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You shouldn't need to say this is a boundary as its common sense. Your options are have the talk and work this out or breakup.
“Lettuce talk about the lettuce. Your reaction seemed overly aggressive and angry to me for a small thing. Why did you react so towards me?”
That's what we call sex education
Yikes getting mad about this and not laughing about it would be a massive red flag for me. Imagine how she would react to an actual problem
Based on your update. You choose how you want to proceed with her.
Only advice is to watch her behavior and not just listen to her words. She needs to back those words with actions.
IOWs, actions speak louder than words. Good luck.
I have told him about my lack of libido and I sounded like a total ass when I said it but I told him about how I have to make myself do it sometimes because I recognize when he really wants it and how much it means to him. That really hurt his feelings.
I guess I’m starting to feel some sort of guilt or future guilt when I think about denying her this and having her resent me forever. What if it’s something that she can’t get over and that therapy can’t cure? I worry that her not having another child will be more detrimental to her happiness than me having another one would be to mine.
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You're very welcome. Over thinking I think kills many relationships. It has killed 3 potential relationships for me in 2022. I have dirsr hand experience. LOL
I wish you both well. Enjoy the farm.
You need to leave him.
He does not seem to care… because he doesn't. Move on. He doesn't have the same feeling for u that u have for him.
Leave him. find someone who will treat u as u deserve. Dont say anything, when you are out of the hospital, pack ur shit and move out, go back home or idk. but leave him and don't let him gaslight u to staying or going back.
It's not really a lie. She was casually dating someone when she met OP. it was not serious. Most people are dating more than one person when they meet their person. As soon as she met her person she ended things. She was under no obligation to ever tell him.
She isn’t your friend.
The fact that you were made out to be the “crazy Latina” (I would probably be labeled as one too) for the whole situation is straight up gaslighting. I would never show my friends S/O anything sexual like that.
Can you take some time to think this through and process it?
Can you meet up with one of the other friends to ask them for their opinion about what was going on and why?
I would hesitate to get rid of friends. Are there any of those friends who might want to get together with you sometimes without the rest of the group? Either as couples or girls night just two of you?
Hanging out with the ex sounds horrible though.
Meanwhile, if a man is the breadwinner and the woman does all the chores and errands, the man is lazy and taking advantage of her.
Wait what is this tattoo of? Is it a sentimental gesture or did he want a tattoo and his gf at the time was good at drawing?
This is the season 3 Bridgerton spoiler.
Pretend you live! in a state where abortions are illegal.
If he has any violent tendencies, even if it's not targeted at people, be wary of how you approach this.
Yeah, I stopped reading when she talked about him hitting himself and refusing to speak.
I would tell your husband they are lying to you. I would say I want you to get a paternity test done yourself so you can see they are the liars, not me.
We both truly love each other
You've only been dating for three months. You're not deeply in love, you're still in the honeymoon infatuation phase.
As for the rest of it, there actually is a program in the National Guard called Split Training, where you take Basic during the summer between junior and senior year of high school, go to weekend trainings your senior year, and go back for more training after graduation. That secondary training is called Advanced Individual Training, and I can understand why her family wouldn't understand the difference. Basic training is the physical fitness part, AIT is job specific training. So, no, it's not guaranteed that she's lying just based on this.
However, in order to become an Officer, you need a college degree. That's why ROTC is a college program. That could just be something she wasn't aware of, or something that was miscommunicated to her by her recruiter.
After reviewing everything she told me, timelines, fort locations, parameters, etc, I can confirm this was a lie.
How can you confirm it? You're not immediate family and she's not a minor. They wouldn't be giving you any information about her. Tell me how you've decided that she's lying.
Specifically, her being surrounded by a bunch of young men in the Army who are incredibly horny and will constantly attempt to seduce her
You don't know much about Army guys if you think this is what they're going to prioritize.
This is why I’m wondering if there is PPD. With a child that young and feelings of isolation, you go to baby groups for your sanity as a mum. My mum had to force me as I had PPD and it was the best thing I was forced to do.
Sometimes people can get entirely irrational and too emotional. You can’t talk sense to them because they think they are right about everything and not open to reason. It’s not your fault, but it might be best to move on. Are you living with your gf in the U.S.?
I mean, that's what ppl almost 30 marrying fresh ass 20 year olds should do.
I just feel like he’s doing nothing wrong and I’m being over dramatic about this. I feel like it would just keep happening if I date someone else.
It's probably a bot. If they can steal and rewrite slightly comments I'm guessing someone is trying to make a bot doing the same with posts.
You had zero empathy for your mom in your first post so it's unsurprising.
They're still sleeping together.
Why are you so angry?
What am I talking about? What are you talking about?
They’ve been separated for over 6 years!! Why did it take him so long to legally sign it over? Why didn’t he include it in the division of assets during the divorce? It doesn’t take 6 years to have an attorney draw up a bill of sale for $1.
Where do you see that it was always the plan to have it legally signed over to her? You’re making that up. He said she is living there. Not that he is gifting it to her.
OP went and talked to the ex. In response, this guy told her he would cancel the wedding if she ever did that again then got the process rolling to sign the apartment over to his ex. That is the definition of spite.
She also just said in another comment that she is signing a prenup before marrying him. She isn’t greedy. You’re just immature and don’t know how the real world works. She is thinking about what’s best for her future family, and watching her future husband sing over a $4M apartment to his ex while they will never have living conditions that good is showing OP where his true dedication is.
I crochet. A hat takes about an hour and at times I crochet them compulsively. I've given them to strangers. Her giving him the hat could be the equivalent of buying him a soda because she was going to the store anyway.
Start by refusing to have anything to do with your sister. She is BAD news. Ban her from your home, do not visit her and do not go to family gatherings when she is around.
Regarding your children. Be clear to them that if you had not loved their father – they would not exist. Tell them you were not proud of what you did – but the main point you are not proud of was to marry without love. If they want to be upset because of existing – that is their problem not yours. Do not take blame or accept your toxic sisters action the right thing.
You children were not involved in what you did and have no right to judge you.
We will try. But she lives on the other side of the country. She was an live! friend. And I don’t expect the feds to “waste” their time on this.
You weren’t naive or stupid because you had hopes and dreams. We all do.
And it can be so easy to fall in to having nothing but hopes and dreams— after all, most western cultures are taught that if you fight nude enough, wait, and see it through, eventually all that hot work, effort, and time will add up and pull together because you gave it everything you got.— You have literally given everything you have, and then somehow on your hopes and dreams you were able to relentlessly get more in order to give more.
Understand that’s actually a very beautiful strength for a person to have. You are strong, independent, efficient, loving, but most importantly stable and reliable.
Dude, you performed miracles here… and having the kind of love for a person to the extent where you will literally do everything in your ability to make it work is not weak. It is not naive or stupid, not in the slightest.
It’s just that the strength you have is simply being over extended to the point where you’re probably just tired. Getting tired is not detrimental, it is natural, and whenever the limits of someone’s strength is tested until they need to rest, they always grow stronger, anyway.
I understand this might feel scary, you might be beating yourself up, you might feel stupid for hanging in there for so long— but you are none of those things.
But you also deserve to feel good for exhibiting the strength of character for who you are.
You fearlessly committed yourself to 12 years of unconditional love and effort, your loyalty is amazing, and your ambition is absolutely incredible. You do not need to punish yourself for being that kind of person, and you don’t need to change who you are in the future because you really did your best and it’s not going the way you hoped for.
You really did do all the right things… it’s just that I think at this point you badly need someone who can recognize those amazing things about yourself and respect it. You are absolutely life long marriage material, you have a lot to offer, and you have done so much… but now it’s time to move past this and look toward finding someone who will give back and bring out the best in you instead of self blaming, questioning, and insecurity.
Understand that you did absolutely nothing wrong here, rather, you’re giving it your all for someone who simply just does not have the capacity to enhance your life and grow with you.
You deserve a partner. An actual partner. Someone who can keep those amazing and loving things about you alive.
Instead of beating yourself up, I implore you to view it instead as if you’re a natural born piano player who’s just trying to play Mozart on a harp and then telling yourself you’re bad at music. When no, a harp is a harp. You’re not a harpist, you’re a classically trained award winning piano player— you’re not stupid for trying to play the harp… but it’s just that your talents were meant for a piano, and not a freaking Yamaha just to pat yourself on the back and tell yourself good job; You were meant for a Steinway, so get off the harp already and go find the Steinway already so you can finally get the Mozart concert going.
And frankly, if you have to hunt for a Steinway and it takes time, then so be it, because you need to hear your own sound that badly, that playing anything less is just going to be half of what you can do, so if it takes time, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for that either.
Get it?
It is going to okay. I really do hope you move on, but I hope while you do move on, how much of a big deal that actually is how you’ve done so much and accomplished with this uncertainty, frustration, discouragement, and numerous obstacles working against you— I think your life is going to turn out pretty fucking amazing and better than what you even hoped for when you find someone who is actually working with you. You probably have no freaking idea how much of a big deal this is, in a good way— but you have every reason to be excited at the prospect of letting go. Because it means you finally get to see what is next, instead of waiting it out. Unlike most people, the ‘what’s next’ part is pretty guaranteed to be something amazing, and now it’s time for you to get to see it.
I speak passionately about this because I have done the same exact thing as you, hanging in there for a really long time while praying for rain over the years and beating myself up because I felt like all that effort left me with nothing. But I want you to know it is not true, and the ‘what’s next’ is going to be incredibly shocking, when you’re not having someone hold you back.
I would say good luck, but you’re pretty much not going to need it. Pretty sure six months after the fact, you’re going to have a holy shit moment because I just told you your future.
She’s blaming you when it’s her that doesn’t want to be together with you. You’re so young, do you want to be with someone like this who blames you for their own problems and not try to find a resolution?
How can you get her back? Do what she wants but you’re not being true to yourself.
Are you blinded by love? Yes but it’s not true love, because true love would be someone who loves you as much as you love them. This is infatuation because you’re only 18.
Work on yourself and find someone who appreciates you and shares the same view points and understanding of communication!! You got this!
You've given us no information or insight. All we know is that your girlfriend spit in your face. We don't know what you did, what you said to her, what the fight was over. We don't know if you've been abusive to her, we don't know if you've caused it or if it was completely unwarranted. It's not okay that she spit on you but we also don't know what you did to her before it.
You've given us no information or insight. All we know is that your girlfriend spit in your face. We don't know what you did, what you said to her, what the fight was over. We don't know if you've been abusive to her, we don't know if you've caused it or if it was completely unwarranted. It's not okay that she spit on you but we also don't know what you did to her before it.
You've given us no information or insight. All we know is that your girlfriend spit in your face. We don't know what you did, what you said to her, what the fight was over. We don't know if you've been abusive to her, we don't know if you've caused it or if it was completely unwarranted. It's not okay that she spit on you but we also don't know what you did to her before it.
You've given us no information or insight. All we know is that your girlfriend spit in your face. We don't know what you did, what you said to her, what the fight was over. We don't know if you've been abusive to her, we don't know if you've caused it or if it was completely unwarranted. It's not okay that she spit on you but we also don't know what you did to her before it.
Seriously this. If after 3 months of dating (and 5 of getting to know each other) and a women withheld sex but wasn't honest to me as to why I would think she doesn't find me desirable and is keeping me around for other reasons. Sex, to me, is more than just pleasure, it's a measure of connection and intimacy. So even if I'm getting off with things other than sex in the relationship I would probably question why I'm in it. If she told me she was a virgin and hesitant about having sex (as in OP's case) or had some hangups or sexual trauma she needed patience and time on, I would definitely give it to her. But she would need to be honest with me, or else I'm gonna come up with a million different reasons as to why in my head and the base assumption (in my case) is going to be rejection, and why would I want to be in a relationship like that?
I don't know. If you think your partner could do this to you, why even get a child. I mean he have serious trust issues. It is not wrong to ask this but otherwise it shows that he will never full trust a partner. I would ask myself if i want to stay with him especially since those views are so different.
Second place isn’t good in this scenario… quit wasting your time with this one
He basically admitted, through his own words “both (LoL and the relationship) are a lost cause” and his actions (you always planning the dates and him canceling anything he planned to go play the game), that the relationship is over.
It takes two to make a relationship work, and he is doing absolutely nothing. He was great, and now that he got you in a relationship with him, he doesn't need to put in the effort anymore.
If you still want to try, see if he can be able to stick to a schedule. Set time aside for the relationship, and time for you guys to do your own thing. That way, a fair compromise is made. If he won't stick with it, then I'd suggest you call it off. He may be a good friend, but not a good boyfriend. If he can, then there's hope for the relationship.
Even though I play games a lot, there's a time for everything. I do my social work, my house work, my job and then my games after everything is taken cared of. If I have something big coming up, whether it be a vacation, a lot of overtime at work, or a game I want to no-life, I always communicate that to others ahead of time.
Unconditional love doesn’t mean you love someone while they’re being a total dick. Love should be conditional in regards to boundaries and respect. The only time it should be unconditional is if your partner has a disability that limits their daily life, they have something about their appearance that isn’t super attractive, they eat with their mouth open, they snort really obnoxiously when they laugh, etc. Not things that hurt you or others.
Cynical me thinks he saw your post.
Yes. OP call animal control and make SURE he didn’t take your cat to the pound. You need to verify the coworker really has the cat and he’s not elsewhere
Her younger siblings have them and her parents are neglectful and do nothing about it. She visits her siblings and that’s where she gets them
All the more reason you need to look into why you are feeling this way – making off the wall plans to meet and convince him you should be together is not normal hun. Make an appointment to talk to a therapist.
Not sure but possible that she may be too shy when she is not high? Maybe her anxiety is too bad that she can’t do what she wants to unless she is high. Just a thought.