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I think an important moral of this would be that money is not everything. No matter how much you spend and how exquisite you get, items won't tighten the relationship.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. It will take time, but one day you’ll feel freer for having cut off this person.
What a terribly shocking and confronting situation to be faced with. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with such a shocking discovery about your brother. Sharing pornography with a child is a form of child sexual abuse and can be used as a form of grooming. It’s fortunate that this behaviour was caught out now. It may be worth finding a child protective behaviours education source for your family (e.g. specialised program, internet resources from reliable organisations, a psychologist who works with children and families). A lot of children are naive to grooming behaviours and/or don’t know how or who to talk to if an adult is being suspicious or inappropriate.
As you know it’s super important to keep your son safe from your brother. I’m not sure whether you plan to try work things out with him, disconnect or report, but whatever you decide please cut unsupervised contact (including via internet) between your brother and son.
block the “friend” on everything and move on. that is no friend.
thank you. i appreciate that advice a lot.
That's so f@&$ed up. That's really sick. If he tells me they are then I will have to tell my friend and cut them from my life.
Thanks, that makes a lot of sense, I agree with the other users about improving my social skills, but waiting to see what’s gonna happen after graduation seems feasible since it’s really only a few months away
I'm a current med student and my partner has been supportive of my schooling and encourages me to put my education first. Trust me, being pre-med and being in med school already takes up a lot of your energy and you want to be with someone who recharges you at the end of the day. Everything is a balance, but you shouldn't be making sacrifices in your schooling for your relationship.
Did we read different posts? Her husband is acting like a big baby and not communicating. How is this HER fault? Because he gaslights her into believing that???
I'm confused. I'll go read it again and edit this if I see what you're saying.
I hope you and your daughter find peace and safety from this terrible man. Godspeed and good luck.
Six. Years.
You choose to lie to him for six entire years, which is nearly a third of your entire life.
You will not come out of this looking good.
The fact that you are trying to talk down the severity of the conversation tells me you WILL do this again.
I would heavily advise your husband to test your daughter's DNA, call a lawyer, and develop an exit plan.
Speak to your family first and tell them what's happened. Then speak to any close friends near you that you can trust. Someone will be able to find you a lawyer. If not you should be able to find one on-line. Also share this post on the legal advice sub. Someone there might also be able to help.
To be completely honest, I would personally break up with you. The fact that you have been able to lie for 4 years to 3 different people you say you love, would make me very uneasy. Plus you a 20 years old so using my parents are strict only shows that you don’t even see yourself as an adult. I hope the best for this situation but I don’t see it going well at all. Also if you think putting it off even longer will be better. You are dead wrong, because the will most likely only ensure the break up
It sounds like you don't trust him, and probably with good reason. “Bad Luck” can happen to anyone, but when it becomes a pattern it normally means someone is either lying or inviting drama into their life. You're young, learn to trust your gut feelings. If something sounds wrong over and over its because it generally is. And on the off chance all of this is somehow a string of amazing coincidences, how happy are you going to be if they keep on happening? Once someone has broken your trust in them its almost impossible to get it back, and even more so if they're not being honest still
MartialArtist, your W's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your W, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
MartialArtist, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
Don’t be dumb.
Is she dead..? Are you afraid of a dead woman?
I think the baby is already been born…
Its not misogynistic at all. And a man cheating on his pregnant wife/gf is not the same as a woman cheating on her husband/bf and having him pay for and raise a kid that isnt his.
Asking ruins the whole game
Dunno if you’re reading my comments but basically I’ve done the explaining and trying to communicate so much that I burnt out from trying and just gave up because it got no where no matter how I tried to communicate in the past
Maybe she’s suffering from depression. If her attitude has change’s drastically and she isn’t doing the things she used to it could be the issue.
It sounds like you’re really trying and there isn’t much more you can do than have a very frank conversation with her. You can’t force her to change or open up to you. If you aren’t ready to end it you can leave the door open for her for a while but you also have to know when it’s no longer healthy for you.
We do meet in public. Out of 4 dates, 2 were out and 2 were cooking and i met his housemates on the cooking date. But yes he did prioritise a party/event with his friend over meeting me before i left town for a month so there’s that.
He’s never stolen before but I let him use some of my things. I own more stuff than him but he still feels that I might steal from him.
In case you didn’t understand, she wants a break up, not just in communication.
That's super gross. I cannot imagine wanting to suck on the neck of one of my kids. Parents are not supposed to look at their children in a sexual manner or think of doing sexual things to them – and seriously the VAST majority of us don't. Have you known your dad all your life – and is this considered normal in your family?
So… you never have plans or other things going on in the evenings? I’m guessing that’s that really issue here.
Nobody on the planet is “fun enough” that their partner doesn’t need friends (or hobbies or alone time or other pursuits that they’ll sometimes choose over spending time with their partner).
You already know how toxic and childish this kind of thinking is. It’s a way of painting yourself yourself as a victim, feeling sorry for yourself.
The key question is why you’re doing that. What do you think you get out of that? Is it easier to feel “rejected” than to confront what’s missing in your own life?
Fuck Bob.
It’s more than red flags – it’s a flashing emergency exit sign
He seems to be a flake which isn't a good trait in an SO.
Be a big girl. If you want something with someone, be direct instead of beating around the bush. You're both wasting each other's time at this point.
I felt a need to share this and my friends that are available at the moment aren't really the type to give this sort of advice. I think i used this thread as a reflection to understand myself. And i'm with you, im probably the most downvoted person here. I forgave her. I think she should be able to make new friends. Male or female. I think think we both need to be honest with each other, to set clear boundaries and so on. In addition, I told her she should be aware of men's intentions, after all suspecting that he was interested in her isn't distrust in humanity, it's healthy logic, and of course no drinking booze from strangers lol In reality we talked about all of this and a lot more in the past 24 hours. I think i made the right choice, but as many others said, i'll stay vigillant about it.
Communicate this to her.
Ok, you're avoiding answering the question, though. You're having sex with your husband. His face is turning you off for some reason. He asks what's wrong and doesn't take “nothing” for an answer. You say: