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The Red Pill folks will probably downvote you (and me too) but this is the correct approach. People can and do change… WHEN THEY WANT TO, and after getting the help they need to make the changes last. It’s rare but the times it works are worth celebrating. Be ready to discover that even if she changes, you’re better off with a different partner and that’s ok. Just because something gets better doesn’t mean it’s what’s best for YOU, OP. Only you can decide, whether she gets help and changes, or not, that she’s worth your time. It’s YOUR life too. Might be life is too short to be saddled with the “maybe but probably not” prospect that she becomes trustworthy.
I’ve been divorced once and recently broke off an engagement with two women that cheated …. I urge you DO NOT TAKE HER BACK AND DROP HER IMMEDIATELY WITH NO REMORSE NO MATTER HOW NAKED IT MAY BE AND HOW ATTACHED YOU ARE !!! WHAT SHE DID IS BETRAYAL & SHE WILL KEEP DOING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN !!!! SHE IS MANIPULATING YOU AND IF YOU TAKE HER BACK YOU WILL BE VIEWED AS A WEAK BETA MALE WITH NO BACKBONE…. ARE YOU A REAL MAN ? IF SO DISPOSE OF THIS WOMAN AT ONCE BEFORE YOU END UP IN A MARRIAGE THAT GIVE YOU DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY!!!!!
When I went to therapy I could see the first progress after six months. In the beginning it felt like it does not do anything but I addressed this with my therapist and he assured me that it takes time.
I also addressed the issue that I felt like he is 'faking' his empathy towards me and we talked about that quite a lot. The point here is that it may well be 'faked' because it is their job. But that does not mean that they don't want or cannot help you. They want to help and they also will, if you let them.
Furthermore, the fact that you have tried eleven therapists and have come to the conclusion that they are all incompetent clearly shows that the problem is you and not the therapists. You should give it a chance.
And now at last: you sound a bit like you could have narcissistic character traits (noone can do it right, they are all incompetent, i know it better than them…). Just my two cents.
If you criticize the baking, he's likely to get defensive. The bread isn't the problem, really. The problem is that you don't spend enough time together anymore. (And his house is a mess) Talk to him about setting aside X hours a week to spend time with you. Frame it as missing the connection with him, rather than criticizing his hobby.
This guy sounds like he might get a little obsessive about things. In a year, it might be origami or Bulgarian folk dance. The point is that he needs to be able to make room for quality time with you if the relationship is going to work.
Probably a long shot, but just because he didn’t get you anything from that store, and hasn’t told you that he has got you a gift for Christmas, doesn’t actually mean he hasn’t got anything for you, also he might not have wanted you to know what he’s getting you, so if you liked those stuffies he might go back when you are not around to get them for you.
I only mention this because I love giving gifts, but I do not ever get a gift for someone when I am with them, I’ll make note and get it later, or order it live, as for me part of the gift giving is seeing the smile on their face when they open the gift.
She only said that because she doesn't want to be alone. She using you as an emotional crutch.
Found the stinky person in the comments
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I’m already searching and plan to move as quickly as I can.
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Are these incidents prior to you and your BF?
If so, yes a blessing in a disguise.
Who the hell holds something against their partner that happened years before they met. I am sorry I didn't tell you about every single person I flirted with before you?
How deep do you need to search through someone's phone to dig that sort of thing up.
I think you have a sex addiction
Why you dating a drugie?
i say one thing, he says i say another
You need to have a talk about communication and make it clear that you say what you mean. If he is insisting that you said something that you have not said, then that is a serious problem because that means that he does not appreciate your thoughts in all honesty.
He's almost certainly cheating.
If you were in an ideal relationship what would she be doing differently? Specifically what do you need? What specific actions would she need to take to make you happy? Again, be very specific. You are being kind of vague right now.
Because different people will feel differently about the same situation? You dont know her past experiences, or what shes seen happen before. You are a walking red flag towards women, but self awareness for you is at an ALL TIME LOW
You didn't snoop. You found her on a public forum. This isn't an invasion of privacy.
Your parents need to be sat down and brought to terms with the reality that you're an adult. My (31F) fiancé (25M) and I started dating when he was 23 and I was 29. My little brother (29) and his partner (23F) started dating when she was 21. Our parent adore both of our chosen partners and while we do get a little joking from them about our partners being that much younger, it's mostly cuz they know we won't take it seriously. I actually thought my fiance was older than he is when we first started chatting and he thought I was waaay younger.
If they won't accept that you've thought this decision out, then going NC for as long as it takes for them to come around may be necessary. Six\seven years age difference isn't a worryingly large gap at your age IMO thought I have a bias probably
That’s financially reckless.
He deliberately made his situation worse. That behaviour will impact your life, if you stay.
Lol she cheats on you the first day and you forgive her
Find a different bf or whatever alternative that would get you out of this one because this is more than just an issue about pets. Being used financially is as big as red flag as it can get. Dont build a connection like friendship or just a bf with money involved. You don't have to pay for his responsibilities and as a young adult (who i assume has still not even hit their financial goals) should not be burdened to pay off someone else's debts.
Right! This is good advice. Thank you for taking time to read and respond.
Our breakup was a spur of the moment decision, and for almost 2 years, our relationship felt perfect. I can’t even remember why we broke up, – other than the fact I was having a very hot time dealing with my recently diagnosed bipolar disorder.
I definitely have to think as much about this as possible. I have not responded to my ex.
The only reason I feel that I would not miss my current girlfriend as much as I miss my ex, is because I have felt as though I have “settled” with my current girlfriend since the start. But with my ex, I wanted to be with her forever. I just didn’t know how to?
Should I pay you for summarizing or what? Don’t you have an opinion yourself?
It sounds like he's kinda given up. My hubby is a tradie who worked in both live flow and treatment plants. He wouldn't let anyone touch him until he'd at the very least changed out of his work gear.
Because his 'friend' shouldn't feel comfortable to talk about his girlfriend in that kind of dismissive way. I would never talk about my friends girlfriends like that. There's clearly an issue there.
mature enough i wouldn’t try to fuck a patient if I was. Not that I am a psychologist or ever said I was. but also this is reddit, not an office, my maturity is whatever I feel like at the moment live. Get over it
My problem with you was the immediate “ruining someone’s life for jealousy.” Like don’t comment on things you’re clearly so uneducated about and then get mad when people who are informed on the topic come to correct you, that’s some little boy, clown shit.