
If your cat is older, you can simply continue to socialize mostly at your BF's place, and wait until the cat dies before you talk about moving in together.
Whatever you do, though, I think you should expect this to be your last cat, if this is the right guy for you. It's up to him to cope gracefully with the “inherited” cat, but I think it would be highly selfish of you to insist on getting another one in the future, knowing that it will make him sick.