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We see each other no more than once a week, and talk on the phone every other night or every two nights. Some days we go without talking and unless I have something I want to tell him or I had a bad day
and this is 'mushier than average'…?
He says that based on his friends’ relationships or his own parents’, our relationship is mushier than average.
so, a sample size of what, 5 couples? this is “anecdotal evidence”, not “a statistically relevant sample size”. as such, it's great and all, but comparatively meaningless. besides, you're dating him, not his friends. (if those friends jumped off a bridge…)
How can I make him realize the average couple probably is more enmeshed than we are?
you can't. he's not dumb, or incapable of communication– he gets what you are trying to tell you, he just firmly disagrees. he has a different set of ideals about how a relationship should look.
I can tell you that as a 46-yo man, I'm 1000% more like you. if I had a gf I only saw once a week, she'd probably not remain my gf for long. I'm not mad at it– I just know me, and I require more contact.
while we're here, I wonder about the mental health aspect of things. that can be an issue, if not dealt with. for example, it is good that he acknowledges his shit, but what is he doing about it?
He then said that he’s aware he has a damaging tendency to become distant, apologized and listened to me.
interesting that he is aware that he becomes distant and can't even provide any verbal affection, but at the same time, he says you're too mushy…?
so yeah– you don't sound like you're on the same page, and it's manifesting as a bad fit. if you can't convince him to compromise, you're left playing by his rules.
I mean, you can let him know that dae giovanni from the internet and his wife are a lot closer to your ideal than his… but I'm guessing that won't mean much to him. I do again wonder if addressing his mental health concerns might help, based on the fact that his issues turn into him being less proactive in the relationship.
Then why are you still stalking her and reading your bf's phone to see if she's contacting him? And why do you care about any of this?
He should dump you though.