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It’s over for him whether you want it or not. The sooner you realize the sooner you can move on.
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It just happened two days ago. She was at a party with some of her colleagues so we didnt talk that night. We are not living together at the moment because she is at the client's location for a month to complete a project. Well she called me in the morning, sobbing and crying and saying she committed a horrible mistake while drunk. I asked her to calm down and tell me everything. Honestly the thought of cheating didnt cross my mind, I thought maybe she mistook her kitchen for bathroom or ordered something dumb while drunk. But she kept crying and then said there was a colleague who was being very flirty with her and she engaged back with him, it upset me but I thought ok if its just that then maybe we can talk about it. And then she dropped the bomb on me, saying that she actually had sex with him. She was actually calling me while she was walking out of his room.
I was shocked, I didnt know what to say as I have never been in this situation before so I told her we will talk later. Then I received a bunch of messages from her where she was apologizing and telling me how the night went. First it started with light flirting, then he started asking her for sex and ended with her on his bed. She kept saying she didnt want to have sex with him, but then why would you go to his room? Why not go to your own room and sleep it off. She says in her drunk mind it was the only way to shut him up, like wtf. She is also very adamant that she was pressured into sex by him repeatedly asking and thats why she gave in.
My brain is fried Reddit, I dont know what to think anymore. And I honestly dont trust my own decisions anymore. So please give me some sane advice here.
Edit/Update- Thank you for all the advice here. I think I knew I had to breakup with her but needed some validation. She made a lot of choices, including going to his room willingly. What happened in that room, only 2 people know. But seeing her choices leading up to the moment when the door to his room was closed, its clear she has really bad boundaries and she lacks self control. I dont want to police her and what happens when someone asks her persistently to cheat? I dont want to deal with this kind of anxiety, call me selfish. But I know myself. So I have decided to breakup.
Well it's because in OPs post she mentioned his inability to stop watching porn. For a year OPs BF resorted to lying instead of stopping.
So I'd imagine any “No porn” policy would, more likely than not lead, to failure again.
All the things you said will apply to any person.