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Yeah we both realize that it was bad and he really doesn’t deserve what happened to him. But still she talks about breaking up with him so idk if that’s what it is. She did tell me she’s been with someone since she was 13 (she’s 20) and doesn’t want another relationship once she leaves bro. I told her there’s no pressure or rush to put a label on things. I’ve also told her I’m cool being friends at this point. But yeah I probably just came on way too strong at first because I had strong feelings for her. And I feel like my best course of action is to kind of ignore her. Like don’t blow up her phone. Only really talk to her if she starts the conversation and keeping it brief. And one of two things is gonna happen. She’s either gonna realize she made a mistake by dropping me. Or she’s gonna realize that ever trying anything romantic with me was a mistake. Regardless I’m not tripping about it too bad. Just kinda sucks because we really had a connection I thought :/
It's not difficult because bro is sending porn to a 13 year old.
It would be easiest if bro gets arrested, then op will have that to point to if anyone argues with him being no contact. But cutting off and calling the cops on child predators is the easiest part of this.
Dealing with the aftermath of a son who misses his uncle and family who will probably not want it to be true.
Exactly, this is no longer Tony's problem, thanks to Mary this is now everyone's problem, and your friends would want to know the truth.
I know, I’m completely aware of this. Actually I don’t blame her as I don’t think she has any bad intentions but I really need to move on with my life. It really sucks to be stuck in this situation
I’m going to throw some stuff against the wall and you can see, if any of it sounds helpful. Disclaimer: I do not have ADHD, but I do have a mental illness, which can result in me getting overloaded. Your description of stubbing a toe, while everyone screams at you, sounds incredibly familiar.
First of all: You are not a monster! Your brain is not cooperating, because of the lack of pills or more precisely a lack of Norepinephrine in the brain. That isn’t your fault and sadly, there is no way of magically increasing the levels, through something you could do or take charge of, beyond pills. Don’t blame yourself!
However, what you can do, is try to manage the situation as best as you can and maybe there is room for improvement there (maybe there isn’t – again just throwing stuff against the wall).
What helps me to avoid overload, is getting really sensitive to the signs. Usually the body knows, before the brain does, that something is going wrong. What are your signs? Muscle tensing? Heart rate going up? Sweating? What’s the breathing rate? This might sound stupid, but I can actually determine quite precisely how stressed I am, but the amount of tensing my face and specifically forehead muscles are doing. There might be a process – 10% stress results in symptom A, 30% in symptom B and so on. I personally, need to head off the problem before I reach 50%. Usually there is an instinct to wait until one just about can’t stand it anymore, while somehow suppressing everything with willpower. However, at that stage, my personal train has already left the station and absolutely nothing will keep it from crashing. The best I can do at that stage is get the hell out and hope for the best, while saying ‘good bye’ to the rest of the day.
Which leads to the next point: what can you do at each symptom stage to get back down? Breathing techniques? A calming environment? Mindfulness aka focusing on the senses? Or the opposite – I carry a skipping rope and sometimes some vigorous exercise is the only thing that will work. There are massive lists of things out there to try to get stress down and I am afraid I don’t know enough about ADHD to make any recommendations. With my illness, you usually also try quite a lot, until you have a definite list of things that work at different stages (often not forever though, so if something doesn’t work anymore, there is likely another option out there to try).
Plan around things building up, even at work. Schedule regular mini breaks, such as getting a cup of tea, hiding in the bathroom, taking a smoke break, etc. Hell, a quick game of Tetris on your phone can already do wonders. I tend to need 5 minutes every hour – 5 minutes every half hour, when I have something where I concentrate one hell of a lot. I know that will likely effect your job performance, but remember, it is only temporary. Sweet relief will come – you just need to keep going until then.
Be aware of triggers: Some things might feel super overloading for you and get you from 0% to 100% in record speed or at least whack a nice 30% on there. It might be worth actually noting down at regular intervals, where you are on the stress scale to make it easier to go back and figure out, what happened at which stage to blow things up. It might also make you more sensitive to your stress levels at given points. When I started doing it, I regularly found myself going “Hu! I’m pretty stressed. Didn’t realised that…” Again, prevention is better than cure.
Just as an example: One of my triggers is noise. I always have high quality, noise cancelling, headphones with me, to be able to dampen things down if needed.
When it goes wrong, don’t beat yourself up. Some of it is practice and some of it, is just the luck of the draw. Remove yourself and do what you need to do and (as you are doing) apologise afterwards.
Now, for things with your boyfriend: I’m sure this is a really stressful time for him too. Try to encourage him to make sure, he takes care of himself too. It is easy to go into rescue mode and forget about yourself, which can lead to burnout. Once you know what symptoms to look out for, share them with him, as he might see something you don’t (the forehead muscle thing was pointed out by my family – I never noticed – and now everyone knows, they can point it out to me, when they see it). Also share as clear instructions on what to do, as you can. Feeling helpless is a really detrimental state of mind. Finally, if he can find a self-help group for the loved ones of people with ADHD, then that could be really good. He needs to be able to unload to and doing so amongst people who ‘get it’, can be really helpful (plus they might have more tricks and tips from experience).
I know, you are already overloaded and I’ve now written an essay, which doesn’t help at all, but maybe tomorrow or so, this might have something useful in it.
life is a journey and you do this journey with people who are also taking the same path and in terms of partner he needs to take the exact same path as you so you both can have a good and fulfilling life but it seems like he is walking a different path it seems like it is time to say goodbye to each other not because you or him are at fault because you guys are walking different paths this causing both of you to struggle you guys will not be happy
Will definitely be reading these!
Time machine? I don’t know how you fix it?
Personally, I do not think people can change when it comes to these types of behaviors in relationships. He’s flat out telling you he’s cheating without using the specific word and giving you all the evidence that he’s doing so. My ex also swore on his mother’s life that he would never cheat on me because he was humiliated after being cheated on in college and that he knows how to be a decent guy.? The ones that swear they’re not like the others end up being the worst perpetrators of cheating it feels like.
our brains are weird, don’t read too much into dreams
There are programs for free lawyers.
And I absolutely agree with this. I do want her to have a life outside of me and I don’t want her to change to make me feel better. I want to know how how I can be better. It sounds like seeking professional help is the viable option here because I’ve been trying to fight myself on this and it doesn’t seem to get better.
I will add that he kept unlocking blocking during covid because for times we spoke it was because of the distance and I couldn't handle being on social media not knowing many things because or oveethinking with the pure intention of reunion with him – he got seemingly angry at me when I mentioned I confided in someone else, and at a time I said to him he doesn't even want to share the same plain of existence as me and he cried to me saying he wanted to but the covid didn't allow him to do it- that I was one of the best friends in his life, and sometimes he said time he's sorry he knows be hurt me, he WILL come to Australia and see me after restrictions ease. But recently he said he will see me when we both fully recover from the mental illness. I didn't add this into the paragraph*
If you can evade the car, pas the whole holiday nude. Remember her who fuck with bf.
She may talk about you. Or she may be referring to someone else. Don't solely look for her, I'm sure there's a lot of good women out in the world. But also don't turn into a spiteful person. This is a setback, and you will pass this hurdle. Keep going. Keep moving.
“Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Swimming. Swimming!” – Dorothy, Finding Nemo
Thanks a lot for your words
Block him. Block him. And when you're done with that, block him. He's coming back to you because his first choice didn't work out and since you're entertaining him, he's trying to get back with you, until the next girl he wants comes along. If he wanted you, he wouldn't have left you for someone else. You're a place holder. Be done and block him.
This is the hardline stance that I want to take. But wife is already falling back on “a lot of time has passed since this happened last” and putting it on me to forgive because it's Christmas. Her mom is putting up a massive guilt trip on her too so she can't see it my way.
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Just tell him he is a hypochondriac and it is childish
Break up. Unless you’re ok losing your ENTIRE family for this dude, there’s no way to make this work. He’s been given chance after chance to try to be at the very least civil and he wishes literal death on YOUR BROTHER. Your options now are leave him or lose your family eventually. I’m sorry your bc sucks and is so horrible but wow…I don’t get alone with my brother but if someone acted like this towards him they’d be gone in a heartbeat
I mean. So is valentine and Christmas. Gotta make her wait her worth I guess ?? she ain't $300 worth but I guess she ain't a thought worth to this loser
Some boobs are easy to hide with a binder or baggy top.
When someone ghosts you its the clearest message they can give you that they don’t want anything to do with you.
Thank God you’re getting a divorce, OP. Your wife (like most women with jealousy issues) is a piece of work and you should never have married her in the first place.
Confront her. No offense, but this shouldn't need to be asked because it's obvious what to do. Tell her that your boyfriend showed you her pictures and tell her how it upsets you. If she knew he was your boyfriend, that's more reason to end the friendship with her.
Well you'd be telling her twice that you don't want to be her friend. How do you expect her to perceive that?
Normally I'd say “Of course, obviously.”
But that IS his kink, so…
Nothing about what you described is remotely clingy or inappropriate behavior. You’re just dating a dickhead (and it sounds like your friends aren’t great either.)
YAY!!! I love a happy ending!!!
So what is your number? Is 8 acceptable? Is 13 acceptable? Why is 14 where you draw the line but not 7?
With a formal, written notice to vacate. You can print it yourself and post it where he can see it and photograph it for proof if it goes to court later. You’ll need to give him the legally required minimum time limit to leave. Do it this way so you’ve covered your bases if he digs in his heels and you need to evict him.
He’s a grown man and he can find a friends couch or go back to his parents or get a job or join the peace corp, or doesn’t matter that it will be nude for him, if you want him out. He needs to leave. How or where he goes is not your responsibility.
This has nothing to do with intelligence.
Since she refuses to answer this question my guess is yes she has. And if so she has exactly 0% chance of getting him back
Maybe just the men. OP deserves better either way.
Unicycling
It sounds like you need a new girlfriend.
Sounds like a mini junk drawer, he probably shoved them in there and forgot all about it. What were the dates on the receipts? Maybe these are really old too?
Depends on the person.
For example, I budget a certain amount for future home and car repairs & maintenance. If my paycheck had nothing leftover, I'd say I'm just paying my bills. Someone else might say they are meeting their bills and saving for future expenses.
It's the same financial balance, different ways to look at it.
Zero intimacy in 18 months? Plus she counts you giving her a back rub as intimacy and she doesn’t return the touch. Touch is vital. Sex matters. If she’s not willing to even go to therapy, it’s a big problem. Truthfully it also sounds as if she is running this relationship and your home without any input from you. This isn’t going to change unless you put your foot down. Therapy or separation. I’m so sorry. You are so young. Also. She didn’t have a 9 month period
Talk to a lawyer. You need to know how this will affect you if his business fails. Does he plan on quitting his current job? Will you be stuck being the only source of income while he gets this business started?
You need to figure out how to protect yourself and your children. Do not sign anything without getting a lawyer to look over it first.
I read one where a guy had his brother, wife and kids staying for a period. Wife of brother accused the guy of being inappropriate with his daughter (step niece?). Her complaint? Hugging and cuddling during movie night. Turned out, the brother hadn't been allowed to hug their daughter for some time and she was still under ten. That lady was so fucking messed up.
“you're right, I don't need the list anymore, because she won't be my sister in law anymore.”
Really though, had your husband protected you at all? Supported you? And more importantly, was it enough to really make an impact on your issues with his family?
He seriously disrespected you by throwing that out. If he wanted you to give another chance, you don't need to throw it out, you just talk. That's like taking a page out of a diary because someone tells you we've moved past it so you don't need thos record. Like no, that's your private thoughts.
Trust your gut. If this is the straw that breaks the camel's back, so be it. You can find real happiness elsewhere.
Why are you posting this fake story over and over
As someone who was in an abusive & controlling relationship basically during the same period of my life: do not take more than your fair share of responsibility!!! It does NOT help!!!
It's enabling, and he's taking advantage of your empathy and compassion. My ex also had an extremely challenging upbringing, which I empathized with because I did too. I tried to do the work for both of us but it DOES NOT WORK. Please don't fall for the trap any longer than you need to.
IDK if any of this will resonate at all, but honestly, for me, I was really shy and anxious about socializing to begin with, and he was very accepting of this (because it turns out, it's easier to control and isolate highly anxious people lol). So now that I look back, I wonder if there was a degree of avoidance (of socializing, facing exclusion, rejection, being alone, exposing my own awkwardness) or even convenience for me to be in such an isolating and controlling relationship. Kind of like the way it's the path of least resistance to sit at the bottom of a slanted floor. That's not to place the blame on myself, but moreso to better understand why it was SO nude to leave. When I met new people, I hated how stiff I felt, or the way my mind would tell me no one really liked me. I didn't have anywhere to go, anyone to turn to or talk to. This is a textbook abuse tactic- they show their “good side” first (seriously, like it's some animal kingdom shit if you know what I mean….), then they isolate you and make it the path of least resistance to stay. They make it hot for you to be you, because you are bound to so many rules. It's suffocating, restrictive, and destructive. Please leave. Not everyone you meet will like you but by GOD I promise there will be people who love you for you. And they will be worth all the hardship there is.
It sounds like he's punishing you for “not having sex” with him enough by limiting quality time spent together which is manipulation and can be a form of abuse. I understand wanting to have sex but that shouldn't be his main motivator for spending time with you, you're in a relationship ffs not FWB.
You deserve someone who puts in the effort to see you just to see you. Based on what you said, it sounds to me like you have a normal sex life. It's not like you're denying him sex. His libido is obviously higher than yours but sometimes that happens in relationships, and you have to come to a compromise.
If his behavior doesn't change you should consider breaking up with him imo. You don't exist to be his human fleshlight, you're his girlfriend.
If you're ok with being distrusted and treated like a cheat and a liar for no reason, this is the girl for you. Otherwise, run.
Of course he has issues with your OF! Why you need to be making ANY money when you have a man is beyond me!!! Definitely get the app to st least get notified what he’s doing on his phone. These men, looking at insta! Did you read the one who had her man get rid of his eyes??? Maybe that could be part of your plan.
Yeah I learned recently my ex was emotionally cheating on me for years with a girl that became his gf after me (she told me), so I am kinda on the lookout for that kinda stuff now. I do want to trust my bf that nothing inappropriate is happening though. He texts two of his friends every day too so maybe it’s no different like he says.
Connect with her, and send a message saying you had fun that night and hope she’s doing well.
See if she responds
Does he like Phish?
End of the day you are refusing to listen to any advice people are giving. You’ve already made up your mind that there’s nothing anyone can do or say to make you see reason; so there’s absolutely no point posting. You’ll follow his lead, you’ll go no contact with your mother, then in a few years time you’ll be posting again that you’re stuck, have no friends/family and your other half has turned into somebody unrecognisable-you need help to leave…. I will say this as someone with kids older than you; your brain hasn’t even finished forming-who you are now and how you see the world isn’t how you’ll see things in 5 years time… you’re looking at him with rose coloured glasses but that won’t last forever, so have a back up plan as to how you and your kids can escape in 5-10 years when it all goes to sh&t…
To make this clear, I never made this post to bring down hate on him. I was honestly confused and wanted to know if there were other ways to contract this STD. Yes, I was clean before this, and from my knowledge, so was he. No, I never physically saw the results with my own eyes, and I don't see a point in asking anymore. Please, although not all the comments are showing, I still get a glimpse of what some people are saying, and some of the comments aren't nice, nor was what I was looking for.
The more attention this gets, the more I understand that there is a high possibility that he is lying to me, and there is a small possibility that he's not. Either way, the relationship is finished. But I am asking that you please be kind. I don't want any hate going to him or myself; I just wanted to understand my situation better since I have never had an STD before. I'll never know if he told me the truth or not, and I realize that. But please, I want this post to be informative, not hateful, and I hope it helps others understand sexual health better as well.
I dont mean to be crass, but can poppers help?
Head on over to r/moissanite and check out the vendors list. If you order a stock piece you could get something affordable and hopefully get it in time.
Cut to 8 months later and he expressed that he feels I’m controlling for the boundaries I set for this friendship and doesn’t want to have to think about how/when he interacts with her so he wants to be able to be best friends with her as he was before we dated.
But also:
He promised me he didn’t and to prove that, he’d basically cut her off (they were still in friend group chats/ hangs together but that didn’t bother me).
In my eyes this is near outright gaslighting. He was the one that acknowledged the troubled boundaries, he was the one that used it as a plea bargain to entice you into the relationship. He was the one that backtracked on that, forced you to compromise the boundaries that he insisted on as the basis of the relationship.
And now he is coming at you as if this was something you put on him, as if you forced it? He is basically trying to retcon your relationship, rewrite history, distort the facts. The narrative he presents sidesteps the reality that transparently he is hung up on her and is enabled by all his shitty friends, but also that he lied to you to get into this relationship in the first place.
Just be real about that. This is gross and exactly what you feared would happen. Time to walk away from this.
Never EVER make big life decisions off of a boy. Example I moved my whole life to a new city etc when I got married… His city…. He left me. So now I'm in a place with no family or anything.
Not to be negative but almost noone ends up woth their high school sweetheart. You are most likely going to break up. Don't forego any opportunities f9r him at this age.
2 hours isn't that long to date long distance. If you can't make it for 4 years then your love isn't rela anyway. Do what's best for your future. The rest will land where it lands.
“Came out as poly” is BS. Being poly isn't like being gay, poly is a choice. Poly is wanting to have sex with more than one person.
Most people aren't OK with it, and that's fine.
But you're not helpless. Take action. You are in control of your own actions, literally. Have your brain turn your thoughts into actions. Get your phone. Go to the Calling app. Call authorities. Explain all this bullshit.
What even are these ages and year, woof