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Thanks, I will. If you don’t care why are you still responding? ?
In my opinion, I think he is overreacting, you needed the money, and the job was helping pay off ur debt. You did what you needed to do to help yourself. If he can’t he can’t understand what situation u had, then u deserve someone who will.
She probably is interpreting it as an attack on her choice of show, rather than an opinion geared to spark conversation.
So, two things.
If you’re talking too much during, I find that annoying myself when it causing me to miss critical points. Need a healthy balance. Also pick spots that are transitions, where there is nothing important going on.
Another you could try. Don’t make negative points. Try to make more positive comments and see how she response to that. What that will do is help minimize her interpretation as disapproval for show, and see it as approval in return.
I do see your side though. I still want to talk about the show to degree. Try the above out and see if stops shutting you down.
You’re both adults – why does it matter what her father does or doesn’t want? Is she in a position to leave her abusive family?
Oh I didn’t see the not part! I know him, he won’t like it. I only want to ask him that to get it through his skull how much this porn watching hurts me lol
Yes I have. We were co-workers and I feel like the age range is appropriate?
I don’t blame OP at all either. Not for what he said or did. Frankly, it was self defence. Brad grabbed his shirt, OP has a right to defend himself. His mother is delusional if she thought after no contact for 2 years, OP would just agree to run off into the sunset with them like she didn’t betray her own kid.
You haven’t provided much info (maybe bc you don’t have it as he did this suddenly) about the relationship and break up so it’s nude to say. But also, a person is allowed to stop wanting to be in a relationship with another person. Sometimes we do not get the closure we want or deserve in these situations. I think it’s okay to ask for an explanation but you also have to accept that he may not want to be in a relationship with you anymore. You can’t control how others feel and ultimately you can’t trick or convince someone to be with you who doesn’t want to be.
glad for your husband. he is gonna lead a much happier life with you in it.
man the rape jokes are the worse part of this to me. even if you can force yourself to believe he needs sex and is doing it for the stability of your relationship… there is no way to reasonably argue he re traumatizes you with jokes
drop this pos, he’s not the one for you
Cheating occurs when the boundaries of a relationship are broken. It's not cheating if he doesn't care or that “cheating” was inside those boundaries. But since the relationship boundaries were broken in his case, it is considered cheating.
Cheating is not about sleeping with someone else since swingers exist. But instead it's ruled about what i just said. He should break up because if she did it once, she'll do it again.
^ this
Stolen from u/xvszero
You have made your intention clear, that sex is not your top priority and he has made his priority clear that without sex he does not want to see you after 3 weeks. He is an asshole. You need to think about your mental health. Leave him or just hang out with him without having sex, see where that gets you.
You won’t be okay with it until you develop some self esteem. That’s the issue, you think if she’s around other men she’ll like them more because you’re not good enough, etc etc… so then be good enough. But this, what you’re doing right now, is the exact opposite.
There are documentaries where famous Instagram fitness models ( male and female) describe how they manipulate reality to sell and image for the sole purpose of generating clicks ($) and selling supplements.
The Instagram girls she wants to be like go through hell to get their bodies to look a certain way for a window of time in which they take a ton of pictures that they will trickle out over months and months so that they don’t have to maintain that impossible body shape.
They use lighting, make up, filters, etc to appear perfect and then sell the idea that it’s actually easy to achieve if you just buy whatever crap they are slinging.
You might not be able to convince her yourself. She may need professional help.
LOL
Just leave and stay away.
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This isn’t a loving healthy relationship. He wants to mold you to be like him. That’s not normal
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I had deviated septum and aesthetics surgery 20 days ago and it was the best decision of my life. If you have deviated septum, you basically do not breathe enough. That constantly affects your life as you cant sleep properly or do sports etc. Look from this perspective; she can live better life thanks to this surgery. Reacting only based on your own aesthetic point is quite selfish.
Bidets are the way to go!
I own a sex toy store(not applicable to you), but would be willing to help find the right stuff.
However, a partner not helping you finish is a pretty big red flag as far as sexual experiences go. Even if he finishes first, he should still help you get there in some way- be it a toy, hands, or something else.
This relationship is over. The person you are and the person your bf fell in love with are two different people. There is no way you can change your persona and not get some kind of backlash. Even people who truly care for you will be turned off because your meek personality in compassion to your newfound assertiveness will be seen as aggression.
Give it enough time and people will relax around the new you, but until that happens don't be surprised if your actions are taken as an insult; people will push back, and friendship will end. That just growing up.
Nobody i know pulls a knife. Nobody i know pulls a knife and then says you're the problem. Go somewhere safe as soon as you're safe and never look back. Put as much distance as you can from this guy and yourself as you can. Je as discrete as you can. Run.
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Can I see a picture of your boyfriend?
I can give you a nice long list of reasons he’s inferior and pathetic.
It’s not your fault. And it doesn’t really sound like his family is as helpful for him as they need to be. My sympathies to the both of you
Well, at least it won’t be found if they both want a lasting romantic relationship with someone.
Give him a paternity test and when it comes back positive that He is your son's father pack his bags and kick come out because that's pathetic.
You're honestly just confusing. Fuck your cake day.
Get out of there- whether he’s doing these things or not, he’s abusing you. Also stop drinking until you blackout.
Why the fuck doesn't she work?
I remember doing this once??♂️. I was getting a BJ and without thinking, I just grabbed my phone and started recording. As soon as she was done, I handed her the phone to show it to her. She was a little surprised, and didn’t know what to say, and tried to hand the phone back to me.
I wouldn’t take it, and asked her to delete it, and then delete the trash, and to please accept my sincere apology. Once blood started flowing to my brain again I realized how F’ed up that was. I don’t think she was quite as upset as I was, now that I think about it. It’s really not OK! That’s not the type of guy I am, and I was really disgusted with myself. I guess she knows that about me, and that might explain why she responded the way she did (she actually ended up consoling me??♂️).
What worries me is the fact that this guy knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew that you were not OK with it. But he put his selfish desires above respecting you. I hope I don’t have to connect all the dots here, but people that put their selfish desires above respecting their partner…I mean, how else would you define the word “cheater”? I’m not saying that he is! I AM saying that he shares a VERY significant characteristic though.
She told me that recording was fine as long as I showed her immediately afterwards. And I never violated that rule.
If I was younger and hadn't experienced my life as I have, I might be inclined to agree with you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that isn't reality for a great many people on this giant ball we live on.
It would have been received a lot better had you led with this rather than your original comment. Thanks for (finally) putting this in a helpful way.
Why?
Because you continue to allow it
He never grew up. Do you want to be his new mommy and hope you'll have better luck than his parents?
It’s not a question of appropriateness here. If you’re in a bad relationship then you’re in a bad relationship and you need to end it. She’s not responding to you, but it’s also been a single day.
In saying that, you’re here planning out something two days from now. If the two of you haven’t talked by then, your relationship is effectively over. So whether you send your gifts doesn’t matter. It’s not appropriate or inappropriate.
What I should make crystal clear to you is that the gift won’t impact your relationship in any sort of way, so if you want to send it hoping it’ll improve things, know that it’s all for nothing.
For the whole time we have been together, he has not hung out, or gone out with friends. Only a few times to work out at the gym and they all live pretty far. Which is why I’m concerned because his truck was still there. I’d be less worried if his truck was not there, and he had just left his phone. I encourage him to talk to his friends and text them back because I see them call/ text him but he doesn’t answer. He tells me that he doesn’t want to talk to people right now and he needs to focus on himself ,and his career. I have a lot of friends and go out sometimes and encourage him to talk to people but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to. He won’t even go out when I invite him to be with me and my friends. He said he doesn’t care for meeting my guy friends bc he thinks they are all trying to be with me ( never seen or met them before). He mentions in the middle of small arguments sometimes that I have guy friends while he doesn’t have any girl friends and wouldn’t while with me. He said he can’t connect with another women like that and if so it’d only be sexual. He doesn’t have any long term friends that are girls, only guys. I have both long term guy friends and girls. I’m also pan so that gender thing doesn’t matter to me regardless, and I don’t understand the jealousy towards me having guy friends when I’ve known them for years. Everyday hes not at work, when I check it says he’s at home 24/7. In person we are happy together and he seems happy. I have asked why he stays home a lot ,and if he’s been ok mentally and he says he is. So idk where he could be or what he is doing. My head keeps going to cheating because this isn’t usual behavior.
I was going off the number of just a billion but okay. Thanks for doing the math for me Einstein.
majority
That’s not what you said. You said there are traditional family values in India and OPs boyfriend is not correct. Maybe he’s part of the 19%? Do you consider that a possibility? That’s roughly 1 in 5 people who do not practice that religion, it’s quite likely he or his family does not either.
So you shouldn't have to figure out how your husband should “make it up to you” and that's part of the problem. When someone does something wrong/hurts someone's feeling, the burden is on THEM to make things right.
He is a grown man that at least should be able to critical think, and he does that thinking every day. This is a bit flippant, but I think a lot of times this kind of specific relationship incompetence makes people forget their partner exists in the world differently than with them. Your husband drives, which means he can assess situations around him and follow directions. He has a job, which means he can interact with people, meet deadlines, and all sorts of other skills. He has at least one friend, so he knows how to interrelate to other humans and make plans with them.
So why is he not using those skills with you? He feels guilty but you have to fix that, even though the reason he feels guilty is because of his actions towards you. So now you feel bad that he doesn't prioritize you, AND you feel bad that you can't help him not feel guilty. Read that sentence again. Make this man figure out his own shit.
I still don't believe it was sexual assault
to do it when I knew he didn't want to
Okay lol
How is the answer not a glaringly obvious “no, of course not” to you? Did you read anything you just wrote? This chronically unfaithful guy who is never, ever going to change and keeps violating your trust and boundaries over and over and over while gaslighting you about how YOU'RE the problem now demands a threesome or he'll “lose interest” and you're contemplating doing it?
Lady, someone stapled a big bag of dog shit to you and every time it's about to fall off you add a new staple. Why are you doing that?
For sure. He worded the breakup a bit strangely. I left unsure if it was just a break or an actual breakup. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter because I don't even believe in breaks now that I think about it. The relationship is just over as far as I'm concerned.
It's definitely nude to say that it's over for good, especially because I spent a year with him. However, I agree that it is for the best. We weren't horrible together and there were a lot of good times, but I just don't really think he was the right man for me when I reflect back on the relationship. As I think back, I do remember several times where I wasn't a priority to him, and this was even before the whole pregnancy scare incident. The relationship was definitely one sided in many ways, and I spent a lot of time catering to his needs, making sure he was happy and comfortable, etc.
Maybe the pregnancy scare was a blessing in disguise haha. I wouldn't want to go through it again, but I think that it definitely helped to weed him out. I wasn't planning to leave him any time soon, so I guess I am thankful that he left me.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me and help me out! It is much appreciated.
He will still be responsible for providing for his child after a divorce so the paying of bills won't just suddenly be her burden to shoulder alone. In a lot of places child support can go as far as including contribution towards the housing and basic living expenses of the primary parent's household seeing as how the child lives there, I don't see life getting much harder for her considering she's already a single parent.
This is the way.
OP, I think you could say — “To be clear I think you’re gorgeous in every possible way. But can I ask a small favor, and please let’s have a discussion about it if you wish, that would make sex more enjoyable for me?” And maybe after “I didn’t know this made a difference for me but apparently this is a sexual preference I have”… Then it’s all about you and not about her. Frankly, being sheepish at making the request will honestly probably put her at ease.
I think you should address her self image issues because it sounds like there’s something going on there. But I don’t think this is the topic around which to discuss it just because (if I were her) I’d be so deeply embarrassed and it might negatively impact your sex life. Have a separate conversation about that which doesn’t include this specific issue.
Every aspect of this relationship happened way too fast. Did your previous relationship accelerate like this? Was the last guy your first boyfriend/real relationship?
Controlling behavior and overdramatic reactions are your future judging from the current experience.
Goodbye Felecia would be your healthy response.
I tend to think age gaps aren't a huge deal if both people reach at least 25 years of age. But under 25, yes it's weird. This girl has no idea what she wants to do with her life and doesn't have a clear vision of herself yet, so it's weird when somebody that already has some ideas about where they are going chases barely legal girls.
Talk to her when you're both post college age.
You clearly know the right thing to do because you feel shitty about the situation. You are choosing not to for your own selfish reasons
Tell her she was abusive, cruel, and nearly drove you away for good.
It’s funny how trashy of a person this post makes you out to be
You are if you choose not to tell him. You are in an awful position and I don't envy you at all. You are still young so it might be difficult to imagine being in his position but as a parent myself I know I would absolutely want to know if my wife had either been assaulted or had cheated and one of my children wasn't mine. It wouldn't change how I feel about my son, he would always be my son. I raised him and saw him through every milestone and families are not necessarily made through DNA. But it would impact my relationship with my wife because either she has gone through something horrific and hasn't felt comfortable enough in 20 years to confide in me or she has cheated on me and lied to me all this time. I would feel incredibly hurt and betrayed if I found out others knew and didn't tell me. I think my first move would be to speak to your mother. Tell her you know and ask her what happened then tell her she has to tell him or you will. It should not be something he should hear from his son so I would hope she would take that responsibility but if she refuses he definitely deserves to know.
Sooo she probably wasn't reciprocating feelings so much as living in the moment… As demonstrated with the rando she started making out with. Sorry, bro lol.
He works nights and sleeps all day he has off 2 days a week, I was able to have the job for 3 months and my parents would watch the kids but they unfortunately couldn’t do it anymore due to time
Kates just a hater tbh. But I totally think you’ll be happy with your marriage to a guy 10 years older than you
It’s actually really sad. You are settling for being a bang maid instead of having an equal partner. You know there are men out there who know how to be adults, take care of themselves and don’t lie and cheat, right?
I don't think I could stay with somebody who thought something like this was normal. Something is seriously wrong here
Aaaahh… ough… not THAT kind of weird things, though?!
Her reaction is what gives it a bit an odd taste.
I think I might considering ending relationship.
That kind of crap generates pictures in the partners head and isn't something that may just have casually happened.
Her reaction involves her gaslighting you and waving your concerns away.
Also: if SHE has that video… who else has it? To do what with it? Uploaded where?
Naaah.
I agree, but they specifically stated recording it at all was the issue. I understand keeping being a deal breaker, but don't understand having made it to be a deal-breaker assuming it was consenual.
That breaks my heart. My husband has had to live with me having a chronic illness for over 30 years, after 8 years of marriage. We promised in sickness and in health and I can’t imagine him just packing up and leaving. He’s my rock.
That breaks my heart. My husband has had to live with me having a chronic illness for over 30 years, after 8 years of marriage. We promised in sickness and in health and I can’t imagine him just packing up and leaving. He’s my rock.
Like Judge Judy always says; if it doesn't make sense, it's a lie.
I’m a different commenter but do remember he was thinking about his (other) family and how much stress they are under at the time. He probably had blinkers on and could only see his parents desperately needing help, rather than anticipate future problems.
I would do anything to prevent my parents being in pain/ losing everything.
As soon as you point out he apologised. So you should forgive him
He is projecting his own actions on you, you are better off without that friend in your situation at the moment anyways.
Kiss his earlobe good luck to ya my fine feathered friend