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I wish I could think that way. I texted her and when she found out it was real she texted me and said “Girl i am so sorry. I had no idea about y’all we had nothing serious it was just conversation I’ll be thinking about you and i hope the best for y’all i don’t want to be in the middle of anything and I’m going to leave y’all alone I’m sorry again.” (Literal copy and paste) I tried to get her to swap out.
You can’t control them, sure. But have you ever heard of boundaries? It is absolutely fine, advisable really, to keep the relationship between your parents and your SO cordial, polite but DISTANT. Let it be a lesson for your next boyfriend.
People can both masturbate and have good passionate sex in their relationships.
I'm not sure him masturbating to porn is to blame for the situation, maybe it's a symptom but not a cause of your declining sex life. You should communicate and find out what has changed and if/how it can be fixed.
How’s the divorce going?
Your mom's team is what I would consider perfect. I have worked in healthcare on many levels, and the misunderstandings around true health and diet is astounding.
BMI is one of the absolute worst ways to judge health and fitness in a person. I am prior US Navy and would watch as men with 5-6% body fat would “fail” the BMI before our bi-annual fitness tests… They were bodybuilders!
Please try to gently work in the idea of counseling to your wife. Maybe approach it as getting mentally ready for the baby. Because she has unresolved trauma and anxiety about this, and it can and will impact your child's life and health; on top of the trauma that will be afflicted on your mom for not being able to see her grandchild because of an arbitrary number.
Good luck.
It doesn't matter how good everything else feels. No one healthy or safe ever feels like they want to rape someone. He stalked you. Listen to what people are saying. This is a huge huge huge red flag that should out wave every green flag you think you see.
Some have been prescribed (Temazepam), most are self-medicated. She's been seeing a therapist which she says has been helping but I'm not sure it is.
It sounds like your wife is traveling to get human trafficked
This is insane. Please share an update.
Try to on-line in the moment, live! day by day. Don't think of G as someone you have to be “ready” for. Just enjoy time together and don't make the mistake of planning a future, but rather just get along today.
Obviously, you don't stay that way forever, but it can be helpful to keep ourselves from overthinking things.
It’s not normal for her to be sleeping with her parents full stop.
Adding nudity is a no go. I would be running
It's not a huge leap considering murdering a gay person for hitting on you was a valid legal defence to reduce your sentencing in Australia until 2020.
There's a lotta places in the developed world where violence against homosexuality is not treated by the law appropriately.
Not really your job to make her feel comfortable when you're around. As long as your not doing anything drastic that makes her be uncomfortable… this is their problem to deal with, not yours.
Just continue being polite.
And if she has autism (not sure if that was speculation or fact), then this can be true:
When I asked friends and family for advice they mention it is a trait of autism.
You don't need an absolute close relationship with the sister.
My great grandparents (Slovakian catholics) didn't get married until after my grandmother was born. This was 1920.
You leave him and you stay far away from him.
You said here “we've been texting.” Has he been texting at all?
Either way, let's assume he has an all has been fine. After chatting for a couple weeks, meeting up once and hooking up, a couple days later you tell him you miss him. Probably aggressive (ultimately aggressive given what happens later), and you also ask for a song. Why?
Regardless, he doesn't respond for a couple hours. Let's repeat that; a couple hours. Let's ignore the fact that it's Tuesday and we can assume he's working. Would you know that? Have you discussed it?
He views your story and you start panicking; panicking for what? That maybe he's not into you? That quite logically might be the case. What did you expect your apology text to accomplish? He doesn't need an apology. He doesn't need your acknowledgement that it's ok if he doesn't want to talk to you anymore.
What's unfortunately even more upsetting is that after a half hour you sent yet another message. Did you think that was going to be his “wake up call” and realize he fucked up and should respond?
To back up, let me disclose a few things; first, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I tell you this so that you understand I'm not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I love love and I wish you nothing but the absolute best. But I give a ton of advice on here because I've been through it all and learned from it. I assure you that I've had your mindset and sent similar messages. We on-line and learn. I'm lucky to be in a position of having learned while you're now going through it. So I'm not here being a jerk so much as trying to help you understand your mistakes and hope you learn from them.
At his point you've sent what, 3,4 messages to no response? Sure, you can (and should) safely assume a lack of interest, but given the timeline, you could also assume there's nothing malicious going on and that they'll reach out today or tomorrow. That might not have happened and you move on. It absolutely isn't going to happen now. You're scaring the absolute shit out of him. Put things into perspective; you've chatted for a few weeks. You met a single time. Did you ask what he was looking for? Either way, he asked if you wanted to hook up, and you confirm. You also tell him that you're incredibly insecure and afraid he'll judge you. Do you think that people are going to find that attractive?
You then continue to call and text him. Look, he might very well have been interested and was going to follow up later today or tomorrow. The guy was living his life and taking care of his responsibilities. But any chance you had was destroyed when you relentlessly reached out to him. So yes, you're being crazy. Should you stop dating? Maybe? Take the necessary measures to address your insecurities.
Separately, what's crazy here is that I'm the first person to call out inappropriate age gaps in context. One logically exists here, but the thing is it doesn't matter. He's gone and that's a good thing. But this situation will almost always exist with anyone you date. Good luck.
Notice how they won’t tell their bf’s until after because it is an issue in their relationships
That can go either way. My wife and I would go dancing and she would often dance with other guys that would ask her. It did a lot to boost her confidence. You can tell your partner that they are beautiful but you love them so , of course you think that. sometimes they want to know they are beautiful to others that might not know them. This is normal thinking. Everyone gets a boost from knowing other people think they are nude. You are never going to purge that from the human psyche.
This experiment her and her friends are doing is wrong in that they don't plan on dating these guys, they are just using them to boost their ego. However, if that is what it is then you have to make your own decision about how dangerous it is. If it were my wife, or earlier on she was a gf, I would be ok with it, however, I have always been extremely non-jealous. You have to determine how much you trust your partner and how it will affect you.
Good luck and I hope this works out well whether so does it or not.
But is it the relationship to consider?
Unfortunately this is sadly common in the US. I've heard many similar stories, ones that have been picked up by news channels etc too (so not just people making it up, I mean). There's some (bad) therapists who call the police as soon as any client of theirs express any kind of suicidal thoughts, so they get put on a mandatory 3 day psych hold. And instead of using ambulances like you'd expect, the protocol is instead that police come to 'escort' them to the hospital, which involves handcuffs and the whole police pantomime. It's why many people are afraid to open up to their therapists about their true thoughts, in case similar happens to them
Nope.
Have I missed something, or is he not single?
That advice would solve most of the issues on this sub. That, and don’t get with a 40 year old when you’re 18.
So he only needs to watch you being in pain for a couple of minutes before deciding he knows better how to deal with period pain and then he demands you pop hormones every day to make sure you won’t miss work due to it … and you are with this person why, exactly? Don’t move in. Find someone who cares about your health more than about your income.
Jesus fucking Christ. Two months no sex and the only solution that is discussed is shagging someone else?
I confronted him just now and he said I don’t need a gf that goes nuts and jealous just because I’m friendly with a girl. And he blocked me. I didn’t tell him that girl is my friend .. I just said I found out…… yeah….
100% to this, we almost always feel inadequate. It is true we are probably fine but culture, social media, TV and random stuff from everywhere especially pornography constantly says if your not “x” inches, you're nothing. You can't do the cool positions, she won't be satisfied without a real man etc
I constantly had these feeling for years even with my wife despite being able to consistently bruse her cervix and he'll I still struggle internally. I think it is more important is to make sure he feel appreciate and hope he can work on himself to accept it ?
Good luck u/OP I think you can work through it with time and care.
I feel so conflicted about this. My husband and I give each other a lot of room for self time. In that way, I think you absolutely deserve a break away from everything. On the other hand, if my partner wanted to spend 2.5 days away once a month where he went totally out of touch, I don’t think that would be a relationship that would work for me. If you both work week days you’re spending 1/4 of your weekends, when most couples get their quality time together, away from your partner.
I don’t think either you or your partner is wrong, but I don’t think you are a good match.
And personally I think it’s irrelevant that he accepted this when you started dating. I think we all do various things in the beginning of relationships that we think we should be able to keep doing when it becomes long term, but once we become long term we all have to start compromising about some things. My husband played video games in most of his free time when we were starting to date, but as we became more serious he started prioritizing me over that. I wouldn’t have stayed with him if he hadn’t. And I wouldn’t have hated him if his video gaming took precedence over me and we broke up because of it.
What the actual f*ck?! That was out loud!! Send him home to mommy!!
Some guys have emotional intelligence and some are animals you mean?
I grew up in an extremely religious household, and my father constantly used threats like that to control his children. Now he has one kid who talks to him because she wants his money, and she’s miserable because of the constant tightrope walking she has to do. The other two of us noped out, and although I miss my dad, I don’t miss the abuse and manipulation, and my children are emotionally healthy.
Please don’t allow your dad to continue to manipulate you. You need to on-line your life for you, not for him.
You sound like the best big sister and your brother is so lucky to have you!!
Definitely talk to him and share all of this, repeat it more than once. make plans with him one on one and with your fiancé. Good luck and congrats on your engagement!
Can you please tell me more about eye contact?? How much shall I stare, how should I maintain it and is it really that important
No. You leave. Immediately. There’s no love there. No respect. You deserve both. Find it in a man. Not a 32 year old little boy.
Omg missus stop it! Stop thinking about bursting his bubble when his “bubble” means giving YOUR body to someone and not even asking you first, discussing it properly or setting up boundaries.
Ffs I don’t wanna be harsh but I really just wanna tell you to find your spine and stop taking this let alone worrying about how he feels when he clearly just sees you as a walking fleshlight.
The vast majority of women require direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Get her some books about exploring herself. She can tell you what she likes/needs if she doesn't know herself.
Hey thanks for the reply! I'm trying to figure this out myself and it's very possible I'm somewhere on the spectrum.
I actually did look up the definition now and apparently I have been using the word wrong, to describe things that I've seen other people enjoying, but are not really important or necessarily enjoyable for me.
That a relationship feels smothering and dull to you. That you’d prefer NOT to be dating him and would rather be single.
This might be true. I don't think I feel smothered and dull is also a too strong word. I might be ambivalent, and I know I am just not capable of being head-over-heels-passionate, neither do I want to fake that. Is it not enough to consciously commit and to choose being in the relationship over being single, even though I have less time for my hobbies?
Yeah, you're right I did. But I meant that they don't take my request for this particular thing seriously. The rest of the things in my life they both take very seriously and they help me whenever I need help. Sorry, English is clearly my second language. I'm Polish
Bruh, you did what she told you to do, why are you 100% in the wrong here?
Considering you bought house together, you on-line together and maybe plan to have family together, don't calculate every single penny? Join your money, spend from it and save something for yourself. I don't think counting everything to be 50/50 can work the long run, that's the point of living together. Sharing
As I said in one of my other comments, none of our frnds were available. The gf lives quite a few hrs away. She's in town during college but goes back to her hometown for holidays. And this incident took place during a holiday season. So most of our frnds were either spending the time with their families, out of town or weren't allowed because exam season was going to start in 2-3 weeks. A & I on-line like 30-45 mins away from each other. And the movie hall was like 20 mins from my place. Besides the plan was completely impromptu. He saw that prices were drastically down for the day and he asked if I wanted to hangout. I was having one of my depressive episodes and I really, desperately wanted to get out of the house (I live! alone) so I said yes.
Would it hv not bothered her if it was just a pic of him and me but from a grp hangout? I really don't understand how I don't understand boundaries when he was the one who asked to hang.
He comes from a family where FIL was abusive and paranoid.
The apple is getting pretty damned close to the tree.
I don’t know how old your son is but my mom did this to me when I was 6. I’ve resented her everyday since and haven’t spoken to her, my stepdad or my half brother in almost 10 years. That could easily be your future. She never asked me how I felt about anything, pushed me onto my grandparents and ignored me for days/weeks at a time, told me to call him Dad or Daddy (I’d even get punished if I didn’t). Does all this sound familiar? Your child will grow up and come to resent you for the choices you’ve made. You’ve known this man 3 months, you don’t know if he’s a good person or not but I can tell you that you aren’t and neither is he because neither of you care at all about your poor child. If your parents ask to adopt him than you should let them, mine asked and when my mom said no she treated me so much worse.
Go back to him when he stops drinking. Sober , no alcohol. He’s a nutter when he’s drinking. He needs to stop.
Totally reasonable. Come on. Leave now .
Low class families exist, BUT the biggest problem here is your boyfriend; not only for not having the grit to shut his families gross stuff down, but also running to you every time it happens, holding back no details.
As a matter of fact, it makes me question if they are actually doing this or if your bf is telling tall tales. How do you know for a fact they are saying this?
Lastly, if he won't defend you and his relationship to his family, you might want to consider what a future with a man like this is going to look like. Either they do it, he lets them and for some bizarre reason likes to upset you about it, or they don't do it, but he lies because he gets some kind of cheap thrill upsetting you. Either way, not a good look for him or relationship material.
This should be in TIFU. Because for all intents and purposes, you f'ed up. End of story.
There's nothing you can do in this scenario except apologize and accept the consequences. And learn to be a better person down the road. There's no way you can explain that you don't really mean it because your actions speak louder than words.
Let this be a learning lesson that offensive jokes always have a risk of being taken the wrong way. Whether you 'mean it' or not, your actions have made them uncomfortable.
It was a text message
My former girlfriend is exactly like this. I got fed up with it when she started having sleep overs with her new guy friends. And she got defensive with me for having lunch with a lady friend from childhood. So now she is free to flirt with any man she wants. She is bewildered that she can't find a man that wants a long term relationship with her. Do yourself a favor and find somebody with similar values and boundaries as you.
You just described a terrible partner. Time to break up. Throw the whole man away. NEXT!
The way you describe it here seems less like your wife cheated on you with Amanda, and more like Amanda sexually assaulted your wife. Being too drunk to consent or being so drunk you'd consent to things you normally wouldn't, are pretty darn close to the same thing. While it's true you and your wife needs to sort things out regarding your marriage, Amanda manipulated her, got her drunk, and potentially sexually assaulted her. If I'm wrong here, forgive me, but this comment screams SA.
Put it this way. If Amanda was a guy who did the EXACT same thing to your wife, how would you view it? If a guy consistently touched her and “flirted” with her for years on end, then finally got her alone and intentionally got her wasted (while himself staying sober) and your wife “caved” to his advances? Doesn't matter if she participated after the fact. This man would be rightfully considered a rapist. Should be no different for a woman.
Oh that makes sense! Pausing on an arse? In front of the other half? Gross.
Is his family immigrants? In many parts of the world putting toilet paper in a waste basket instead of flushing it is fairly common and necessary.
Are there any of them you could comfortably reach out to and ask if something changed?
No! At this point, she shouldn't marry this guy even if he crawls across nude coals with the ring in his teeth as an offering
The dude has some seriously fucked up ideas about marriage, and that shit will poison the relationship forever, regardless of whether they get married.
He is not life partner material, and she needs someone who doesn't hold toxic, misogynist beliefs
Not trying to stir the pot, but was there any explanation as to why it was a three pack that was missing one?
saying “i dont want my partner getting half despite me paying more” isnt misogynist
>I feel like, during arguments, he treats me more like a business partner than a girlfriend lmao; his responses are SO cut and dry.
Honestly, you sound needy. If you have a problem, and you're asking for a solution, he's going to help you try and find a solution.
>but didn’t really take care of me aside from hanging with me for a few hours one day
That's fair. He doesn't want to catch COVID-19.
>but he could’ve answered in a way that didn’t invalidate me and make me feel needy for wanting to see him.
I doubt that's the exact quote he said, however that's the way you remember that quote. But I don't understand that quote tough.
>I don’t need to be taken out on dates all the time, etc. but I still want to get some “princess” behavior
If I had a girlfriend, and she told me that, that would be a massive red flag. Princesses are known for being demanding, needy, wanting to be put up on a pedestal, etc.
>I want him to be at least a little afraid to lose me, ykwim?!
Why the heck do you want to play these mind games?! That's very toxic of you.
>but he’s just lacking in the affection department when we have arguments lol
Why would someone be affectionate during arguments? Why?
> He always verbalizes shit in the most logical way rather than sprinkling in some words of affirmation/affection. I respect that he’s blunt and I appreciate the tough love at times
These two sentences conflict with each others. There's ways to soften ideas, but using “affection” isn't the way to resolve problems and solve arguments.
Bluntly, if you were my girlfriend, and you started playing gams, I would end the relationship in a heartbeat. A person in a relationship should never be scared of losing another person, it just breeds distrust and a feeling of walking on eggshells – toxic behavior.
School teacher here. I just said the same thing. It's gross. I don't know a single co worker that's an actual decent human being that wouldn't feel incredibly uncomfortable being approached by a teenager.
It's gross.
Throw it out and get a new one
I have ADHD and we are all up in our emotions so I'm really pleased to hear your fiance is someone who has been able to be understanding.
I wish I could go on a year retreat in the woods by myself to figure my shit out but you know that's just not an option unfortunately.
As much as running away is not usually a good option, it may be worth speaking with your therapist about taking a break and cutting contact from both relationships. I think nostalgia is clouding your judgement with your ex and you're not able to truly connect with your fiance who is standing in front of you, ready to love you forever.
However, just because someone loves you or is ready to love you, it doesn't mean they are the right person for you (your fiance) – and just because we love someone it doesn't mean they are right for us ((your ex).
I really think you would benefit from cutting off contact with your ex and possibly even your current fiance and taking a few months to yourself to do things you enjoy, spend time with positive friends and influences, and after a few months of not seeing (in person or on-line) or speaking to these men, your heart will tell you if you still want to be with one of them or possibly neither of them.
You don't need to settle for someone who treated you so poorly and has really messed with your mental health (your ex) just because you have nostalgia and you love him – you'll love a lot of people in life but if it hurts you terribly, mistreats you, hinders your mental wellbeing then you need to step away as hard as that can be.
Also, in regards to your fiance, he could be the best person in the world and love you so much and be terribly understanding but that doesn't mean you have to feel the same way about him.
I think taking some time, having a fun time with friends and hobbies, or even a vacation, and speaking with your therapist will do you wonders and clear your mind and show you what you want. Right now your mind is busy and clouded and being pushed in all different directions – how on earth could you decide what you want and what is right for you with all of that going on?
You’re dating a broke 23 year old and complaining? Date someone in your own age bracket and this might not be an issue.
Red flag is a term used to identify a problem – her having had sex before you isn't really a problem per se – it's a mismatch between your expectations and her reality, and neither is her having had sex 7 times in one day (good on her – I'd find that painful but probably depends on how you define sex too).
For me the lack of a longer term relationship would be a challenge given her age and that she hasn't been celibate.
Do you want your daughter to grow up seeing you being mentally and physically abused by her mother? Do you want her to grow up thinking that is ok? You need to get yourself and your child far away from her, it won't get better.
i can show you the call logs from this morning if you don’t believe me.
Thank you very much! That kind of deep and loving conversation may be just what we need because I want to fight for him, he is 100% worth it.
Does the door not lock? Replace the doorknob.
Who said it was successful? There a lot going on with his business which I didn’t state here.
Houses in my area are $1.5m-$2.5m. You can get an empty lot for about $1m.
Id give her the benefit of the doubt considering she brought it up initially. People who will cheat again usually dont talk about it. In my experience. Id say have some trust OP. If she starts to act shady bring it up tho fr
What is not to like?
He has an addiction and just like every other addiction, he won’t stop until he decides it’s a problem.
Right now? It’s not a problem to him. Nothing bad has really happened to him in his mind.
Protect your peace lol. There was a post by a guy here who had the same addiction, didn’t stop until he “stumbled” upon his gfs nudes that were posted non consensually
Sounds like he’s projecting… be careful OP!
Make sure you are on birth control. There is no scenario where being pregnant is going to help.
I know this is a very frightening and upsetting situation. I've been where you are. You have all my sympathy.
The 'good' news, if you can call it that, is she is probably not in danger. These kinds of threats are almost always a manipulation tactic to gain sympathy and convince you to get back together.
That being said, it's important to call the emergency services for your area. For her safety, as if she does attempt then help will be on the way, and also to call her bluff if she doesn't mean it.
Basically, sending an ambulance is never the wrong call. She either is in danger of attempting, in which case they can do a lot more than you, or she isn't. And if she isn't, then you'll hopefully scare her off trying it again.
That’s all I could think about as I read their convo, like this isn’t regular manipulation. The way he’s wording everything, he’s trying to make her think she’s crazy. He’s not leeching off of her and taking advantage, she’s just showing hospitality ?. He also told her it’s normal that he doesn’t love her like she loves him, that he will never love her like she loves him. That that’s how relationships work.
Tell him.
Tell him that she cheated on you with him, and that he should be careful as she will likely do the same to him.
Make sure you tell him everything she said and did the days while she was with you, and him.
And remember, she isn’t your problem anymore, so you don’t have to pay attention to her at all,
I’m so sorry this guy is bullying you. Something is wrong with him and it’s not okay for him to test you this way. Idk how u feel about this, but I would try to do at least an audio recording of the shit he says to you when you’re both alone so you can show your gf and have her understand the severity. He’s threatening to break u up and she needs to know this is a risk that he might embark on. Please look out for yourself and be careful if you go the recording route, but honestly I think it’s totally fair considering how much he’s been bullying and threatening you for so long. It has to stop. I would take matters into my own hands and make sure to out him for what he’s doing to you because none of this is acceptable.
Your butt doesn’t show any more in a bikini than a regular bathing suit.
I wonder if there is trouble in John's paradise that is causing him more bitterness to your relationship.
Anything I could have done better?
You could have taken the red flags more seriously earlier on.
Don't think there is anything you could have done to improve this connection, she was a loose cannon personality type.
Some of this even makes me question her mental state… Her moments of going into 'another world', that detachment from reality is pretty dam alarming.
Wait. Why do you use a condom on a sex toy? But the condom he found had semen in it.
So much of what you need advice on is location specific from a legal standpoint. Even the subject of your OP is highly location oriented because in some countries you do not need your spouse's consent to get a divorce. You might receive advice on-line that sounds good on the surface, but it could be 100% inappropriate for where you live!. Bottom line is to listen to your lawyer and stick to the plan.
Even if you have done abusive things it doesn't obligate you to stay in the relationship.
thanks.
Pack up and be gone if he follows thru with it. Because you're a secret, you need to assume they're anywhere from 'talking again' to being in a current sexual relationship.
Which makes him a sneaky liar. Don't put up with this for a second, leave with your dignity. It's like by tipping you off he'd be seeing her, it somehow absolves him of any errant behavior while there.
I wasn’t “hiding” in my bedroom, we were there for a couple of minutes just so we can both settle down before going back downstairs. You don’t know my family nor how loud and obnoxious they can be.
We’ve both been through a handful of relationships in the past and we both agree this is more different and genuine than anything we’ve experienced. I date looking for a long term partner and so does he. We both understand the future isn’t promised and anything can happen. Is it a crime he sees a future with me?
You’re a pos
That’s clearly horrible self esteem and toxic controlling behavior on her part. You’re just living your life, doing nothing wrong. Basically what she’s saying/doing is trying to take the attention off herself and putting it on you. I’ve seen this with addicts. 2 people will both be addicts, but one is worse off. The less fucked up person will put all of the attention on the worse off addict because it takes the attention of them. In your partners mind she probably feels all the attention is constantly on her, so she talks shit to try and divert attention. She’s also trying to validate her appearance/health and point out how wrong others are, while not worrying about herself.
I commented on an earlier post about a toxic controlling ex I dated. She hated the fact I worked out. I thought it was weird as fuck, even commented saying, “wouldn’t you rather have a healthy, fit partner?”. It’s a control thing, your partner is trying to break you down. If she doesn’t deal with her self esteem and actually make changes to change things for herself then this’ll keep happening. Were this me I’d have a very serious talk and if she doesn’t stop doing this or it gets worse then roll out dude. You’re both still young, so she can make things better for herself if she wants. If she doesn’t, doesn’t change her behavior and continue her habits she hates, then she’ll progressively get worse on both fronts. She’s clearly not happy now. What happens when she’s 45 and even bigger/unhealthier? Shit gets harder to change the more time that passes.
Keep in mind these actions are coming from her and not you. If she doesn’t want to get better or find help for her issues then that’s on her. We can’t fix the people we love, they have to do that themselves. Honestly if you tried to help, got her to workout and eat better, she’d probably start resenting you and pushing back. Look out for your own happiness man. If a person is breaking you down, there’s no rule that says you have to stay. You can still love a person, but also leave. Toxic behavior from a partner is not something people should have to deal with.
People with untreated bpd can be extremely dangerous. Usually mentally manipulative with the most polarized behaviors (in the highs and lows)
If a psy usually refers to a special psy just for this condition then you dont have the tools for it. Flee and block
If you’re almost 30’and he’s only 20 and this is a long distance thing? He’s not mature enough to argue with you. Get an older man.
If you date babies you get baby behavior
It's nothing to do with rarity, it comes from the aryan race idea from Nazi Germany. Basically, saying blue-eyed, blonde hair average to tall people were this better race. It was just used as an easy contrast to other races and their differences I curly black hair, etc.
Oof. This sounds like it's HER problem. I just feel like you were being considerate in not waking her up; sleep is important. And you did mention she was very tired.
It's literally her own body image issues that are doing the damage here. But I am quite confused… why on earth did she mention poly? Is she poly?
Yes you can, well people can.
This woman wants nothing to do with this guy, why would she want sex with him? She's like “get out of my life”
and you suggest “how about just sex”
pretty sure you don't understand human relationships.
More likely to impregnate a subwoofer then for her to answer yes to this.
If he’s 46 and cannot manage his life, he needs an adult daycare not a girlfriend.
He is your ex, he isn't going to be there for you. He may be in his baby's life, but you are on your own.
that's a big yes, you should tell him. It will suck, but he deserves to know.
“He hasn’t done anything too seriously abusive like that since”
Post history:
“my boyfriend who I’ve been with for a year squeezed myself thigh too hard, he does this often”
(I read this post a little , he gaslights you and laughs)
“Is it normal for my boyfriend to not comfort me when I’m crying?”
My dude. This person does not love, value you, or respect you.
You are very young and you need to just pack your things and get back home if you can. I know you just uprooted your whole life for this POS, but you need to repack and get out. For you.
I hope you find the self love and self respect deep within yourself because this is no way to on-line or be treated.
This is not normal..
Your trust was betrayed.
You are the only person who can decide if whether or not that that betrayal is a death blow to the relationship, or if it is possible for your bf to reearn your trust and what he would need to do to earn your trust again.
However, I would like to suggest some things for you to think about:
What are you going to do if he sleathes you again? Right now, I would guess the odds are 50-50 he will try this again in the next year or so, so you should figure out in advance what you will do.
Clearly, if you decide to continue this relationship, you need to revisit your sexual boundaries and consent agreements and make sure you both are on the same page. This means being embarrassing explicit with each other. You should take some time and think about what is and is not acceptable to you and what you need to feel safe.
Now some tart-tongued old lady advice:
Stop with the sometimes wear a condom, sometimes not games and get yourself on another form of birth control as well. Unless, both of you are ready mentally, physically, emotionally, financially to deal with a pregnancy, the cheapest, easiest way to deal with a pregnancy is not to get pregnant.
If he doesn’t respect you enough or care for you enough to always wear a condom if that is what you two have agreed to, then he is not good partner material.
For real, why would the friend let the fiancé keep the notebooks? Or alternatively, how would the fiancé steal three thick notebooks without the friend noticing?
You did the right thing. It's just nude to see now due to the pain of the breakup.
So you’ve done some groveling but have you done any listening?
Instead of dominating the conversation when you talk about it, ask her how she feels and validate how she feels.
If you don't like how it feels to be in a relationship with him, and you've expressed your issue and he has shown he isn't going to change, you should move on.
No that’s not true. He’s lying. That’s not how it works
If you don’t have children, don’t plan on children w/ him now. He has proven he is a repeated cheater. He disrespects ur relationship. Great that you are getting tested and asking questions. Hit pause, focus on urself. He lied repeatedly and will lie again. Value urself, you deserve better. Find a safe and happy partnership. But first focus on urself.
Lol, “relationship”. You've been out once. This girl owes you NOTHING.
Ironic that you're talking about respect yet can't grasp this basic concept.
No he usually takes me out to dinner or goes on a hike with me and we get lunch afterwards.
So the important people in his life know about you and the fake social media friends don’t? There’s no problem here. Maybe you’re worth more to him than some click fodder for randos. You’ll really only know if you ask him yourself. Might be testing to see if you go crazy on him over it.
Is the current custody concern for permanent guardianship, or just until her grandma recovers from surgery? If it’s the latter, then it sounds like something you could work out.
If it’s the former, then I think your choice is between your relationship and being child free. If y’all don’t take her in, your husband will probably be wracked with guilt. You seem outright in denial about how bad this girl’s situation is. The father you think she should go to is not only a stranger to her who doesn’t want her, but someone no one else, including those who know more and apparently the courts thinks should have custody.
That leaves her options as…your husband and the foster system. He would probably resent you just as much for forcing him to choose the latter as you’d resent him for choosing the former.
It’s fine for you to not want children, and taking on a 10 year old is a big life change you didn’t sign up for. But sometimes life throws circumstances we don’t ask for, and this is a HUGE special circumstance where not taking in the child harms their long-term well-being from here on out, and it sounds like your husband recognizes that and cares for the child enough that he feels an obligation to do what he can. That doesn’t mean you should have to be a parent, but it does mean you should probably walk away from your relationship. Your husband taking her in is the best case scenario for her; any other option will damage her far more psychologically and emotionally.
I don’t see a realistic way your marriage survives this long-term even if you get exactly what you want. You need to face the reality here that you can’t have the child-free life you want and the relationship you’ve had until this point. The latter will erode over time over the residual feelings about this. It’s a sucky situation to be in for everyone, but it IS the situation.
Your relationship is very new, give it some time. He may have some residual feelings after such a long relationship, if he does that will fade in time. You will hopefully feel more secure in time too.
Don't rush things, it is best to take your time, especially with a child involved. Be cautious, forever isn't guaranteed. Enjoy what you have and hopefully things will work out.
Hey there,
You're super young and so this may be confronting, you need to delay moving in with your boyfriend, until you have a clearer understanding of what you want/ feel.
You would benefit from taking time to reflect on your relationship and what it means to you, and how you feel about your boyfriend.
Then, and this is important, you need to have an honest talk with your boyfriend. See the two of you can do to meet whatever needs of yours, are not being met. This is a two way street, be willing to ask questions about his needs and how you might be able to meet them .
It may be that you go separate ways, neither of you can control that, so don't try to. Talk see if this is what you still want, see if anything needs to change, then consider if you want to do that.
I think your boyfriend deserves to know what is happening, and how you feel. He has a choice in this as well.
I hope this helps ? feel free to ask follow up questions if need be
I knew it would go with this way for him. Men aren’t allowed to have insecurities or feelings.
There’s no such thing as a platonic ex. You’re clearly trying to keep an old lover in your life and your partner is justified in asking you to cut it out.
I don’t understand why you are marrying someone when you can’t even decide they’re more important than an ex boyfriend. Maybe you should get back with that person instead.
If its a group hang out what is the issue?
?
This is a bit of an overreaction dude. My boyfriend takes hideous awful pictures of me at terrible angles and laughs about them. He grabs my face and squishes my cheeks all the time saying I look like those ‘ugly blob fish’ and it makes us both laugh. I know he thinks I’m beautiful, but we can laugh about silly looks and stuff like that too. The guy obviously did not have malicious intent saying that, and tbh if I was only a little over 3 months into a relationship with a person, I’d never have the balls to get angry at someone you still don’t know entirely over something trivial like that.
This isn’t childish at all! Someone who truly loves you would never tell you that you’re unattractive, let alone that they’re fantasizing about other people (!!). You don’t need proof of anything in order for your feelings to matter and be taken seriously. I’m sorry, but it’s clear he’s not ready for marriage, and you’d be doing yourself a disservice by moving forward right now without a lot of work first. You might want to consider breaking off your engagement unless and until you two can work through these issues.
Newsflash. Cheating is not a cool thing. Bragging about it does nothing except make you seem like a jerk and ruin relationships. And it doesn’t matter if it was true or not. Because you demonstrated that you wouldn’t mind cheating. If you had the chance, would you have hooked up?
You should tell your gf so she can break up because you need to deal with your issues before being in a relationship and she needs someone who can treat her properly
He wanted you to know he was active and CHEAP.
Yes I work. I’ve been really sick with the stomach flu for the last few days so I’m home
So you think starting an argument right then and there while things are already heated up, is the right thing to do?
Let alone to do that in front of the children.
The man can’t even have an ounce of authority in his own home.
Being a step father is nude as it is and you just made things worse
Even if lets say the way he yelled at them was wrong, you intervening right then an there makes him look even worse in front of your biological children. They won’t be able to see his authority anymore.
Your children need a father figure and sometimes a father figure is stern and a little mean.
I remember thinking my step dad was mean for telling me to do things but now that I’m a grown adult i know that it wasn’t mean.
If you’re working at a restaurant and your boss tells you to do something like clean the bathrooms it’s not him being means it’s just him doing his job.
Next time you want to intervene wait to have that conversation between you and him not in front of the children
Don’t be surprised if from now on these child of yours run off, anytime your husband tells them to do something, and ignore his requests by saying “you’re not my dad”
I'm allowed to have my opinion just like all the other redditors around. Especially the ones with the wild imaginations who make up shit because they don't read the post correctly.
You were shocked? You said in another comment it's not the first time?
I hope she got counseling form a profession (non minister) but four years with someone who has been vetted aka brothers friend sound like your parents need counseling as well.
It is Jamie Fraser?
Its Jamie Fraser. That accent….
Honestly all my family and friends hate him. He upsets me all the time, our relationship is a constant rollercoaster and I feel like I’m constantly fighting for his approval and affection. Like I’m never good enough and I try so nude.
Aww thank you. ?? yup I’ve noticed a guy always looking at me but he has seen me Chris so maybe he may never talk to me again
Your boyfriend got insecure and accused you of being the absolute worst kind of person you could be. Regardless of whether he genuinely believes what he’s saying or whether he’s just lashing out because he’s insecure, an accusation like that carries a lot of weight, and told to the wrong person would absolutely destroy your career. Do you really wanna be with a deeply insecure person who thinks you’d be inappropriate with a student and is willing to immediately make that accusation in front of another person?
If you’re unsure after 5 years, let her go. After 3 months of being with my bf I was already thinking about marriage. If that’s not on your mind after 5 years, it’s a no.
Ban him. Give your friend the break she needs, and do what's right for you and your fiance.
“Checking out another guy” about a MIDDLE SCHOOLER?!? Yea, he’s projecting interest in that age
An old guy friend of mine, very smart in some ways, got married because he got a gal pregnant. Kid was born, then he got her pregnant again. Both of these babies were unplanned.
So time goes by, they're divorced, he knocks up some waitress! Another oops!
I asked him “Do you know where babies come from?” He just hung his head.
If someone with a heart condition needed medication to manage it, people wouldn't judge them for being “dependent on it”. Sounds like you have both internalized the stigma around mental health treatment that you might want to reflect on a bit.
The barriers around accessing mental healthcare are a massive issue, I've struggled with that too. Even if she doesn't want to get back on meds, being in therapy regularly can be helpful. You can do a variety of searches to find someone covered by your insurance on Psychology Today.
Your ex a has SA’d a child report this!
That's a straight up no go. I'd call the police.
1000%
True! Like i love my husband bt if we weren't together we would still have a daughter together. I'd still tag him in things. If she had a sportsday of course id want him and his family to see the pictures we took on the day.
I hate when people get into relationships with parents and then expect them to not be parents!
To give them all their attention and then as soon as they have kids of their own. Those poor step kids are treated like trash. It pisses me off.
I wish you good luck , are you planning to tell her or just leave?
I'd even go as far as saying, being married to not one but two kids kinda does make you a creep
You got triggered over a dish towel and you said yourself you’re constantly crying.
She does not have a responsibility to fix your emotional issues man.
She’s edging her way back into your husband’s life. I’d shut that down real fast.
“No thanks”
I usually jump on the popular bandwagon here, but in this case I want to say that I think you should take any reddit advice with alot of salt. This happened for a really long time. 6 years. He told you. You are both really young. I think you need to talk to a therapist, and maybe a confidant, to get some ideas, because you both have so much history. But you are young, and you deserve to be with someone you can trust.
That's unhealthy as can be. Ahe needs to learn how to be on her own because at this rate that's gonna happen soon anyway. It's healthy to have time away from each other. She suffocating you. She's codependent for sure. Dorn feel bad about spending time alone with your friends or even without. You're gonna resent her if you don't.
You don't trust him and you never will. If you can on-line your life with someone you don't trust then go ahead and stay with him, but please know that you will be miserable for the rest of your life if you choose to stay with a man you don't trust. You're young with your whole life ahead of you, don't waste a second of it with someone who won't make you happy because a man you can't trust will never make you happy.
Every relationship is allowed to have their own rules on, well everything. My husband and I have a super active sex life, we try to fulfill all of each others sexual needs and we only watch porn occasionally together. Not alone, it doesn’t sit well with us either. We are total freaks in the bedroom too, so it’s not that we are uptight it just bothers us.
That being said there’s nothing wrong with him watching porn if you’ve not been bothered by it before or expressed your feelings to him. Both of you have to communicate and compromise for all issues. Just talk to him about it.
Ma’am you posted a year ago in a comment that you were 15. Your story needs work, kid
No, I think you're just projecting.
To him. Yes, you are asking too much. He wants a mother/maid/babysitter, not a partner.
Well when you date a kid what do you expect? Someone with the same amount of money and in the same place in life? If you want to date a man maybe stop going after teens.
We're all harping on the same point so I feel bad for piling on, but the fact that she said she loved you but then slept with someone else on the same day suggests she doesn't see relationships the same way the rest of us do. I personally conclude she doesn't actually love you and she just said it because it was clear your relationship was about to move to the next level and this just fit the imaginary movie script in her head for how these things go. She'll probably follow the same script if you break up with her and act like you just devastated her, but that probably won't be real either.
If you see this relationship as a nice thing to be in right now, but are prepared to conclude down the line that she's a serial cheater or too immature to stay with, there's no harm in being with her.
But if you wanted to get married to someone at this stage of your life, I'm not sure your relationship started off on a healthy enough footing for her to be the one. I'd say the same to a woman whose husband had sex with someone the night before his wedding – you don't do that to someone you love, period. You shouldn't even want to do that to them.
You're not wrong that you didn't give him time to completely unravel his last relationship before you jumped into this. But that's water under the bridge at this point. You just can never have “safety and validation” of the kind your “bit of insecurity” desires under the circumstances. However, if he and his ex want to get back together they'll do regardless of who's taking care of the dog. This does sound very tenuous and mistakes were made. But who's walking the dog isn't going to be the issue when/if they do reconcile.
That is a crime. Dump him. I'd press charges, but that's up to you.
make *
I have never had a male friend not try and make a move on me at some point.
And after he started taking Vyvanse?
Yeah that’s not an option you have. If the desire to sleep with someone else overshadows your desire to be with her, you should break up. Otherwise if it’s just an occasional thought due to FOMO you just push that way down and ignore it.
All epic adventures happen after 2am.
So your girlfriend is a jealous hypocrite
Yea, that would be quite the shock. I’d probably have to be locked up in the psych ward.
I predict this is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to issues with your ignorant BF. Someone that can’t understand nor want to practice something as simple as basic hygiene is really going to need some serious mental work when it comes to something that’s actually complex.
He sounds like a complete douchebag. You don't need to feel bad, not for one second. Don't let him use you anymore. Try to learn from this, and move on with your head held high.
One more vote for “dump his ass,” but you can also contact that company with your card info and to let them know this was an unauthorized use of your card. They can refund you and in the process will probably also shut down his account.
Most reputable companies aren’t gonna wanna do business with someone who used a stolen credit card. And that’s what this is. He has stolen £40 from you.
The point is that she lied though, and could very well have been 17 when they started dating (if she’s even currently telling the truth).
but I'm too stupid to accept it and a part of me still can't get over not being with her.
Woah woah woah woah woah.
You are absolutely not in the wrong here and you are definitely not stupid. Your feelings make perfect sense. She is asking you to just put those feelings on hold, put yourself in purgatory for an indeterminant amount of time while she pretends to work her shit out knowing that even if she does there is as good a chance she turns you down again anyway. Like lets be real: for a girl that is trying to argue she cares for you her selfishness is honestly staggering and you are being put through a woodchipper because of it.
Her being nice and open and whatever doesn't make this a less awkward situation. What she is asking for is in my eyes cruel and inevitably leads to you being self conscious and ripping yourself to pieces. If she has problems to deal with she needs to go do that, how dare she ask you to put your life on hold for that.
I think that she thinks any of this is okay shows just how far she has to go. You can't keep hurting yourself for her. Worse, at this rate you will burn out and when you do it is likely you will do and say things you will hate yourself for. Don't let it come to that, you have to be realistic in a way she apparently can't be.
The marriage counsellor wants me to “take a risk” and trust her.
As a therapist myself, a marriage therapist's client is the relationship. This doesn't sound like she is treating the relationship but your wife and not addressing your needs. I'd get a new therapist or stop marriage therapy and find a divorce attorney.
Kids are a two-yes situation
《《She’s said during conversations that she couldn’t wait for things like us having our own kitchen to fix up, getting a puppy together and gardening together ya know things couples that on-line together do》》
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO MOVE IN, SHE WANTS TO MARRY YOU.
Being engaged ? IS THE NEXT STEP.
I married a person like this. At first its little things, then you feel like you need to prepare a trial worthy defense every time you disagree.
“I don't like it” or “I don't want to” is never good enough.
Eventually you don't bother bringing anything up because its not worth a 2hr fight that ends in them threatening to jump of the balcony.
Never again. There was no space for me in my own relationship.
This person does not respect you, your thoughts, your feelings or your opinions.
Cut your losses now.
give her your key.
There’s a difference between a “positive mindset” and excusing an abuser because they might have been abused.
He tears you down if you dare disagree. This is NOT a loving relationship. That is unacceptable and you deserve better.
Yes, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face
Has your physique changed dramatically in the last 7 years?
Also when is the last time you guys went out for a date?
Also i guarantee Op's fiancée lied and her AP actually dumped her and the reasom she keeps going back to the store is to keep track of him see what he's doing at this point the question isn't is she cheating the question is why is she so obsessed with a man that was supposedly toxic
OP OPEN YOUR EYES this woman saw you as a chump who would take her back after she got dumped she doesn't love or care for you or even respect you also while your scared to blow up your home she had no issues doing so and continue so stop being so pathetic and desperate grow a pair leave her and never return
Thank you for your advice.
If you want to make rules like that and he agrees to them then so be it. But that’s a rule not a boundary. And it’s an unhealthy and ridiculous rule at that. It just smacks of insecurity and immaturity. It’s controlling.
If someone told me I couldn’t make new friends since dating them, I’d stop dating them.
What is there to discuss? Breakups suck and are nude. You still have to go thru with it.
Run you fool. Run
I doubt that she had any respect for him in the first place.
Tell her the truth. She didn't protect you as a child, but you can protect yourself now. You are not responsible for her feelings. She is a whole adult, she can regulate her disappointment, it's absolutely not your problem to solve. This man does not deserve to have you support his milestones, and you do not need to feel any kind of obligation to do so, nor any guilt for refusing same. He knows what he did, you don't need to explain it. Your mom knows as well, so don't waste any more breath defending your decision. “We will not be attending, the topic is closed”
TBH, when people say “sex isn't that important, other things are more important” it's a cop-out. Like having sex means you can't do the other things or something.
What they really mean is “I don't want to have sex with you very often” and that is totally fine, but they should tell it like it is.
At 22, sex once or twice a week isn't unreasonable but at the same time, not everyone has the same libido.
If your ok with this for the rest of your life, fine. If you're not, then it might be time to have serious talks about what you both expect from your sex life.
You need to let it go. If he found out it was you, all hell is going to break loose. What has he done that made you not trust him? If it’s your insecurities that are causing this, you need to work on that, not trying to find faults in him.
You need to mind your own business.