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I don't understand her logic here. Even lying about you, all she needed to say was “he said talking to you made him uncomfortable, so I ghosted you, but that wasn't right. I hope you're doing well” or whatever the fuck.
The thing about being separated? I don't know your wife, obviously. But to me? It could be interpreted to be testing the waters. “Hey, sorry for ghosting, he was being controlling, but we're separated now.” Then see how he responds. Did she call him? Maybe they talked for a while, and he wasn't interested in starting anything up, hence him emailing again later.
I know I'm inventing some stuff here, but the part about the separation really seems sketchy to me. There's no reason to say that she's kind of single right now unless her relationship status would matter for what she wanted out of the conversation.
Your (hopefully ex) bf is a cunt. I have NEVER once been “punished” or made to feel bad for denying sex whe I wasn't in the mood.
“I threw most of it away…..”
I disagree with the other comments. My GF would never ever say this to me. If she die, i would immediately break up.
You need to get an attorney and you need to get a M harassment, restraining order of some kind. I don’t know where you are most states in the US have them you need to stop her because she’s not gonna stop and she’s distorting it and because you’re not standing up for yourself, you actually kind of look like you’re going along with it. And she’s not going away now so you need to legally do something about it.