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I reassured her it wasn’t that – “that” being that I didn’t want her to visit. She took my explanation of my schedule personally. I made it clear that I couldn’t spend time with her, and she still wanted to visit.
I agree with this post 100%.
I’m not religious, and my fiancé and I are getting married without a wedding— it’s a ceremony we’re not interested in, but we’re excited to have our rings and participate in building a life together within the legal structures and shared assets a legal marriage brings.
If one of us wanted a ceremony, we would be partners in planning and participating. We would want to share the cost, and effort, because we would want to find a ceremony that was authentic to both of us.
Yes, in reality we’d both rather spend that money on a nice piece of furniture and a vacation. But, even if one of us was less invested in the ceremony itself, our job would not be to just show up.
Also, we know each other well and share our goals and values. Yes, neither of us would be particularly happy dating someone who wanted a huge, traditional ceremony, but that’s fine because we communicate and make sure we share priorities and respect where we differ.
We’re not 6 years into the relationship and have one of us writing off the idea of participating at all in what, to many people, is the biggest commitment ceremony of their life.
If he’s surprised you want a wedding (did you two never talk about it?), he should still be participating as a partner.
If it conflicts with his wants, that shouldn’t be treated as a free pass for him to totally disengage— he should be trying to talk through things and come to some shared ownership and understanding of each other’s wants about what, for many people and families, is a big life event.
I'm sorry to say, but you're defeating your own argument. You could have had the same accident with the same outcome if you'd have driven a car, the motorcycle was not a factor in the accident or the outcome. Ever seen MotoGP? They fall all the time at 200m/u, not a scratch. You have to demonstrate that while driving under normal circumstances a car is safer than a motorcycle. I would argue the motorcycle is safer cause you take up less space and are more manoeuvrable.
The reason people mistakenly think motorcycles are more dangerous is because (inexperienced) adrenaline junkies tend to favour riding motorcycles aggressively and get into horrible accidents, but this is judging a hobby by their extremes. If you wear the correct gear and you drive defensively you're completely safe, safer than a car in my opinion.
We do not judge things by their extremes. I could have collecting rocks as a hobby, how cheap is that, free rocks everywhere, just transportation. Unless I want a rock from the top of mount Everest, now all the sudden it's an expensive hobby. You judge hobbies by their entrance level cost. You can successfully own and operate a motorcycle including paperwork and driver license for 2000/3000, that's not an expensive hobby. If you want to spend several tens of thousands, feel free, but that's not how you judge it.
Ah I see. That is quite a pickle. It may be that you two aren’t sexually compatible because of this. Then again, it sounds like your gf just wants to feel like she’s making you feel good rather than all the focus being on her.
To be clear I don’t know the exact specifics on timing yet – how often they were together, how long, etc. I’m planning to ask her, but wanted some space to think through my questions and feelings beforehand.
You’re correct that this context + how she was communicating with the ex is very important to consider. Im not sure where things will go at this point, but we will see.