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What is your stance on cheating? Unforgiveable because trust has been broken? Or mistakes happen and at least she owned up to it?
In my personal view, if everything else goes well and she really made a one time mistake, give her a second chance. But make sure to really talk through why it happened.
This is honestly heartbreaking, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. From what you're saying he is at minimum having an emotional affair and possibly more. They could be using other communications like emails or an app to share more intimate messages but I'm sure it will be harder to find that out now that he knows you've seen some of what he has done.
You’re dating a little boy. Try a grown man next time.
How is wanting to have a single text back needy? He's done nothing wrong here
Yes that where you are wrong I have a friend when he was younger he travelled in winter on a scooter to a hook up 4 hours drive away. He cannot remember his name now. Effort does = care or wanting the same thing.
If he wanted to, he would. If progression is a must for you, sounds like time to seriously consider how long you are willing to accept this and make a plan for moving on without him.
His “gift” came with a string attached (the sex act he wanted). We call them favors.
If your mom asks, tell him he gave you nothing. If you want to talk to your boyfriend about it, I would let him know that gift-giving needs to be about the receiver, not the giver. He was thinking for himself when he bought the plug.
Whatevs, if i had all the answers i wouldn't be on reddit asking strangers for advice. Pretty awesome that all the help i get is “you're not being sensitive to her needs” even tho i've been a complete rock for her over the last 4 years.
She’s not going to change her dental routine or lack thereof because you ask a few nosy questions.
Hi there, stepmom here ? Take this advice people are giving you about the communication app. Also if it is court ordered, she has to use it if she wants to communicate with you and anything she says can be used in court. Limit your contact with her. There is absolutely zero reason she needs to communicate with you in person or in writing unless it has to do with the children. With that being said, ignore everything else she does. Gifts? You can accept but toss that shit out or give it away. Sit your kids down and talk to them about it if they are the ones encouraging.. which I’m doubting they do. Make sure you document every little thing you can. Kids come home from her place with bruises or whatever, take photos and date them. Also, I think if your girlfriend is meant to be with you she will understand what a complete and horrible cunt your ex is, then she will be more understanding and ignore it. Being in love with a man with an ex wife that you can’t get rid of because of children… is not easy. I’ve been to hell and back for my husband. He has absolutely no contact with ex wife unless it’s through the communication app and regarding their child, also drop off and pick ups, he doesn’t really talk to her.
You stated that your issues with her are irrelevant to him and it’s his right to see anyone he likes. By continuing to hound him about it you are ignoring that. Him changing the subject is making it clear that he does not want to discuss, yet you keep pushing. If you value the friendship, you will stop forcing unwanted discussions and allow him to make his choices freely and without trying to make your issues his. If you are unable to do that and unable to get over whatever issues you have with this person, which again have nothing to do with him, then you should definitely take a step back from this friendship for both of you.
That is not a friend…
They seem very young, please don‘t move in with a man so soon. I feel so bad for your children.
So, the bad news is that your mother's feelings are extremely well justified. As a rule, 30-year-old men who date 22-year-old women are Bad News. The good news is, your fella here sounds like a statistical outlier.
I'd say the relationship is worth pursuing, but take it slow and keep your eyes open. If something feels wrong in your gut, talk it out with your friends/family. Conversely, if they say they've seen red flags in his behavior that go beyond “he's 8 years older,” stop, listen, and consider what they have to say. The rose-colored glasses of romance do tend to cover up red flags, so they may pick up on something that you have missed. Once they've explained the issue, think about your response. Of course, it's possible that they have misunderstood the situation, or don't know the full details. But does it feel like you're reaching for justifications for his behavior? Are you thinking, “Ok, I know that it sounds bad, but it's not like all those other abusive scenarios you hear about! It's completely different!”? Most importantly, is the issue a one-off thing, or has it occurred multiple times?
Regarding your mother, you'll probably need to have a good long conversation with her. Acknowledge that her concerns are legitimate. Reassure her that you are aware of the problems with age-gap relationships, and that you trying to keep your eyes open. At the same time, explain why you think his intentions are genuine, and ask her to give him a chance. Offer to introduce him to her so that she can get a feel for his character, with the condition that she stays polite during the initial meeting.
If the relationship stays healthy and lasts for a long time (read: years), the age-difference questions will start to fade. Your partner's good behavior will prove his worth to most people. If the relationship doesn't last long…well, the two of you had a good run, but it wasn't meant to be. Them's the breaks! And of course,if he does turn out to be a creep, kick him to the curb.
My go to advice is to move on. Actions speak louder than words and it’s screaming at you. Those “future plans” mean nothing if he’s currently avoiding you and getting mad at you. But, since you’re here, it sounds like you’ll waste your time hoping he changes. I wish you the best of luck.
You and your best friend should go on a road trip. Give them time to move out in the meanwhile.
Honest answer? You should back off and make space for your GF to be a mother to her son.
Is this normal behavior from your girlfriend? It's such an odd thing to still be fixated on days later.
This is why on the first date I say “I don’t really want to play games, what do you want and what do I want? And try and get that convo out of the way first
A River Derchi
what can I do for me to not be like this a become a person who doesn't need to know what someone is doing all the time and to be able to trust them?
Control your actions, regardless of your feelings.
Yep, you're going to be paranoid now. Karma's a beach.
But your feelings don't “cause you” to become possessive and controlling. That's a choice.
Every relationship is gambling on trust. Filter out people who seem likely to break that trust, then trust the person you're willing to gamble on. Hope that they're moral and will turn down opportunities to cheat.
Because the alternative is a guaranteed relationship-killer at best, and abusive at worst.
I couldn’t stop laughing when I first read that post