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Just for context I'm a 29M. Girl run!! There are reasons he is going after someone so young. No offense but you two are at completely different stages in life. I personally would never date anyone who is 19 or 20 because of that age difference. The fact he is, whole living with his parents and fighting for sobriety, yeah run!
He is using you, no way around it. Him saying he doesn't want to be alone or you are his soul mate is classic manipulation. Deep down you know all of this. The reason your feelings change is because of his manipulation. Not to mention he is using your car.
I work in Mental Health and drug addiction was the first client population I worked with while in college. Reality is there is a good chance he won't remain sober. Manipulation is text book addict behavior, and if he does relapse you are in a vulnerable position to be stolen from and exploited further.
You have your whole life ahead of you. Find someone closer to your age and who has their life intact, well as much as they can for 19-21. Good luck!!
And you should be right now too. Sorry to say.
First, you need to be asking yourself whether or not you want to stay with him and that will determine your next move. You don’t need to make the decision based on anything other than your own personal feelings. I can’t tell you to leave him or stay with him you have to decide that for yourself.
Once you decide you also need to think about whether or not you want to know the reason as to why he’s acting like this it’s possible that drugs or mental health are factors at play or possibly he’s just going through it but do you really care enough to know or do you want to cut your losses and get out?
This sounds like an abusive marriage waiting to happen, and I really hope that you stay safe
I am in no way being snarky with this question, but I see people non-stop telling others here to get therapy. How does one go about that reasonable? I was in a really dark place a little over a year and a half ago, decided to do something about it. I had (have) health insurance now. Got an appointment (during Covid it was remote, but still) that took about a month before they could even do a voice call for a consultation. Then after the evaluation, another few weeks before they approved a reccommendation for both psychological and psychiatric therapy, then it was like almost 3 months before I could even get seen by anyone. In that 5 months, I ended up getting better myself through supportive friends and coworkers, but what if I seriously needed help? Does my insurance just suck that bad? What resources are there for seeking helpful therapy?
Does your gf legit not comprehend that you have texture issues with food?
My take on why she's lying: she found out about the proposal while snooping, and is scared you'll postpone if you realize she knows.
Most people don’t go to jail and most people don’t commit crimes so that’s a irrelevant point
So it’s available to unmarried couples?
Name one benefit that doesn’t have a beneficiary?
I agree which is why I used the word “or” in my statement
My point is that 95% of these “benefits” for married couples are available for unmarried couples so it’s unfair to use that as a reason that people should get married if one person doesn’t want to
I understand your point. However is it actually a 10 minute window when there’s 24 hours in a day and texting readily available at our finger tips?
This is the person I share daily life with. The point is that I didn’t feel recognized on my day.
Don’t listen to his words, watch his actions. If you don’t leave now, you only have yourself to blame for the time you wasted. You only get 1 life, make your choices wisely and build a solid future. It doesn’t matter what he promised you or what you thought he’d do for you, he has shown you that he is not a reliable consistent partner. What’s your plan? Do you think this behavior will spontaneously change? It never does
It sounds like it’s just an easy way for a female salesperson to suggest an recommendation for you tbf… like if I was serving a female my age I’d say “I bought this top last week it’s really nice” or if it was someone older “my mother likes this style” “my boyfriend/husband says these are super comfy”
I don't have any pics of my kids up on the wall yet, for no reason I'm just bad at decorating.
If she doesn't have custody is it a deal breaker? Did she tell you he lives there?
I've definitely been in a couple houses that you couldn't tell a kid lived there. Generally single children houses and the one room they had was amaaazzziinngg. Like all the electronics and posters and neon signs, etc.
What you looked at nude pictures of a girl you both know?
I’m trying to seek opinions before jumping to conclusions and getting a better understanding with more perspectives. This is my first real relationship and I can admit my faults so I don’t really understand what’s “abnormal” or not.
I haven't prevented anything. Have you looked at the username of who you're talking to? I'm not OP.
I think you probably dodged a bullet there tbh.
Tbf, this one problem you are having is a BIG DEAL.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I obviously do not want to be in a relationship like this but I guess I just have too much hope sometimes that things will change. I understand everyone is different and has a different love language way to express but I just feel like this should kind of be a bare minimum in a relationship, just the basics. I’ll take your words into consideration, I don’t really want to repeat yet another cycle. Thank you once again 🙂
Million posts on this, most guys don’t enjoy sex with partner 4 years in, since the sexual mystique and challenge have gone, +he’s seen the film 200 times before. I wish someone would tel women this before getting into LDRs, because I basically read the same post 3-4 times a day on here
I think you can actually ask her. Just very calmly tell her that the constant conflict around this one purchase is starting to negatively affect your relationship with her, so what does she need to hear from you to have her never bring it up again? If it's something reasonable, like reaffirming your commitment to her and the household, give it to her in exchange for the promise that she'll drop the issue now and forever. But if she says there's nothing you can say to get her to drop it, then you need to move out.
This is your kid's mom. You do what's best for your kids and what is required by your divorce agreement. I agree you should not commingle finances with your girlfriend until you are completely separate financially from your ex.
And really, you shouldn't be mixing finances with a girlfriend anyway. You're a grown man in his 40s with teenage children. There's zero reason to be merging finances with your new gf. I don't know if she can handle this arrangement. It's a lot of baggage, but that doesn't mean you cater to her. Your priority is your children.
You suggest to her specific things you want her to do then go from there.
It completely blows my mind, that someone of your age can't see what's blatantly stared you in the face.
Your pity party for one is laughable. Did you seriously believe that your AP would be welcomed to his wedding in any lifetime? At least she's realistic and knows she won't ever be accepted in any part of his life.
You disregarded the level of betrayal felt by your family as a whole, not just to your wife. You never apologized to your kids for what you did to rip their family apart. It sounds like you just moved on with the new family and prioritized them more than even trying to rectify your relationships with your kids. Excusing your behavior because they were young adults and it shouldn't matter.
But now the big milestones are coming. And again your selfishness will cost you more lost time. That you sent him a text about how you're emotionally stressed and trying to guilt trip him is the biggest joke. Why would he care about your emotions, when you didn't give two toots about his? The saddest part… you have the dates/years of the only times you've had communication with him.
I'm betting that when he does answer you, your invitation will be revoked. And any other milestones won't come with invites. Never underestimate the damage and the long-lasting effects, infidelity can have.
You screwed around and are still finding out.
Sounds like you're an idiot
Do you believe these things, or do you just believe that some people think these things?
I am a woman who wears baggy clothes 24/7 and I have fucked a lot of people and done a lot of drugs in my lifetime. What you wear doesn’t define anything. You’re objectifying her and sexualizing her and making assumptions. You’re jealous and don’t want her fucking other people. Just stop and don’t mention shit to her. Get over it and keep your distance from her.
I feel so bad for OP.
That mother is an absolute garbage human being. Destroyed his life and her daughters life.
I'm so sorry OP. Please keep a positive heart, you were deceived and you did the right thing telling the truth.
Highly doubt there are no victims. OP is a child believing the lies being fed to her.
Sorry OP. What kind of grown adult? You know the answer, and that he isn't one unfortunately. Can't even get unemployment. It's a nude lesson, but you are both young and can rebuild from here. Good luck.
Artists are free to express themselves however they like.. He’s choosing to express himself through raps about bitches and hoes.. Beyond the disrespect, which is clearly not on, his values sound terrible and his rhymes derivative and played out. I’m cringing for you.
I have no real advice other than to say I get it if you don’t stick around. Eesh. Imagine introducing him to people and he wants to talk about his new song: Phat A$$ Hoes.
I know I fucked up going through his messages and I never thought I’d be the person who would do it but I guess I don’t even know myself.
But thank you for your perspective, I’m really at a loss of what to do so it’s appreciated
Is FIFA really still a thing? Didn't we evolve pass the sports games? We have the technology for so much more…
Stop playing FIFA, leave her and play proper games, life is too short anyway….
Do her a favour and explain that you never really loved her (because when you love someone you'd do anything to help them) and that she deserves better than you (because she does).
That's exactly what I meant? but not really what i asked